Tuesday, December 30, 2008

So how am I to end 2008? Being sick more in likely. While at my parents over the weekend, I managed to pick up my sisters colds. Yep....I found my way into work this morning since this was to be the only day this week I would be working in the office. I felt like shit. I truly did. I still do. This makes for the third time since being pregnant that I have had a cold.

I am looking forward to the day I can take medicine again. I try to remind myself its not that far off. But you try telling my nose that at the moment, I bet it would disagree with you. The relief it would say, can not come soon enough.

But being that its the holiday weeks, and its a rather slow week at work, well I suppose it came at a good time. After all no one is in the office and if they are they pretty much stick to themselves, coming and going as they please.

A blessing in disguise I suppose.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas. May it be a joyous occasion for all and may all get everything their hearts desire!

Enjoy the season!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Hard to believe, but Christmas is tomorrow! In most of the country, it looks like it may be a white Christmas, and if not. It is certainly a cold one. And as usual, today is spent with Andy's family while tomorrow after we share our own gifts, we will be heading over to my parents to share the holidays with that side.

Still, its amazing to think that its Christmas...Seriously where did this month or even year go!

Monday, December 22, 2008

After much waiting, a lot of trouble and a lot of fustration, we finally got the call our baby furniture had come in. To understand the whole mess, you have to be informed of the mess. You see, after dealing with Babies R Us, where we initially registered for the crib set, they informed us that our set was being 'discontinued' and we would have to find another. We went through their inventory three times and were told again, three other times that the sets we liked were no longer avaliable. And in fact handed been in stock, and avaliable since well back into the spring. Fustrated we searched through several different chain stores, until we came across a local small business my mother had suggested. After the pain of Babies R Us, we were relieved to find an incredible set that both Andy and myself loved. Ordering it in the beginning of November they said would guarantee us it delievery before the end of the year, but more in likely sooner since its a popular set and they get shipments in weekly.

So we wait, and we wait. We swing by every now and then to pick up some other things for the kiddo and what not. We ask, and they always said we will call you on Monday to let you know the status, but it should be here the week of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving came. Thanksgiving left.
Still no set. And no call to even update us like they had said.

We order a rocker, and we check, they inform us its on the next truck, and that again they will call us on Monday.

Still no call.

Knowing we aren't due til February we didn't mind waiting. But it would have been nice for a call, after all they promised they would call.

So we went in there two weekends ago and they said it was on the next truck, and that once again they would call on Monday, and Monday passed with no phone call. Andy decided to call up there to inquire.

He got the run around, and was told that we were high demand customers who were bitchy because we were pregnant and how they now had to go out of their way to please us, just because we couldn't wait.

Andy was pretty upset.

All we wanted was a phone call when they told us they would call.

They finally called us, in a not so pleasent way last Friday told us it was ready and to come pick it up. Andy and my dad excitetly-or not so-went and picked it up, rushed home and set the entire thing up in less than a half hour.

While the room is currently a mix of baby toys, blankets and Andy's hockey memoriabilia which will soon be moved. And our rocker is still on order.

We are thrilled to say, things are coming together nicely.

And this 'bitchy, high demanding pregnant woman' is happy.

For now.

Friday, December 19, 2008

there are times, when people can shock the living shit out of you.and usually its not from people you would think. take for instance my sister in law matt and kate (andys bro/sisnlaw) went to the hockey game last night in honor of kate's birthday. and as always he went down to meet them at the seats before the game. so they start talking and kate says

'i got to say, aleisha is the most beautiful pregnant woman i have ever seen. its actually quite disgusting."

now kate has been through two children already. she filled out in a lot of areas, that i have yet to. i dont know why its different but it is. anyway i took this as a huge compliment, especially coming from her. it was just so unreal and so shocking. i didnt know what to say when andy told me this. i just wanted i dont know. but i wanted to do something. i dont think i have been that complimented in awhile.

and i will say i never thought myself to be that pretty.

my office is extremely dead today. i dont know if people are already leaving town for the holidays, or its just me. or what the deal is. my boss is working from home, his daughter is sick so he had to. and there is only three of us in our group that are actually in the office.

and me?
im ready to pack it in and call it a day.

im just so tired. i didnt sleep really well last night, my stomach was just in knots. i dont know if it was a case of braxton hicks or if it was something i ate for dinner that wasnt agreeing with me or what but it was just not comfy...i think the last time i looked at the clock it was about two in the morning.

i need to go grab me those cute earrings i saw the other day, and so instead of heading out here a little later, i think i am going to try and slide out o here a little bit early so i can have enough energy to walk around the mall while i wait for andy to finish for the day.

as for tonights plans. well seeing that we finally got our baby furniture in, we need to pick it up. my dad is helping with that one, so tonight i think we are just going to play it simple and do some cleaning. i need to finish some shopping eventually but figured i could do it tomorrow or on sunday or something. thhis of course will all depend entirely on how i am feeling. its amazing i could be filled with live and energy one moment, and dead to the world the next.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

sometimes its the hardest thing to do. the waiting. waiting to live. waiting to go. waiting to die. or just waiting. currently, we are playing just that when it comes to my grandmother. they started her on morphine yesterday saying it wasn't going to be much longer. my grandfather has gone to the church to talk about arrangements. he says he just wants her to die already. i am sure this is how he is coping even if i think it is utterly ridiculous of a thing to say to the women. about the woman who has been his wife for more than sixty years.


but we have all been warned, it wont be to much longer. my mom says it wouldnt surprise her if she doesnt last another five days.

my father, got up this morning at four thirty looking at the closet.

"do you think i need a new suit?" he asked my mom.
"you have a few honey."
"i know.its just. i don't know what to do." he shakes his head and goes to work.

i cant stand these moments. when you feel so utterly helpless and alone. wishing there was something more you could do. something more you could say. and yet you know there isn't anything anyone can do. or say. for what more is there?

i wish i could comfort my dad more. i haven't seen him cry very often. if i count it, its maybe three. the time he read my piece, and the time he walked me down the aisle. thats two. its just so sad. my heart breaks for him especially.

if you don't know already. i am close to my dad. i am truly my father's daughter out of the three he has.

whats worse? i have an exam tonight. my last until august. and im sitting her thinking how the hell am i going to take it the way i am right now? its worth 150 points. out of a thousand. that isnt to bad. so i will go. and i will try my damndest to actually get a decent grade. because i owe it to everyone to do so. if not for myself, for my grandmother. for my father.

waiting.for something.
the unknown.to happen.

Friday, December 5, 2008

i hate studying.

for an exam on a saturday morning is that much more horrible.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Its an interesting thing. Being thirty weeks pregnant. I would like to think, and say that I am now more than halfway through, after all I barely have ten weeks to go before the big day is allegedly supposed to come. Ten weeks-give or take-until I get to see our precious little boy.

Amazing huh?

Awhile ago, on our baby blog I posted things people have said. But that was the beginning. And since I have gained so much time, well here is a new things of stupid things people have said. Or done that I find absolutely annoying, or rude.

