Saturday, March 27, 2010

Four months to go.

Three years ago, my husband Andy and I had this crazy idea of taking a family vacation down to Disney. We had just returned from the World, for the second year in a row. Excited we came home and immediately brought the idea to the family. Convincing them that we needed this, after all how many times had we talked about a trip as a family? How many times had we sat there watching the Merry Christmas Parade and said, you know one of these years we should all go back down. And how many times had we all wished to go back down.

It took awhile, but after some coaxing, Andy doing his typical sales pitch and money crunching-which thanks to our recent purchase into the Disney Vacation Club (ie-DVC) we assured them that it would actually be affordable-we finally managed to get everyone on board. Including my never going to fly mother.

Three years ago, July 2010 seemed so far away. We had time to get things together to figure out what we wanted to do etc...We in fact went a full year without so much of a mention of it. Andy and I even began to wonder if the idea we brought to the table would even turn into anything other than a fleeting thought.

At a year mark we decided to through it back on the table, did my family even remember the idea? To our surprise, they did and were all in. Planning shortly followed....

Ah yes, July 2010 still seemed far away and yet so much closer. And now, its the end of March, we just passed the four months to go mark. Dinning reservations have been set, thanks to our points everyone's accommodations have been set. Things are beginning to take form.

And yet.

At four months out, I feel as though its a lot more work than we ever thought. While my husband and I have our plane tickets-lil man still doesn't require one-no one else seems to be to concerned. Our meals may be planned, but not paid for. And while Andy and I have our annual passes, I don't think the rest have even thought about it to much. We continue to warn them about the costs because while we are taking care of the accommodations they have to take care of everything else, which isn't exactly cheap. Andy is afraid of sticker shock. Of them walking up to the counter and not expecting the near thousand dollar bill. Can almost see one or two of them barking at someone because they didn't exactly realize it was going to cost this much.

Because no matter how many times I may tell them, half the time I wonder if they are even truly listening. After all with four months to go, why should they worry about paying for anything?

Either that or them completely backing out on the entire thing which may suck but wouldn't surprise me at the same time. I think we have almost prepared for it. Just in case.

But they better not say I didn't warn them.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

To wear green or not that is the question.

Ah St. Patty's day.

A day to drink, believe in leprechauns, and wear green. A day when you claim your Irish even when your not. Because that's what the cool kids do. And while green is in fact my favorite color, I did not by any means of form wear one thing that was green. Unless of course you consider my socks.

Now some may consider this to be unspirited. Perhaps I am. But the way I see it, I am not exactly Irish. Sure I have the slight bit in me that everyone claims they do. My socks could probably cover it. So if I am no Irish, why should I celebrate a holiday that I don't even understand?

I mean truly, what exactly are we celebrating, I guarantee you there will be celebrating the praying to the porcelain gods, enough to actually believe there are such things as leprechauns and pots of golds at the end of every rainbow. But beyond that, what are we celebrating.

St. Patrick?

Does any average American even know who he is? Even after looking him up, I didn't really understand who he was. Besides some important monarch in ireland back centuries ago.

So maybe because of this, I didn't exactly feel the need to wear green. I admit it helped the fact that I own one shirt appropriate enough for work attire, and I just happened to wear it yesterday. A total duh moment on my part I have to say. Still even so, I doubt I would have rushed right out to buy something in the beautiful shade of green because I am not Irish, I shouldn't have to feel as though I am forced to partake in the spirit of the fabricated holiday.

Because I don't think I need an excuse to wear green. Do I exactly need a reason? Shouldn't I be able to wear green whenever I want, and not just on a day that is more important in another country?

Or does the fact that it is St. Pattys day, give me more the reason to wear the color for fear of getting pinched by random strangers?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Never Ending Question.

It's a rule of thumb. When you start dating, they ask you when you are going to get married. When you get married, they ask you when your going to start a family. And once you start a family? They want to know when you are going to have another.

Its the never ending, forever asking question.

And now that Logan is just over a year, it seems the question is getting asked more often. It doesn't seem to matter that I have told people that yes we want another. It doesn't seem to matter that we say, if all goes as planned another two years from now. It doesn't even matter that I tell them unlike most we want a bit of an age gap. And no I am not talking twelve years either.

