Tuesday, December 21, 2010

An evening to myself.


As much as I love my husband, and my son. There are times when I miss me time. Not in the sort of way that I would trade in my son for it. But in the way that when I get that time I cherish it.

And I realize how much I miss it.

Before my son, I had plenty of me time. Mainly in part to Andy's schedule. He works long hours, and even during the semester I would often find myself alone at night. I spent it in baths, my nose in a book or glued to a television set watching whatever I wanted to. Usually it was something Andy would have no interest in what so ever. I danced around the living room, blared the music and had a pretty amazing clean apartment. But as we all know life changes.

We had a son.

And while Andy still works for the Caps, I have found myself juggling between between being a student a full time employee, and playing both mom and dad often. And that free time I enjoyed so much?

Has taken a back burner to things. On the rare occasion that I do have time by myself it is crammed in studying, writing papers and heading off to class. I look back at those care free childless days and think man what I wouldn't give for a bubble bath without having to worry I am going to wake Logan.

But tonight, its me time again. My husband is off at a game, my son off with my mom for a prearranged agreement we have had. And I have the entire house to myself for several hours.

So what am I going to do with that time?

Clean, wrap and dance, and then after draw myself a nice hot bath and enjoy the silence while it lasts.

Because who knows when the next time I will get a chance to do so.

Monday, December 20, 2010


Dear Caps-

After so many letters, which have yet to be answered. I figured why not give it one more attempt. I mean who knows right?

Well well well. This weekend was, interesting.

You had me scared there for a minute after Saturdays game. It wasn't pretty. In fact you can ask my husband. Yes we had a major blowout thanks to you. Apparently, I am all passion for the game, I care way to much about the score on the board, while he watches the game for what it is, and does not think the score is reflective on how well you actually played. And while this may be true. When it comes to the final flick of that clock, the score board is exactly what matters. But lets not get into this. One major blowout of the weekend is enough.

So yes I was scared. I went through Saturday, and most of Sunday having my husband hate me, my mother hate me and both of them telling me I should turn in my fan card right away. Because apparently the way I was reacting was not, in what so ever way healthy, normal or showing that I was/am a fan. I ignored them as they talked about Bruce, the possibilities that weren't looking good. Especially if we were going to lose again that night, which would bring the total of losses to 9. Instead I did what my mother suggested, and walked away from it all. I didn't listen to the reports about the Saturday nights game. Didn't listen to the preshow events. And by the time the game started last night. I hadn't so much thought about anything.

And when we found ourselves down by 2 last night. I simply walked away. Muted the station and turned the channel to football. Yes you heard me, football. You made me turn it on. I didn't want to see you guys lose again. And from the looks of it, you guys were heading there.

Once again.

Yet somehow, I came back to it. Just in time to see the first goal. And then the second. And before I knew it the game was tied, and you brought hope and life and everything the holiday season is about back to me. And I once again believed in you guys.

Thankfully, you gave me reason to. Once again I was jumping out of the seat cheering and all the good stuff. And as the final ticks clicked down, I sat there, a bundle of nerves rocking back and forth..not wanting to see as we held on to the one goal lead. If we could just win this game. I sat there praying for it. Like I hadn't prayed in a long time.

And I cried when I realized we had actually won.

And the amazing thing? Not one of my coworkers has come up to talk about the win.
Because apparently, only when you guys are losing do they feel the need to ask me what is up with you guys and sit for hours discussing the game.

And I have gone back to the quiet girl, with the decked out Caps cube once more.

So thank you.
Lets hope this is the last of the frustration letters from me in the near future.
But maybe I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.
Just yet.

A little bit more happy fan.

Friday, December 17, 2010

When the going gets tough.

Dear Caps-

Yes its me.


I know, I know. I have been rather harsh on you as of late. In fact perhaps harsh is a little underrated. Because lets face it, I have been rather vocal with my unhappiness in the past handful of games. And right now I am pretty sure you have no desire to even read anything that comes from me. Which means you probably won't even read this. Go ahead and discard.