1. 'so when are you disappearing?"
'when the baby decides to come. really i don't have a lot of control over that.'
'and how long will you be gone?'
'around 10 weeks. give or take. depending on how things go.'
'ten weeks?'
'that's what i said.'
'i guarantee you, unless you have surgery. you'll be so bored, you'll be back at work within a week.'
'no ten weeks.'
'you are taking maternity leave then. fair enough.'
-coworker this morning. i may add he is single and looking ladies! any offers?

2. i get on the metro this morning, i don't expect for anyone to give up their seat for me. Even if I am disabled and pregnant I know we don't live in a perfect world where people respect the signs or anything. But I am standing there. My ever growing belly sticking out like a sore thumb. everyone ignores me and pay attention to their papers. When someone gets up, another woman grabs the seat. She looks at me and smiles, and then thanks me for allowing her to sit! It isn't until two stops before my own that someone offers me a seat. Mind you, this is 45 minutes after I first stepped on to the train.

3. 'are you sure your not having twins.'
'i'm sure.'
'i swear you are.'
'why? do i look that big?'
'well...no. i mean.'
'remember i was a size 0-2 before pregnant.'
'its just that.'
'its just you think im that huge.'
'no, i say that to every pregnant woman.'
i just look at him.
'oh look i gotta go catch the bus.'
good thinking, i was about ready to hand him a shovel and to tell him to start digging.
-this is the same coworker from the previous stupid comment.

4. 'you like cucumbers on your sandwiches.'
'yes.'
'must be a pregnant thing.'
'must be an aleisha thing, i have always enjoyed them.'
'no its a pregnancy thing. you never had them before.'
'we don't go to places for sandwich together very often.'
'still it's got to be a pregnancy thing.'
(because everything is a pregnant thing now right?)
-friend.

5. 'so what are you naming the kid.'
'not officially sure.'
'really?'
'yes.'
'any thoughts.'
'some.'
'you going to share?'
'whats your name?'
'mike.'
'then its michael stephen craig robert patrick carey matthew elijah elliott yorkshire mattice'
'seriously.'
'why not?'
-random coworker on the way down the elevators.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

My grandmother doesn't seem to be doing well at all. Hospice has agreed to come in and take over to help aide my grandfather, who can't take care of his wife anymore. Its a sad thing, knowing they are there. While it is for her benefit and to help her out, at the same time, you know this has to be the end. Or at least the beginning of the end. I say this, only because hospice came in the aid of my grandfather tate during his last few months on earth. my aunt, says she doesn't think this is true, that my grandmother can get better and will once again thrive but if you saw her. The state of her, you would know otherwise. She is down to just about 70 pounds. she isn't eating anymore and she is barely moving. In a lot of ways, I think she has made her peace with things and is just waiting. i say that when she is done and when she is ready she will decide its time to let go. whether that may be tomorrow or next month only time will tell.

but i do say, it isn't easy. knowing that we could very well be down to the last few times with her. its hard to remember her the way she was once upon a time. decades ago, when she was so alive and so happy. if you saw her today, you wouldn't recognize her. she is barely the grandmother i remember. it is so sad.

while i am not a truly religious person. i believe in god. i believe in the afterlife and a much better place than the one here on earth. but because i am not very spiritual. this next part may surprise one.

but the only thing i do ask is that the lord help her during this time of her life. may he guard her and take her under his wing and guide her into the transition. may he let her go peacefully and without pain.

and may he welcome her with open arms when she decided to part from earth, and rise into heaven.

because from here on out, she is in the lords hand.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Welcome to December my friends. Are we ready for the happiest 25 days of the year? Or so it is to be? I for one love the holidays so I am thrilled that this time of year is around.

Started shopping over the weekend, no where near done but its a start which is better than some I may say.

I need to start Andy. Still trying to figure out just exactly what I want to get him. I have ideas. Plenty of movies and what not, but other than that, well right now I can think of things I want to get him but its called you need money to do that.

Not that we are in dire need of that. We are believe it or not ok. Still if I could spend my little heart out on him I would.

And to think, today is cyber monday, and ask me how many gifts I have bought.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

From the Mattice family to yours...

May you have wonderful Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Three years ago, I took Sarah to the wednesday before Thanksgiving hockey game. Turned out to change our lives, for we haven't seemed to stop going since. And every year, if there is one game that is a must between the two of us, it would be this one. The game before Thanksgiving. So this makes the third year in a row.

It is also the third year in a row that they have played the Thrashers.

Its a great way to kick off the holiday weekend. But is always hard to believe when it comes and goes. Not as much action this year as previous years. But for some reason, it doesnt really matter. For it's her. And its me. And its just a fun good time.

And of course our men.

How could I forget the boys on the ice?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Man I do love me a short week. And it seems as though I wasn't the only one to think this. My office since this morning, has been rather empty. People have been coming and going, and like myself many plan to be off or working from home tomorrow in preparation for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Ah yes. Aleisha does love her short weeks...
And I feel we need more of them.
And more often.

I plan on trying to recoup. Rest up, do some shopping and enjoy some great food. A meal, that is probably right under her favorite foods category..

Ummm turkey and pumpkin pie...

Bring it on!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I must say, while I absolutely hate group work.

It is all that much better when the project is done.

especially since I don't have class next week, and it is only two classes after that before the semester is done and over with!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Had our 28 week checkup this afternoon. Everything looks good. Took the diabetes testing, should find out the results within the next few days. I was expecting the orange soda that they made me drink to be so much more awful than it actually was. A lot of people were telling me just how horrible it was and all. Not realy.

Of course I wouldn't say I could have it every day. But still not to bad either.

Not expecting anything to be wrong, though I have known several ladies who had diabetes while they were pregnant so I am assuming it is a pretty common thing.
We made an appointment for the next two go arounds. Which will be at 32 and 34 weeks, hard to believe that it is already coming up that fast. Before we know it, Blueberry-or his actually name- will be here. That is just scary to think about.

I gained two pounds since October's check up, and a total of 12 pounds since first expecting. Not to shabby if you ask me. Though I must say, even though it's only 12 I feel as though it should be about twenty, just because I feel larger than I am. Ugh.

But I think this is a common thing when one is pregnant. I mean after all, you are growing a whole other person inside of you. Yes this thought does scare the shit out of me, the whole I have another person ad all.

