Monday, December 21, 2009

For most of my life I have never been the first at anything. I am the middle of three girls. As you can guess, my older sister beat me out in most of things, which was fine even expected. But when my little sister surpassed me in the first of many. I admit I was a bit jealous. She was the first to get married-of course we don't mention she was the first to divorce as well-She was the first to have a kid. Which I think hit my older sister more in the gut than myself.

So no I had never been the first at anything.

But I realized this weekend that I am the first at something. I am the first of my close friends to get married, to have a kid. No maybe it isn't with family. But with friends. The thought came to me last night, as one of my closest, oldest friends called to tell me she had gotten engaged to her boyfriend of nine months. I congratulated her as she asked me to be a bridesmaid, answering yes of course...

Of course being the first, means all that excitement has long since passed. The moments that they are looking forward to have come and passed. My husband of almost four years doesn't quite get the reason why this saddens me a bit. And maybe he shouldn't. Perhaps I am being a little jealous even. But there are times, when I miss that excitement. When I miss the look in my husband's eyes. Don't get me wrong he still looks at me, he still loves me. But it isn't the same look he had all those years ago.

Instead there is this comfort. This everyday routine that has come to be shared between the two of us. We come we go. We know each other. We work as one to raise our son. This sort of routine that my friends will soon be in themselves.

Maybe its not so much the fact that I was the first. But rather, a hope that me being the first, isn't my last.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

So, one should mark this day down in the area's history books.

For the blizzard of 09' came through dumping almost two feet of snow on our small front lawn.

And it still continues.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Roll with it.

And so thus concludes another successful, or at least I hope-semester at Mason. Another semester done, one more closer to being done for good. As I looked around the room, half of which was a good ten years younger than me I admit, I had to give myself some made props.

I mean its not just anyone that can have a baby, be married into the NHL organization, work a full time job in the most powerful city in the world and still care enough to take two classes.

Not that it's easy. Believe me I will be the first one to tell you it isn't. In fact I can't tell you the number of times I have thought, you know how much easier it would be if I just gave up? Just said enough is enough. Because believe me the thought, has run through my mind on more than one occasion. Because it is tiring. And it is a lot of work. And sometimes I don't know how I am going to do everything. Or how I do everything.

But the truth is, if I did. If I just gave up. It wouldn't be who I am, a fighter. A never give up sort of person. Because while it may be a lot easier to do so, in the end it wouldn't really help any. And ten years from now, eighteen years from now when Logan looks at me and is trying to figure out his college choices-should that be the path he goes- I don't want to be that bad example. I want him to think if my mom can do it, I can do it. Because when he is choosing I don't want to regret not going.

So I don't. I continue to push. And I continue to trug along my merrily little way two classes at a time. Knowing that come five months from now, I am two more classes closer.

And by this time next year. I will have 7 left.


thats it.

I can do this.
I will do this.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The cruds.


I smell like puke. My mother called last night, a night she had said she would watch Logan for us to inform me that he was running a fever, his eyes were pussy and he just over and all didnt look nor feel good.


We ended up taking him to the doctors this morning. Expecting to have pink eye. After all, his eye did in fact look quite pink. But as we sat there waiting, and listening we were quite shocked to find that it wasn't the expected. But instead, the flu. Now they couldn't say if it was H1N1 or the regular flu because apparently the test to do so aren't as reliable as they would like. Which leads me to think, why do they even say they have a test for the damn thing. Instead they just say they have the flu, or like symptoms. Give the kid some tamiflu just in case and tell us to stay away from the public for the next several days.

So much for the vaccinations he received a couple of weeks ago.

This isn't necessarily the first time the little man has been sick. But it surely has been the worst. Prior to this. Well it has consisted of a few colds, and a few fevers. But never has it been the down right sort of crud nasty that this is. And just like any mother, I ache for the little guy. And there isn't anything I can really do which makes me feel that much worse. Because as a mom, I am supposed to be able to take care of anything and everything for him. Though I know there are some things, out of my control.

Girls who will surely break his heart.
Not landing a dream job.

The flu.

Oh the things I get to look forward to..
This my friends is only the beginning.

I best get used to it.

Monday, December 7, 2009

I walked into the room this afternoon, knowing that this is it. The final week of classes officially before exams next week. The official exam week is next week. But stepping in, man did it feel good. To know that for at least a little while I won't have to worry about papers or test. Granted my break is not nearly as long as the break I had last semester when Logan was born.

But at least I know for a little while. Well for a little while I can rest and forget school.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Got our first inch of snow this year. OK so more than an inch, try five and a half inches...And it isn't even winter official. Something tells me its going to be a long winter my friends.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

You know for a decade I wrote in a blog every day. And man I thought it was good, and I thought I couldn't live without. And now, I don't know but it just seems like I can't find anything to write about...

Other than the fact that I don't know....I am hoping to get back into it.....

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I have words. I promise and I am currently working on something to write that is longer than a sentence.

Just bare with me.