I will wait.

Alright, now that, that is out of the way lets get back to the reason I emailed you. You aren't the only ones that are disgusted with my frustrations. My mom had the tickets the other night, and we sat up there, in section 424 watching it. And even though I missed the one and only goal that was scored-thanks to a smart ass comment from me to my mother resulting in her pulling down my hat at the precise moment Laich scored-I thought we were in the game. No I didn't get my hopes up but it seemed that we were at least in the game. Which is a good thing. Believe me.

That is up until overtime.
Have I mentioned how much I hate overtime.

When the Ducks scored in overtime. I cursed. I said I gave up on you. I cried. I sat there in the stands looking down at the ice wondering if it was even worth caring this much anymore. I started dropping the F-bomb like it was nothing. And I am not one to sit there and use it very often.

My mom got so pissed off at me that she went off on me. Seriously in the middle of the arena like I was ten years old. She didn't know where the whole dirty mouth came from-clears throat, umm hockey?-she informed me how ashamed she was of me, and how she has never ever seen me like this. I was becoming my father who she in recent years has banned from even being in the same room during a game.

On and on she went.
Somewhere I am sure I even heard how I am not a true fan.

I tried to save myself, telling her I was allowed five minutes of pure frustration. And that to her this is just a game but this is my life. My husband's job. I live hockey twenty/four seven. And if we weren't doing well it affects everything in my daily life.

She wasn't really having any of it.

We argued pretty much the entire way home about our situation.
And as she drove away it occurred to me, that she is right. In some ways. Because if I am a fan like I say I am, then I need to stand behind you, through the good times and the bad. Its like a marriage in that sense. And just because we hit a bumpy spot in the road for a bit doesn't mean you just walk away from it.

Sure the bad times have hit hard. But one must remember that last year you went 14 straight without a loss. This is nothing. This to shall pass.

Which is why, I will once again sit in my home tomorrow night, the holiday lights in the background and cheer you on. Because I am a fan.

No matter how much you suck at any given time.

A frustrated fan.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Winter Break.

So my final exam was turned in this afternoon. Thats right, turned in meaning it was a take home. Yes they actually have those. It was more of a paper than an exam but whatever. Its done its over with and I am officially on Winter Break until the end of January.

And how am I feeling right now?

Noe if it was only warm enough to wear jeans and a t-shirt.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

the most wonderful time of the year

That's right my friends. Not only does December bring about the much anticipated holidays but it also brings the end of another semester.

I would like to think one of these days I will be sitting here telling you that its my last final ever. Sadly its not today and not this year. Though if you want some good news, and who doesn't, well come the end of next semester I will be a Senior. So that's at least something to look forward to. But until then I sit here attempting to study.

But heres the thing, finals week in December have never been easy. After all in sitting here thinking about gifts, if there is anyone else I need to get. Have I gotten everything for Andy and Logan. I'm thinking about holiday parties and pumpkin pie. Considering I haven't had dinner pumpkin pie sounds fabulous.

Another words I'm thinking about anything but my final in just over an hour. Still with a little luck, and the knowledge that I only need ten points to get a C, maybe I just may pass the damn thing.


Which means I should get off here.
Back to studying I go.
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Monday, December 13, 2010

Round 2...

Dear Caps.

Here we go again.

Yes its me.

I am assuming my first letter did not get to you in time for this weekends games. I should talk to the mailman, or the squirrel that I am pretty sure runs my computer about this.

Listen...this is getting old. Do you think I enjoy coming into work every day after a lose feeling as though I have justify why you guys are playing the way you are? Justify the reasons I think, Bruce should and will stick around? Explain why Ovi isn't the same man he was last year. Yes we know he isn't the scoring machine he was, but hello he has been incredible with the assist. Yet, apparently it isn't exactly what these guys want to hear. Which is pretty amazing for last year they were complaining he was to strong, to aggressive and now these same men are telling me they need the old Ovi back. You know, come to think of it what should I expect? They are men, aggressive is right up their ally.