So yes. All is going well.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

We had dinner at my parents house. it was the first time i got to see my grandmother since she had been in the hospital. I hadn't prepared myself for what i saw. sure i knew they were coming over. i know she has had her rough moments but i know she has had her good moments. or at least i thought she did.

but what i saw tonight. was nothing short of an ending.
she had trouble coming up the stairs. expected even i have trouble coming up those steps. out winded she plopped herself on the couch and began to rock until she lay with her stomach touching her knees, hands on her head just sitting there.

i didnt know what to say. i didnt know what to do.so i sat there on the step, andy by my side remaining silent, looking on as we tried to pretend everything was normal.
when we know things arent

i was quickly reminded of the last few months that my grandfather tate was a live. how he looked. she didnt look that much different. she moaned and ached. they say she does this without realizing it mom of the time. when dinner was ready she barely ate anything before requesting to go back to the couch.

poppy z says she does this often.

the hard part is, we really can't do much of anything. we just sit and wait. while she seems to go through such moments of suffer.

she began looking around.
poppy said she is looking for her children. she needs to take care of them. its the dementia that is talking and not the grandmother i know so well.

they didn't stay long. enough to eat dinner, chat for a few and see us before they took off. poppy said they shouldn't have come, mom and dad said otherwise.

and after they left we sat in silence not knowing what to say.
because really what else is there to say.

we all know what is coming.
even if we don't want to admit it.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

happy rainy saturday.

thats right its damp and nasty, but its also near 75 degrees, practically unheard of for this area in mid november. would have been nice, if it wasnt so nasty. oh well.

i finally heard from my group leader who basically said that they were going to get together midday on monday to figure out what they wanted to do, the project i will remind you is on monday. she also said that if i want to figure something out and come up with it, i am more than welcome to, and they would go from there on monday. of course.
thats exactly how i want to spend my entire weekend.

but if it gets done. ill do the visuals and all and maybe they can come up with the speaking and what not.

whatever.

sarah's sister is expecting a son in december. andy and i went out and got her something, hoping that we can meet up with sarah sometime to give her the gift to bring to the baby shower they are throwing for her tomorrow afternoon.

ooo its another exciting weekend isnt it?

Friday, November 14, 2008

You know your getting older when you actually enjoy staying home on a friday night, vegging out on the couch and doing absolutely nothing but watch the hockey game. you begin to ask yourself when did this happen. because im pretty sure it wasn't always like this. in fact, i know it wasn't. and it wasn't that long ago. maybe its my two hour one way commute now that now makes me exhausted. or maybe its the fact i am expecting so my times just don't seem like they used to.

or maybe i am just getting old.
but either way i love the fact that i am vegging out on my couch, watching the game. granted i would love to be at the game but i understand i need to share the love with my brother in laws. and i know they are technically andys tickets and he can give them to whomever he so chooses.

and tonight that just happens to be elliott and matt.

and you know thats just fine by me.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Growing up, my older sister and our dad had this agreement, if they ever came across a cabage patch doll with her name on it, he would buy it for her. you see, she has a unique enough name. burgandy. so every time we hit up the toy store, we would make a bee line for the famous dolls and look throuh every single one for the names. luckily for us, we were all females so headin to the doll department was never a big issue. but we still did it.

not surprisingly it never came up.

and even though we are no longer adults, we still do this. every time i go to the store and pass the now, reissued dolls, i look to see if her name is on one of them. i dont know if its more out of habbit or if its because she generally wants one.

so with the holiday season coming up, they have them everywhere. last night while waiting for dinner with Andy's parents we ran into Target.-being pregnant and having to use the restroom more often than not not always fun-and there at Target we pass by the toy section. Of course I had to look and once again, there was no Cabage Patch kid named Burgandy.

But my lovely husband, asked, "isn't there a place you can specifically order them online with her name?"

and by golly there is. i sat in front of my computer last night, astonished. and so tempted.

I really wanted to get her it.
If nothing more than for a good laugh.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

i know, i am horrible with updating this blog. i know i should do it more often than i actually do. ive just been so.

busy.
life has been busy.

my semester is just about done, or at least i tell myself this. i still have a good three weeks to go. but its better than the alternative. the full sixteen weeks. its going, well. its there. it seems as with every semester i have one class i am rocking at and another that i am not. or at least i dont think i am anyhow.

and it is, a lot harder than it used to be, now that i am well into my sixth month of pregnancy.

hows that going?

im getting big. or at least i feel like i am. and baby is doing well. i feel him moving a lot more, which is all together an incredible experience. so thats great news.

and i am getting really excited to meet him....let the countdown begin.

now as i have said before, i am busy.

which reminds me i have a meeting in five. i should get going.

Monday, October 27, 2008

So we received the first baby gift this afternoon. and yet i can't get it. why? because the apartment complex that we live ins office was closed. so until tomorrow i get to wait on that first baby gift.

damn it!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

the funny thing is, i am expecting. and yet in the past week, my grandmother, and both sisters have found themselves in the hospital. all for different reasons of course and at different times. but you would think, i would be the one that would be running to the hospital. though i am still a good three months away i have yet to had myself landed there.

nanny-heart issues.
burgandy-high blood pressure they were worried about her having a stroke.
hillary-anxiety attack.

i am however glad to report all are ok. still. not a comforting thought for my parents.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Nanny is still in the hospital. They moved her to ICU yesterday and she seems to be gettin a bit better. Though it is still a rough situation and one that none of us like to think about.

Again all we can do is just sit and pray.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

so my mom called me this evening. my grandmother was put into the icu unit of fairfax hospital this afternoon. her heart is weakening, and it doesn't look good. we are all in a waiting period. waiting for her to get better. waiting for her to get worse. or waiting, for something that none of us want to speak of as yet.
but we know its coming. have known its going to come.
its the waiting that's the hardest of it all.
and the unknown.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

i know. its been awhile. so let me do a quick update.

-im now 22 weeks pregnant (as of tomorrow anyway)
-we found it we are having a boy. so andy gets his hockey buddy. and i may get a mommas boy. its a win-win situation.
-i am now halfway through the fall semester. yeah its tough but im looking forward to getting it over with. six more credits i wont have to deal with anymore.


and i know this entry sucks.
but im a busy person...
so my time is sucky for the moment.

but hey at least you got an update.

Monday, August 25, 2008

as i have said last week, classes began this evening. joy. had an orientation for my online portion of the management class i am taking on thursday nights. so far so good. thats the brilliance of the beginning of the semester. we all start with an A. it looks like its going to be a good class and i feel as though i have taken it before. at nova, but when i transferred over to mason, they wouldnt accept the credit. which is fine. i got a B+ at nova, so i should be fine. not to mention i have the class notes from the class at the community college. so more possibilities of scoring higher.

tomorrow is communication.

so me can talk pretty sumday

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

School Fall semester starts next week. This thought depresses me greatly. More papers to be written, chapter to be read and tests to be taken.

Joy.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Well

So Andy has created our own baby blog. While I have been blogging for nearly ten years, with various websites he felt like my own blogs, were off limits to him. So as he said, why not create one specifically geared to baby blueberry and our baby adventures.

So for all those that are interested. Here it is.

http://mattice.110mb.com/index.html

I will still posting in here, for various ramblings, and what not but this site. Well we should both be contributing to.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

on being sick.

I finally called the doctor about the cold I have been battling, unfortunately however the advice nurse I spoke to informed me that it would be for the best if I don't take anything for it. Meaning I get to suffer for who knows how much longer until this cold decides to leave. Either that or the doctor calls and tells me otherwise.

In my sick state of the world I have thrown the 3rd season of Grey's Anatomy on the DVD player and plop myself down on the couch for the marathon watching. Hoping that by watching, Patrick Dempsey as McDreamy that it would somehow make me feel incredibly better in the blink of the eye.