OK yep, I am getting off base here. Forgive.
Lets get back on track.

I realize you all have the flu. Its being passed around like those stink bugs this past summer. Its horrible. Really it is. I wish I could have magical remedy to clear it up. But I don't so you just get stuck with a letter instead. I know you are just so thrilled. I can read it across your face as I type this out.

And because I am sure this will make know no difference in the long run, I would allow me some time just to bitch. Because I need it. And even if it does nothing to change the outcome, it will make me feel at least a hell of a lot better.

I am really at loss of words lately when it comes to my favorite team. I mean for years we-as in the Washington DC-area have been in a rut for a great sports team. But it seemed that you guys had changed that. You were the bright spot in this area. Now I am not saying I wasn't a fan before you guys rose to your stardom. As we established in my first letter I have been a fan for a long time now, back before the rock the red, seats filled completely days. But when you guys became the team that you are supposedly now, well.. You promised not just myself, but the town a chance.

And we believe(d) in you. I believe in you.

And yet I am finding it harder and harder to defend you. I dread coming to work the day after a game when you lose. Especially to a 7-0 loss. That one hurts like hell. I sit in my cube and hide from all the nay sayers looking for any information that they can get from me.-Confession here, my husband works for the team-and while I don't give them any we spend hours discussing it. The reasons, the questions. And I try, oh do I try to encourage them to continue to follow you guys.

But I am losing my battle.
And I need some help.

Maybe its the flu that is going around, or the cameras for this HBO special. Or maybe its the Redskins, after all they have been in a slump for what...years? But whatever it is, it needs to get fixed. The sooner the better.

Again, as I have said, I can't do this alone.

So we need to figure out what is going on here. We need to get back to the team I know and love. No, I don't expect you to win every game. But I really don't want you to lose every game either.
So if we could maybe figure out a compromise.

Well I would be eternally grateful.

A frustrated fan.

Friday, December 10, 2010

A heartfelt letter.

Dear Caps-

I think its time we talk.

You are breaking my heart.

What are you trying to accomplish here? Trying to kill me? Trying to force me into not believing you are the team that is supposedly Cup worthy this year? Because if you are, then your doing a wonderful job. Seriously if this is the case then so be it. Go ahead and play like shit, give up, pack it in and call it a season right now.

I will see you next October.

But I thought we were stronger than this, I thought we were the team to beat, not the team to beaten, broken down and thrown out like yesterdays garbage. What happened to the team that in the beginning of the season promised me they would make it farther than the first round this year? Have you lost it so much that you can't gain any ground? Have your young guns already peaked? Please tell me this is not so.

I get it, I know that the sport is hard, the season long. And by no means are we anywhere near being out of it. This I know. Just as much as I know everyone is after us. But seriously, some of these teams were easily beaten...hello Panthers? Its been what how many seasons since they beat us on our home turf?

Well up until last night that was.

You can't tell me you only want to pay attention to the 'big' games. If you are then you are in for a surprise, because yeah the other teams, that ones that you thought were so easy you could win without trying, well they turn into actual teams that are willing to challenge, and apparently beat us.

I also understand that every team has their shitty moments. I am assuming this is what we are going through. But do you think you can maybe stop this? Four games is by far enough for me. Somehow I don't think I am the only one that would agree on this either. I am also trying not to listen to the nay sayers that are telling me the coach should be fired, Ovi should be demoted and that everyone on the team needs to be traded. Because while they may think so, I doubt this would be the answer.

Which leads me, and anyone reading this asking, what the hell is going on and how do we fix it? I will not pretend to have all the answers. I am no coach or even analysis after all. But what I do see is a lack of confidence, a lack of leadership. Maybe Ovi isn't the captain we thought he would be? Maybe we need a veteran in there. Someone who will get mad with everyone and isn't afraid to say anything. That sort of guy. I mean Ovi is wonderful, but does he do any of this? We need this sort of leader.To bad the only one I can think of the moment worthy of the position has his mouth wired shut.

And while I know its a lot easier said than done, we need to win. Stop blaming things such as the flu on your losing ways. Look deeper. You have to want it, to win it. I know you guys are playing for the Cup, but you are also playing for the fans. And without us, you guys wouldn't be the team you are today. Believe me I know I sat through plenty of empty seat games to know how we have changed you, and how you have changed us. But please dig somewhere deeper til you find out what has been missing. Until you find out what playing is worth, until you find out what is missing..I am afraid this is going to go nowhere.

Yes its a game. But it is also your life. Your profession.
You guys are better than this.

I still stand behind you. I still can't wait for the day that you raise the cup at the Verizon Center and blow the rest of the hockey world out of the water. But I can't do this alone.

Don't make me.

Yours Sincerely.
One frustrated fan.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Baby Its cold outside.

If this past week is any indication of just how this winter is going to be. I am...


I don't remember when I started to hate the cold. I mean as a kid, I was never ever this bone chilled cold. I could stand it. I welcomed it. I couldn't wait to get this first snow of the season, even more when there was an actual snow day due to it.

But now, since I have shedded the thirty pounds of baby fat I had-mind you its been ten years since I lost it all.-I just can't stand it. I hate standing there waiting for the van to bring me to work. I hate going out in it period.

I know what your thinking, just wrap up. Wear layers. Which is great. But what if that doesn't work? Because I will tell you right now, it doesn't. For the most part I wear a winter coat around the office for the better part of the day and sit there in my cube miserable. Just wanting something, anything that will warm me up.

Which leads me to my next thought, I have also been dog tired, worn out weak. Its been going on for awhile. And while I used to think it was all just pure coincident, I am beginning to think or wonder if my tiredness and my coldness has something to do with one another. So I decided to finally call the doctors to see. I am no worried, just nervous and figured its worth getting looked at.

Even if my husband thinks I am absolutely nuts to think this. The other night I was discussing this very matter with him and he kept telling me to wait, that a few days wouldn't really make a difference in the long wrong. And yet as I was describing what I felt like, he was informing me that I was assuming I had something-I mentioned the possible thyroid problem-without even thinking anything through. And how I shouldn't assume, or think I have anything wrong because yeah he is pretty sure nothing is wrong. This is all in my head.

Which is why I have not mentioned the fact I emailed the doctors and will see them if need be.


I want my mind at ease. Isn't it always better to do so then worry? Or find out to late. Maybe I just need to get new vitamins, maybe I just need to workout a little more, or maybe there is generally something wrong that I may need to get further medication for. I just don't know.

And no this is not what I am thinking.

Besides. This being cold all the time, gets rather old.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Christmas photos. 2010

And so let our holiday picture tradition start. I have never been one to do this before but figured with a little one, I may as well get on the bandwagon and begin taking an annual Holiday picture at the end of the year. And so we made an appointment with Portrait Innovations-which amazingly could fit us in-and were looking forward to it. Of course what we didn't plan on was Logan getting sick, though looking back at things it seems whenever we attempt to do a photo session he somehow gets sick. We had thought about cancelling or rescheduling. But have you seen our schedules lately?

Yea to say that we are a bit busy is an understatement. So we figured we would just make due with it. I mean after all, we only really wanted a nice photo for Christmas cards and nothing more. So if they weren't the worlds best, then oh well. I gathered up some goodies for him, along with some toys and coloring activities and said we would just have to make due with what we had.