I am however. Still waiting for the medicine to kick in.

And I thought McDreamy could somehow cure everything!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

So most of the major group at work now know. I knew they would know eventually, I mean I am not showing majorly yet but eventually I will be. A manager asked yesterday morning, followed by a coworker who asked if I was planning a family soon. I wasn't going to lie. So yea the cat is pretty much out of the bag I don't think it's going to be to much longer for those that don't know, to find out.

I have caught a cold on the way home from Vero, and I am battling a cold. I dont know if there is anything I can take, but I figured if it gets worse I will call the doctor to see if there is anything I can take to get better. Though I am hoping with some rest and relaxation that I can kick it before it gets any worse.

I suppose that is enough of my boring entry. I am trying to get Andy to contribute to writing but he said he isn't much of a writer.

So he is leaving it to me.

Monday, August 11, 2008

we are now entering week number 14. the second trimester has officially begun. got to say its a hell of a lot better than the first. the morning sickness i was oooo soo getting used to has finally decided to sease for now. im hoping that it will be for good. since i have been feeling a hell of a lot better for the past week now.

andy and i decided to go on vacation. driving down to vero beach florida. it was a bittersweet feeling knowing that this was going to be the last vacation before little blueberry will be tagging along.

figured i would give a better time line of things that has happened thus far. not that to many people read this. but still. im hoping to put a link out to everyone in the next several days or so. just got to get the courage up to send it.

so here it is:

June 4th- test came back postive. this also happened to be cousin tim and tiffany's baby shower day. yep. we found this to be ironic...(tim and tiff had their baby boy aug.4th so congrats)

June 30th-first appointment and baby pic. it was then the size of a blueberry. this nickname has stuck ever since.

July 31st-went to hear the heartbeat, didnt but we saw it...so that was a relief.

im hoping to go back on vitamins come this evening. they had stopped me using them other than folic acid during my morning sickness period. but hoping that now that im feeling better ill be able to deal with them a little better.

and thats the latest.....stay tuned for more

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

happy 12 weeks blueberry.....

only 32 more to go.
amazing how time flies by. seriously it seems that it was just yesterday, we were finding out that we were expecting and here we are coming up. or should i say are in our third month. and before we know it we will be heading into our second trimester.

by that point. we will be in disney again.

maybe we should name her minnie. or mickey.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

turned 11 weeks yesterday. i have my next appointment next thursday. this is supposed to be a physical. though i am not really sure why because i dont know why i need one at this point. but oh well. it must be done so it will be. but other than that everything is good. and its a go.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Im going on vacation in two weeks from tomorrow. Which is great. Andy and I cant wait. But there is a problem. As it always is, the two weeks before any vacation, or long weekend for that matter, seems to drag. I am dif. expecting it come next week which will be the last full week until the 12th of August. I am just ready to go away for awhile. We will be leaving after my appointment on the 31st, and will be arriving back home on the 10th of August. A nice long ten days away. This will be the last official, just the two of us vacations for some time.

Its a weird thought.

Work has been rather boring lately. Nothing major really is going on. Which leads to some rather long days. But oh well. I did find out (through my paystub) that with my pay increase, my paychecks will now be about a hundred dollars more. This is assuming they have already made it active for the two weeks. If not, it could be more. So I guess the August 4th paycheck will decide it. Still it was a nice fat increase. Not many people can say theirs increased a hundred dollars.

Im thirsty.

Had dinner with Sarah this evening. Her sister gets to find out if she is having a boy a girl tomorrow. I told her she better let me know. Apparently some psychic told her she was going to be having a boy, but Sarah thinks she is having a girl. Its truly a fifty/fifty shot. So who knows.

Still its exciting....I'll be finding out. Eventually that is.


Burgandy and Hillary are coming over tomorrow to do some cleaning. I need to get off this couch, and get some instructions out and make sure that they know where to get things and what not.

Not that I need to clean if they are. But I need to get things together for them.

So peace out!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Cap news

So of course it isnt hockey season, but the caps are still working on contracts and resigning players in hopes that they can once again make it into the playoffs, with the possibility of going even farther.
they were successful in resigning brooks laich, a personal favorite to a three year deal. laich, who played all 82 games last year was a key necessity to resign. while i wouldn't say he carried the team solely. he was a big part of the driving force that made the caps the team they are today. and if he continues to grow in the next couple of years. i suspect the caps will not only get their money worth, but they will find a repeat of the playoffs for years to come.
there is also talks, that we resigned sergei fedorov to a one year four million dollar deal. his contribution? with kolzig out of the team, i believe that fedorov could become a great leader role that some of these younger players are going to need. yes we have clark still, but with fedorov being in the league for going on eighteen years, he has the knowledge and the experience we tend to forget about these days.
he just needs to cross his t's and dot his i's and its all but a done deal.
next up for the caps to work on: shaone morrison. who goes into arbitration before the end of the month.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

our fourth was nice. spent the weekend down in Smithfield NC at mom and dad's house (Burgandy and Jamie live in it for the moment) despite some of the rain on Friday, it was a nice fourth. Spent the day at Maxwell's house were we cooked out, played some games and just sat around goofing off. The rain delayed a lot of the local fireworks so we headed home to watch NY City's and Boston's fireworks. We decided that this year, the firework wars went to Boston who just seemed a bit more patriotic than NY City. And yes that is hard to say, considering most people would think NY should be the city of patriotism. Kind of bummed that we just missed the DC firework show but since we live in the subburbs of DC, we figured we could see it whenever we wanted to. Of course, we say this every year, and each year we always decide to do something other than head into the city for the fourth. Though by this time next year, we will have a little one and so the possibility of staying in town doesn't seem to be that outrageous.
We stuck around the Raleigh area until Sunday afternoon were we regretfully had to return back to reality and to the life up in DC.
But as always it was nice while it lasted.
And our trip to the beach will be here before we know it anyway. So I suppose I shouldn't be to sad.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

you know its hard to do work on a computer that has no power. and when you call to get it worked on, there is something to be said when the electricians on duty dont know what the matter is, and cant garuantee that they will be getting anything fixed right away. maybe monday. who knows.

isnt it great working for a computer company.

but you know. its priceless, when they tell you to go home. no one will argue with that now will you.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

free agency.

it was the start of free agency in the hockey world. and how did the capitals do?
we resigned mike green to a four year deal. thats the good news. we needed this. he was and still will be a great asset to the team last year. i have no doubt that he can do the same for this season.
we are also still in talks to resign fedrov. ovechkin says he is betting that we will resign them but you never know in these situations.
so whats the bad news? or is there. well we let huet get away from us. or maybe he wanted to. apparently george mcphee did all he could do to keep up with everything he wanted throwing it out on the table. whatever he asked for, he matched. still it wasnt good enough for him. and in the end he signed with chicago for a five year deal with over five million dollars per year.
so what or whom did we get?
theodore. from the colorado avalanche. andy says he is a good match and will do well. i say time will tell...

and if your wondering what happened to olie the goalie? he went to tampa bay lightning where he will be playing with old team mate, and personal favorite of mine. jeff halpern.

and while the season doesnt start for a couple of months. in our household. its the only thing on our mind.

at least for the next twenty four hours anyway.

Monday, June 30, 2008

had our first appointment this morning. all looks really good and is smooth sailing....everything looks where they should be, and clean. which is a good thing. and yes there is a baby. which is the most important thing because really, that is what we were there for so it was good to see.

and it was also a realization. i mean yes, we can take a pee test, and get a positive result and you can feel like you are. but until you see it on the screen? well that is totally different. its like wow, its actually there. its actually happened.

and it is a great feeling....

to be honest.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

i would like to say i am feeling better. but its just not happening right now. in fact, in many ways i would say its getting worse. those tacos i had let me tell you, i dont think they are going to be exactly great if they happen to come back up. though i am hoping they dont.

and i am trying to hang in there. working full time is making it difficult. trying to hide from everyone right now and feeling the way i do isnt exactly the easiest thing for me but im trying. i dont know if i will be able to hide it past vero which is coming up in just about a month from next week. by that point, we will be entering our second trimester and hope to be in the clear.

though the way i feel. well i dont know if thats going to possible.
but i may surprise myself. i am fortunate. most of my coworkers are in and out for the next month. and most are male. though that may not have anything to do with them. and they could notice just as much as women do. though andy says he would be surprised if they notice anything.

still running to the bathroom every hour or less may give them a pretty clear clue.

We shall see.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

the cat is out of the bag to both burgandy and hillary. we told them this afternoon, hillary in person. and burgandy over speakerphone. they were both excited. this will make the third time for burgandy aunt wise. and hillary's first.

i dont know who was more excited of the two.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Just liked to say.

Welcome to the first day of Summer.

Shine on!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

I feel like shit. Seriously. I would love to be able to candy code it with how great it is, and how much I am enjoying it. But right now. Well right now I feel to sick to even think about how great its going to be. How I feel as though, when I eat I am going to get sick. And when I don't I am going to get sick. I just feel sick to my stomach twenty four seven. And I wonder if this is normal? I keep hoping that after the first trimester it will be better. And I am sure it will. After all, how many people say the first few months of the pregnancy is the hardest. They also say this about marriage as well.

I don't see how people can do this eighteen times. That blows my mind. I am just trying to survive and manage my first not even thinking of the others. And I commend them for being strong enough to deal with the sickness, the feeling and all for that long.

Because really all I want to do right now is just go to bed. Or get better. Don't get me wrong. I am excited. And i am looking forward to it all. The experience. I think its going to be incredible. But what you don't hear about. What people don't tell you is how much you feel like you have a major case of the flu. They don't tell you you aren't going to feel like yourself for three months.

Because if they did, how many people would sign up?

Truthfully.

Though maybe its the hormones that are making me bitch.

Monday, June 16, 2008

We are now entering week 6. Nothing major at the moment. Though I have been pretty nauseas and had a major headache throughout still....but I hear to wait. That the most will be coming up within the next few weeks. Unless I am lucky. Not thinking about it. Just will let it come as it comes, and let nature takes it course whatever that may be. Andys father told us to enjoy it and experience everything we can for there will only be a first time. So that is exactly what we are doing.

Even Andy has gotten into it. Picking up What to Expect when Expecting.....

I don't know who is more fascinated with it.

Him or myself.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

So both sets of parents know. Both were very happy. Ecstatic to be more precise. Andy's father just about cried and his jaw dropped to th ground, his mother of course was thrilled but said she suspected something when we said we had a hidden motive . While my mom couldn't believe her baby was having a baby, and my dad totally missed the announcement the first time.

We are waiting til after the 30th, when our first doctors appointment gives us the clear to tell the rest of the gang.

We are sure they will be just as thrilled.

And while we had a lot of emotions last week. This weekend, we are actually generally excited.

Thank God.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

big night for the caps

Congratulations to the Washington Capitals who took home three key awards this evening in the NHL awards.

Alex Ovechknin won The Hart, The Pearson, Ross and Richard awards.

and Bruce Boudreau won for Coach of the year. (Adams)

While it was almost a given that Ovechkin was going to win the four, Bruce on the hand was a 50/50 according to many. So it was a pleasant but deserved win.

Thanks for bringing home the metal.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

isnt it funny, how with one little test. everything you know about your future changes...

just like that...

and suddenly.

its not just about you anymore

Monday, June 9, 2008

my period was due last weekend. to begin with i didnt think anything of it. because well, for me ive been irregular off and on throughout my entire 'womanhood.' but by friday night, i have to admit i was getting pretty nervous. and suspicious.

i didnt say anything to andy. i had my own thoughts. we went out and bought baby shower gifts and went. talking about babies and futures and what not. all the while in the back of my mind i could think of nothing else but the fact i very well may be expecting myself.

and on the way home, i made andy stop at the local cvs. and when we got home, i ran straight to the bathroom to take the pee test.

and the result?

postive.

we are pregnant

it came as a shock, because we have been told by so many people that it usually never happens on the first try. and yet this was exactly our first try.

and wala....

but believe me.....

it was/is a pleasant surprise.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

i find i could have some interesting news within the next few days.

i shall leave you in suspense and tell you to..

just stay tuned.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

now that summer is here, television has gone to the shithole. or at least you would think. now and days however, reality tv has taken over and given us all the joy of summer delight. you have your dancing shows, you bachelor shows. you have your funny game shows and new dramas that hope to make it to primetime lineups in the fall.

and who can forget the return of american gladiators.

really how many people didnt watch that in the eighties?

and the best part about the whole show

the return of the tight blue spandex!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Cool News.

On the way home last night Andy and I sat in traffic talking about our day as usual. Me, with my DC job, and Andy with his job for the Washington Capitals. As usual I didn't have much to report. I never truly do. I come in, I do my thing and leave. Andy on the other hand always seems to have something interesting. A player came in. He got to do this for the big boss. He gets to design some of the coolest things for the team. Like the Young Guns poster he was so proud of. Anyway. So last night he was talking as he usually does about office politics and what not. And then he slides in some of the biggest (and coolest in my opinion) news. He gets to design the 2008 Southeast Division champions banner that the Caps will proudly display in the stadium from this fall until the end of time. My HUSBAND gets to do that!

What more honor could he want? A Stanley Cup one perhaps? That will come. In the next year or two.

But until then. To know he gets to say he did that. And every time we return to the arena. Whether it be as an employee or simply as a fan.

He will forever be able to say. He did that.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

so its confirmed. everyone loves my hair. from coworkers, to my husband to the guy at the local store where i get my sodas in the afternoon. isnt it amazing how much something of a change can do. how people that would never would have thought to notice you, suddenly notice you.

its nice though. i have to admit it is.

one should dif. do it more often.