When we got there, they informed us they were running an hour behind schedule. They gave us the option of returning later that day-they would call- or for us to wait it out. Seeing that lil man had already spotted the Lego's and was entertained we figured why not. After all getting him back in the car seat was going to be hell. So we would wait. I wasn't sure how he was going to do, an hour wait? On top of the photosession and then the selection process? This may not be good at all. Still I was determined to wait it out and see, after all I could always come back sometime and get them retaken. But I really didn't want to. And he was good thus far.
Of course seeing the others arounds me reaction didn't help. If the kids who were feeling well couldn't handle it how was he actually going to? Was I kidding myself? He was however a good trooper. And thanks to my Ipod and the activities, was a pretty happy toddler who was taking the wait better than most. In fact I felt bad for the parents whose children where having a hard time....

And while it was a long wait, we finally managed to make it back there with a still smiling little boy who you would never know was sick at all. Well except for the occassional sniff and cough.
And we were quite impressed with the photos as well. We had never used them as a photo place before, and didn't know what to expct but the quality and the price really wasn't as bad. I will say they could have been a lot worse.
We left with our wallets feeling a lot emptier than when we arrived. We had not expected to buy anything other than Christmas cards but left with a whole lot more.

Of course how could you resist such an adorable face?
Yeah there was no way we were only going to be able to pick just one.
Believe me on this one.

Friday, December 3, 2010

100 days.

Hard to believe we are once again counting down the days til our spring get away to one of our favorite places around.

That's right. We are going back to Disney in 100 days.

I was looking at photo's of this past trip back in July and it seems like it was just yesterday that we were there and here we are getting ready to get in our final months before we take off once again.

But unlike the last trip, this one is sort of special. Because it is a mom and dad trip only. I am so fortunate to have parents who actually offered to take Logan while Andy and I get some much needed time away together for a bit.

This isn't the first time that we have been able to do this, my mom in fact gave us the same offer when Logan was just six months. Looking back it was one of the hardest things to do, leaving him behind. And yet now I fear it will be ten times worse because unlike when he was six months, he will actually semi know whats going on. He will call for us, cry for us and maybe throw a tantrum or two. Everything I expect.

And yet, I can't tell you how much I look forward to some time as just Andy and Aleisha again-am I horrible to even admit this?-the hockey season has Andy tied up for the better part of the year, and we don't see each other anymore so getting some alone time is sort of a great feeling. Or thought.

So heres to the next 99 days. May it fly right on by with the rest of the year.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Its not the big things that take us by surprise.

When I had my son in the winter of 09' I knew a lot of things were bound to change. I would be a mom from now on. No longer would I be just Aleisha for example. I knew my evenings would be filled with sport practices and homework. And gone were the quiet relaxing lazy weekends were my husband and I would stay in bed for hours.

All things I took in to consideration and even looked forward to in a lot of ways.

But sometimes its the small things, the things we don't think about that catch us of guard. Like sick leave.

Before my son, I didn't care much about sick leave and for the most part I didn't even really touch it. A thing I was thankful for when I was expecting. That's right. I could go for months without so much of a day off. And it wasn't unusual for me to have an excess of over 80 hours laying around. I won't lie, I would take a day or two off when I needed a mental health day not even thinking about it. Because I had plenty and surely I would never really need all that much of it anyway.

But now that I have my son I can't seem to keep it. I am barely lucky to have stored 40 hours before either my son-which in turns gets brought to me-or myself get sick. I look back at those days not long ago when having days built up was so easy and think, man....

Perhaps I bring this up, because I have spent the past two days in bed, with the cruds and while I sit here typing this I still feel like crap but know I need to go into work if I want to have any sick leave still available.

Just in case.

Or maybe its because recently my friend had suggested we take a mental health day sometime in the near future, to do a girls day. And while I thought how lovely that would be, at the same very moment I was calculating just how many hours I would need and how many hours I need to save up, once again in the likelihood that something would come up.

I am in no means complaining about my son, or having to deal with sick kids and leave. But sometimes it just amazing how much life has changed. How much in the span of two years I have gone from careless twenty something who lived for the days of being carefree and spontaneous to a thirty year old mother of one, who seems to have to plan and prepare.

Including her sick leave.

Just in case.