Monday, June 2, 2008



sometimes. a change is incredible. so i took the leap. and cut off my hair. and i love it. but what is even more amazing. is what a simple haircut change can do to someone. i walked in to the office and it was as if i wasnt that awkward looking girl anymore but beautiful. and everyone told me how great it looks.

here to all those trendsetters!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

you know what really sucks?

coming home from a great vacation.

ahh. its back to work tomorrow.

high ho high ho.....

its off to reality i go..

Thursday, May 22, 2008

My 28th birthday.

i turn 28.

wow...

im having a problem with this. more than i thought i would to be truthful. why? because before this, before this exact birthday. i was always twenty something. first it was early twenties, then mid...i could still say i was in my twenties and had a long way to go before i hit thirty.

but now?

well now i am two years away from the big 3-0. i am now in my late twenties. i dont know. maybe im stressing about nothing. but turning twenty-eight. its just kind of scary.

though my husband lived to see his thirties with no problem so there is hope for me.

it really cant be that bad.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

And the Winner Is...

Oh my god.

My voting finger paid off.

David Cook is the new American Idol. 2008.

Thoughts on American Idol.

It comes to two men. Both named David. One, a twenty five year old bartender and the other a seventeen year old high school kid.

A battle of two Davids. Both talented. Both want the prize when all is said and done. And how do I think its going to play out.

Personally, I believe in the end, it doesn't matter who is the best (to me, Cook) but rather, who has the biggest fan base. Who can convince people to vote for them more than twenty times.

Its a popularity contest peopole.

David Archuleta has that going for him. Since he is 17, the young girls go wild for him. He is adorable in the little brother kind of way. Though I for one can't stand the way when he sings, he tends to lose his eyes. And his voice, its just there is something about him that I just am not a huge fan of.

David Cook on the other hand, is the rocker. Is American Idol ready for a rocker to win. Probably. Look at the success of Daughtry even though he wasn't officially the winner. But he doesn't have the little boy charm. And he doesn't have preteen girls screaming their heads off for him. But he out of the two has the talent that would be the kind of talent needed to go all the way. The talent one needs to have the longevity.

Archuleta falls behind in that category.

So who wins. Archuleta probably. Cook a very close second.

May the best David win.

Monday, May 19, 2008

I wonder what its like to date twenty five men at one time. Reality tv makes it look so glamorous. Makes it look so easy. They make it look romantic. They make it look as though every fairytale that you could ever think of, can come to life. How many of us, which we could take a stroll along the beach, right at sunset. How many of us, wish we could dress up in fancy name brand dresses all the time, and live in a castle.

When in fact, I don't think it is as easy as they make it out to be. After all, I can barely manage to keep up with the one man in my life. I can't imagine what adding twenty four more to the mix would be.

And it leads me to wonder, can someone in a matter of six weeks. Go from dating twenty five guys to meeting the man of her dreams and marriage proposals. Could it even be possible. Yes I have heard of those couples. The couples that meet one weekend and marry three/four weeks later.

But this is television. Their relationship is played out over such a short time span, in front of America and throughout the world. Could it really be possible for two people to fall in love under such circumstances?

Possibly.

And yet.

I can't help but think, how damn lucky she may be. You have twenty five nice looking men. All fighting for your love and attention. How for a matter of moments, I would love, to get half that attention or had that attention on me.

Not to mention, how damn lucky she is.
I won't deny it. Even if I am happily married.
Some of these men are rather hot.

Friday, May 16, 2008

End of the Semester.

after a semester is done, there is those days just afterwards where you sit in front of your computer and wait for that magic grade to appear. and even if you know what your getting you still sit there just waiting anxiously to see it. as if it appearing will make you feel that much better.
but it does.
somehow seeing the grade puts a completion to the semester. a finalization that for the short time between one semester and the next that you can actually breath a bit easier knowing that you passed. im thinking positively here. for it could be the other way around. and if you fail?
well then you wish never to see that grade posted.
as for myself? my psychology professor posted mine yesterday. surprisingly enough, I landed a C+ in it. So I guess you could say he was right. I did better than I think I did.
What about Science?
Havent heard officially yet. my guess would be a C. If I am lucky. My tests werent the strongest in that area either. But I did all the extra credits so I should be in some way shape or form ok.
But its the waiting that is killing. The I need to know. I need to make sure that I passed. Need to get on with it. Its like a damn bandaid. Just rip it off already.
It would probably hurt a lot less than this waiting is.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

There is a point right before you go on vacation where you don't want to do a damn thing. I like to call it vacationitis. I sat in my cubical today, thinking how much I didn't want to do anything. How I just wanted to skip the next week and head straight down to Florida and get the six day break on the road.

Lord knows I need it. The week before, we all need it. We start feeling yancy. We start day dreaming and doodling on the side of the notebook instead of taking notes. And you begin to wonder how your going to make it through the next week.

7 days...can be either one of two things.

either extremely long
or extremely short.

im hoping mine will be the latter.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

so.

this semester is finally over.

let the summer begin.

Monday, May 12, 2008

So, its exam week at Mason.

Joy.

But on a better note, I took one this evening.

One down, one to go.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Went and saw Kenny Chesney yesterday up in Baltimore MD. The weather was a lot colder than it has ever been in previous times. But as always, there is something about him, that when the sun goes down, and he arrives. Being cold is the last thing on my mind.

As I sat there creaming at the top of my lungs to She Thinks My Tractors Sexy. I couldn't think of a better way to welcome summer.

Bring on the flip flops.

Friday, May 9, 2008

lets talk hockey

Its a sad day in the hockey world. No, no one has died, no one has been seriously injured either. But for those of us who have followed the Washington Capitals for the past two decades, well someone may as well have.

Call it an end of an era, the final bow. Whatever you may. But as of this morning, long time goalie, Olie Kolzig has decided he won't be returning to the organization he has been with for 17 years come Training Camp in September.

He will either do one of two things. Find another team in hopes that they will think highly enough to put him as their main goalie. Or he will retire.

I for one wish him luck in whichever he decides to do.

Am I surprised? Not really. I mean yes, I was hoping that by some chance he and the team would come to a decision and would work things out. But on the other hand, my heart told me I knew this would come. Sooner or later.

But I have to say this. The team will not be the same without him. I can't even imagine how foreign it's going to be come October, at the first home game looking down at the freshly cut ice and realizing Olie won't be stepping on the ice. There will be no more Godzilla chants.

Foreign indeed.

Vogel, of the Caps organization said it best, when he mentioned it being personal. I agree. While I haven't followed the team as long as my husband has, or half the others out there. I have followed it for quite some years now. And before so, the only name I remember is Kolzig. He was supposed to be a forever name to the organization a personal establishment.

He was also the first true Cap I remember following even remotely. I guess I like many felt like he was going to be around for ages. We tend to forget the players are human, and if they don't get what they want from one place, they are bound to look somewhere else.

We can not fault him for this.

Still.

I take it personal because he was the Caps. Because he was one of the first 'famous' people I met during the two years I worked at Z104. How clearly I recall not letting him in because I had not one clue whom he was. How I blushed when Haber finally told me and I quickly looked around let him and turned bright red.

I take it personal because he was the first hockey player I had seen close enough to realize what incredible athletes they are.

Let me tell you. He had a nice butt. Among other things.

I take it personal, because it feels as though I have lost someone so dear to my heart. It hurts.

I will miss him.
And his beautiful ass as well.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

you know whats a scary realization. when you look around. and everyone you know are doing one of two things. they are either:
a) getting married
b) getting pregnant. or
c) all of the above.

and you begin to think, there used to be a time, when that was the furthest from any of your minds. and you begin to feel old. maybe because you realize. youve been married for nearly two years now. and babies arent that far off. or maybe its because, you want a baby and it feels as though everyone else has or is getting it. not that you are trying. but still. your thinking, ok its logically going to be us coming up here. i mean seriously. dont think it isnt. you begin to think how true that is. how in a year or two. it isnt just going to be the two of you anymore.

but everyone else is doing it. and its just weird. because who in a million years thought you were going to be at the age when everyone was getting married after all you can remember when thinking thirty was old. or it just seemed like so much older. and now your approaching it within the next couple of years.

maybe it scares you that much more.

seriously. it seems as though we are in the every one but ourselves are having or expecting babies. Michelle and Braxton had theirs Sunday the 4th and Andy's cousin and his wife had theirs yesterday.

Tim and Tiffany are expecting in August.


ok. so most of my best friends are still unattached, and arent even close to walking down the aisle. but its happening. more and more. another one goes off the market. and then another.

and i just feel like im so old. because ive been there done that. would have bought the tshirt. but they were all sold out.

would i switch places?

probably not. i was happy. i did it in my time. and i dont want to go through the pain of trying to find the love of my life again..

but with everyone expecting im not sure i want to be drinking that water any time soon.

on second thought.

maybe i do.

Monday, May 5, 2008

So...

Happy Cinco De Mayo..

May you all wake up very happy drunk campers.

Now go have a beer on me!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

just after nine thirty at night
another weekend is now out of sight.
tomorrow begins another week
this sunday night just got a little more bleak.
five more days and i am free.
but thats just to long if you ask me.

Friday, May 2, 2008

three weeks.

Three weeks from today. We will be in Disney World.
I will be turning 28 and Andy and I will be sharing 2 years of marriage.

Lets make some magic people!!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

on my way home from the office this afternoon i got on metro, and this family in front of me just stopped right there. in front of the meter. i guess they couldnt find their tickets. and then when they did. it took them forever to put it in the machine and walk through. the regulars like myself stood behind waiting as patiently as we could for them to finish so we could go through and make our way home. most of us try to be patient as we can. for the most part its not to horrible. we understand.

after they moved on they dwalded all the way down the escalators. filling up the entire row so you couldnt get through. i smiled and said excuse me several times before they moved.

and then it hit me.
i had become on of them.

the dctonians. the get out of my way, im heading home and you need to move kind of people. i am a regular now. i know how to zip through lines and avoid making eye contact with the creepy guy in the corner that smells a lot like booze kind of people.

i dont even flinch when someone calls someone else bitch. or asshole. ive probably been called one myself without realizing someone has done so.

i know how to get around the city, hopping from one train to the next without looking on at a map. and i can even help those around me. i wear sneakers all the way into town, and out of i carry my lunch in a plastic bag with my name written on it.

and i go through a book a week.

at least.

now granted i am not as rude as most of the people. i will say excuse me. i will go out of my way to avoid running people over. i smile. i give up my seat so that the older lady that just got on can sit down.

still i blend now. more so than i did. i dont have that im scared of where i am going look in my eye anymore. im almost comfortable working in dc. even if it is in the not so great part of town.

and it only took five months to do so!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

the disability card

id like to thank those oh so wonderful dc metro riders.
thanks for nothing.
im on the metro this afternoon, and as usual its packed. i look around, hoping to grab an open seat. i knew there wasnt going to be one but you have to look anyway. popping in my ipod i wrap my hand around the pole and prepare to hang on for the forty five minute ride home.
as the train begins to empty, people begin to take the now empty seats. usually, you let the person that had been there for the longest or the person that is the closest to take it.
and then you have those with disabilities. like myself. which usually get a free take a seat pass. except. i dont use that card. because unlike most of them, you would never know i had one at times. so i wait my turn. and finally after several stops. i spot one so i began.
thats when this woman out of nowhere shoves me out of the way and takes the seat.
since when did people become rude?
or have i just refused to notice?
so i once again wrap my fingers around and wait. hoping that something would open up.
and one does. so i begin to take a seat, and a woman three times my size gets it before i do.
its times like this i wish i did pull out this disability card on them.
i wanted to tell her so.
but i am sure, she would have told me being fat was a disability. either that or would have swallowed me whole.
so i shut up and stood the entire way.
putting the disability card back in my pocket for another day.

Monday, April 28, 2008

when it comes to psychology exams. i have come to the conclusion that i just cant win. granted i just took the exam and i wont be getting my results back until sometime midweek. still i left with an unsettled feeling.

like well shit.
i give up.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

its amazing how in the blink of an eyes, a flick of a hockey stick. the season is over.
and the only thing left to do is thank the fans. and wish that next season is better.

Friday, April 18, 2008

so two things in my works.

1. i really really hate the flyers. and their fans.
2. im thinking of trying, really trying this time to quit caffeine/sodas.

stay tuned.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

tomorrow it begins.
playoffs for the caps against the flyers. bought my red and will be supporting them the entire way.
it does seem odd though. its near 80 degrees outside and the dc area is getting ready for the biggest hockey game in a long time. its the kind of weather that baseball is meant to be played in.
twenty four hours. and we should know who will have an early lead in the best of seven game series.

lets go caps!!!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

we are a week away from the pope coming to washington dc. a week away from traffic being a nightmare.

i think ill work from home.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

it was an amazing night. sitting in a cold ice rink, the final game of regulation games. there was an erie feeling. we knew we had to win this, after carolina's loss last night. if we won, we would be in playoffs. something the caps havent done in nearly five years. but we still had to win. the crowd, in its full red yelling mvp's. lets go caps and a thousand other chants was energitic. quite possibly the most energitic and loudest i have ever heard it.
i had another reason to win. burgandy is a hurricane fan. up until last night, had been exstatic because they were leading the souteast division, and if we lost, they still had the division and the playoffs in the bag. but this year would not be their year. in a matter of an hour, sixty full minutes on the ice. the present would be to the caps.
and playoffs are in the air.
and ready or not. we are in.
and the caps are ready to take on whomever our oppentant may be.

LETS GO CAPS!!!!

Monday, March 31, 2008

i have had an online blog on another site for years. about eight to be exact. when i started it off. i was still a late teenager and the site was geared towards teenagers which was absolutely perfect. i didnt post all the time. much like this site. but it got to the point where i was and still am writing everyday. it wasn't like i wanted to write all the time. but it just became my way out. no one bothered me there, no one knew who i was. and it just i grew with the site as well as that journal.

but now im just about 28.
and i realize i have nothing to do with a site geared towards kids that are almost fifteen years younger than me.

so why cant i just leave?
why cant i pack my stuff up. say goodbye to the screen name i have had for a decade and just go?

why because i have almost 2,000 entries.
and i dont go on there for the teenagers opinions. they are still forming their own as it is. i go on there because its been my 'life' in words since i was 19.

thats a lot of memories that i have. a lot of time spent working on words, on thoughts. and its just. i cant exactly walk away.

can i?

Monday, March 24, 2008

i like to call myself a learner. and through the years i have been a master of a little bit of every subject. from business to education, to general ed and now psychology. is not that that i want to be in school forever, its just i truthfully dont know what i want to do.

well let me take that back. i do. i want to be a writer. i am trying to be a writer. however as my mother told me not everyone is going to be the next nora roberts or james patterson. so i guess i have been trying to find myself. and through the years well i havent exactly found the exact thing i want.

but sitting in my psychology class last week, i realized the sole reason i am probably interested in psychology. and its pure selfishness. because i have been through a lot. and a lot of negatives. ive taken care of people. been kicked down stairs. locked in suitcases.

so perhaps i am doing this, for me.

to help me.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

before moving my work to southeast dc, i worked five minutes away from my apartment. and it was great. considering gas prices kept soaring, it was extremely nice to be able to fill up every few weeks without having to worry to much about the rise.

but things have changed.
and even if i dont drive all the way into se. i still feel the pinches. as does my wallet.

i often take metro, because i hate absolutely hate stopping and going in the middle of the city. i hate the way i drive in the city and i hate the way people around me drive.but this doesn't help my wallet. i often think its more expensive. between parking and the fare. no wonder my increase in pay raise hasn't had the chance to be seen.

its going to my tank.

and with no end in sight.
the only thing i can do it suck it up and deal.

just like the rest of us.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

So I got this new job just as the new year started. I went from sitting behind a desk for eight hours a day doing pretty much nothing to working hours that vary and projects that come and go. Many involving the use of Excel spreadsheets. And while I consider myself knowledgeable with most microsoft and apple products and programs for that matter. I loath excel. Numbers after all have never been much my thing as it is.

I get this project. A project I will now be doing once a month from now til whenever. And I was told it would be pretty easy once I got started. But two months later, I find myself ready to shoot myself in the head rather than deal with it.

Who thought of these programs anyway? The kicker is , I am pretty sure they have me doing this to kill time for I often wonder who actually pays much attention to some of the research? I guarantee they will look at it for a token of perhaps five minutes, before saying oh ok, and move on to the next project.

Its the corporates way of wasting time and money.

Friday, February 29, 2008

i am an avid fan of hockey. specifically the Washington Capitals. With the trade deadline just passing us last Tuesday we acquired a third goalie from the Canadians, an act ususally unheard of. For we as a team already have two goalies. One being Olie Kolzig, the starter.

The problem?

Huet himself is a starter. Giving us not just one starter but two. Neither willing nor wanting to take a backseat to the other. Leaving the Caps management pondering over what to do. Word may be that he started tonight, as well as tomorrow night against the Maple Leafs. I garuantee Olie will not be thrilled with the idea.

Will he be back after the end of the season? Its skeptical right now

And then there is Johnny. Who seems while not happy with the decision, is perhaps more comfortable with being a backup more than the other two.

but with five weeks to go, the question on everyones may just be.

Out of three, who will make the two?

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Ever since I was a kid, I have loved music. from the lyrics to the music videos. It's just something I have been in love with forever. And this afternoon, after stepping off the metro for the work day I completed something I have always wanted to do. You see I have always wanted to break out in dance and song in the middle of a subway, a mall in a public place. Anywhere other than my living room floor. Ive gotten the idea because half the time, I watched the videos and shit they could do it, so why not me.

So this afternoon I got off the train, and Good Morning Baltimore started up in my ipod. I took it as the perfect song and the perfect opportunity I started lip syncing, and then added a light step. And before I knew it I was singing and I was a smiling and it just felt so damn good. I didnt care if people were looking at me. Which many of them did. Some people laughed. Some smiled. Most just took me for some weird out of wack teenager.

But I didnt care. For five minutes.
I lived out what I always wanted to do.
Thanks to the Hairspray soundtrack.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

oscars

I'm in the midst of watching the Oscars. It reminds me of going to the prom. A bunch of who's who in the famous world dressing up. And in the end of the night, most people won't remember who went home as queen or king, or in this case, best actor/actress. Most won't even remember whom they took as a date. The food, the presenters, perhaps even the movies will soon be forgotten No what most people will remember at the end of the night, in a week from now or even a month, will be the fashions. And just like prom, you'd be caught dead wearing something someone else was wearing.


Thursday, February 21, 2008

they say the best laid plans fall apart.
and thanks to the weather.

i now believe it.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

lets face it. we all have them. those annoying coworkers that from the moment you step into your perspective cube you know is going to be the kind that are a constant headache. a little after a month of being in my new area, i have found mine. he stands there talking about things i dont really want to know. talks when it isnt appropriate and stares down at places not tolerated in the workforce.

to put it mildly he creeps me out. and not being one to want to take the first step. nor do i want to be the one to be the awkward, i shut my mouth adn make a mental note to watch it i have already gone ahead and written it done. this may be a bit premature but sometimes its necessary. you just never know. my view.
better safe than sorry.

not really sure what i am going to be doing with this blog. thought about making it some kind of form of a disability blog or something. but i kind of like talking about this and that and not focusing in one thing.

but we shall see.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I am an adult student. Meaning I rise at five to make it down to south east DC before eight. I pull in my usual eight hours which consists of sitting in front of a computer staring at excel spreadsheets, and hour long meetings that often end with no other conclusion than setting up another meeting for later on the week. After I pull my eight hours I pack up as fast as I can in hopes that I can possibly beat the rush hour traffic in the Washington Metropolitan area and sit through a three and a half hour class. On days I don't have classes its usually spent doing homework, catching up on work, work and trying to spend the few hours before bed with my husband.
Sitting through my first ever university exam this evening I couldn't help but ask myself how in the hell did we do this when we eighteen. I could barely pay attention to the professor now without daydreaming about something else. I am only taking two classes, and still find it hard to schedule in study time and homework time. And at eighteen you not only have more than two classes, but also have a social life to contend with.
No wonder I couldn't make it ten years ago.
Am I any smarter than I was at eighteen? Who knows. I sat through the exam knowing that I studied but as I went over the exam, I felt like I had no clue what I was talking about. Nothing was coming to me. And even though I am only twenty seven suddenly I realized why this was so much easier when you are eighteen. For unlike most twenty seven years old, at eighteen, most don't work full time.
So my first exam is out of the way. Can't say I did a fabulous job on it. But it's done . And it's over. And there isn't much more I can do about it.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

another blog

so heres to yet another blog.

as my eleventh grade English teacher once said.

write on!

Sociable