Because what people here, is what they want to hear. They hear that we want another one and run with it. They assume that because want another one we want another one like yesterday.

Its not just about one person, but it seems to be everyone. From the coworker you never talk to, to your parents, your friends and the most recent, your sister. Who keeps mentioning that Logan needs a playdate.

Fine, he needs one. I get it. But isn't that what cousins are for? At the moment I am perfectly content with letting him get along with all four of his cousins.

Totally content with it.

I know this isn't just an exclusive thing for Andy and myself. I know that there are thousands of couples who deal with the same pressures as we face. And heaven forbid any of them for wanting just one kid. For being happy with just one kid.

Because in this sort of world, that just doesn't seem to be option.
And whether you like it or not. Someone always has a plan for you.

And a lot of ways, you seem to have no say.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Alex the Gr8

Alex Ovechkin.

The name is God among the DC hockey world. Just as much as Sydney Crosby is to Pittsburgh. He is the face of the team, role model to many and a spokesperson for others. He also happens to be one of the best hockey players in the league, even the World at the moment. While I am not a Crosby fan, I will say he is probably number 2. Of course everyone has their own opinion on who number one is and who number two. But that's beyond the point. And not the meaning of this post.

So of course being the player he is, when Ovie does something that pisses anyone off, you can pretty much guarantee to be hearing from the league on it. Case in point yesterday afternoons game against the Blackhawks. When he boarded someone into the wall. From where I sat, on my mothers couch it didn't look like it was intentional and it didn't look like he was out to get anyway. It looked like it was a case of bad timing. Campbell was in the wrong space at the wrong time. Ovie just happened to be right behind him. After a moment Campbell got up and walked off the ice. Ovie was sent to the box, only to be given a game misconduct shortly after. A call that would eject him from the game.

And soon it was the buzz, was it the right call? If you ask a Pittsburgh fan: yes. If you asked a Cap fan: No. Media seemed fifty/fifty on whether or not it should have been a game misconduct or not. Most however seemed to say that it wasn't.

Was it a hard hit? Yes. Did it deserve a penalty? Yes. But lets not forget who you are talking about Ovie, who is 6'2 and 223. What were you expecting? The guy to be as graceful out there as a ballerina? I don't expect anyone that big to be as graceful as I think the league wants them to be.

Ovie walked off the ice, and headed back to the locker room where he spoke to the media and cleaned up. He knew that the verdict wouldn't come til this afternoon.

And so we all held our breath as we waited for the verdict. If there was one.
The result: a two game suspension. Which isn't so great but I suppose it could have been a lot worse if you ask others.

Yes I realize I am a cap fan, which means I am going to say that I wish he would have gotten off. I will say this, I just want to see some consistency. If Campbell had been hit by Laich, or Steckel or Crosby even I doubt either would be punished. And I don't think Chicago would be pushing for the suspension as they did.

I was told that Crosby is the golden boy of the league. And in every story there has to be an equal power of good and bad.

Unforunanetly for Ovie. He just happens to be the latter of the two.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Without our son.

With mom still out of commission we once again dropped Logan off at the house this evening where he will stay for the next several days. Once again the house is quiet, his bed is empty and my husband and I are childless...

At least for the next few days.

I know that we should get things done. Clean, do projects that we have been holding off. Do homework that has been put off for some time now. Things that we always say we will get to but lets face it with a thirteen month old, things always get put on hold.

But part of me is hoping that perhaps we can use this time to try and reconnect. To pay attention to being a husband and wife again. To do that again and not worry about things like a one year old in the middle of the night. To sit there and talk, maybe we need to talk, really talk about things that we feel. things that are going on.

Because we need to.

Of course what do I think will actually happen. None of this. We will probably end up coming home every night, sitting in front of the television or computer. Not saying to much to each other. Eat in silence. Watch a hockey game and then head off to bed.

Because while we need to do these things. While I am hoping for these things. In the long run, that is our reality.

Friday, March 12, 2010

The way it was

My mom fell and sprained her rotater cuff last week. Putting her out of commission from work for a couple of weeks. She also happens to be our daycare provider. Of course with her injury, and time off, Andy and I had to figure out what to do.

On a normal day, she would come by and pick him up early in the morning, and drop him off on her way home. But seeing as though she wasn't going to be driving for awhile that option, really wasn't there.

Another option was presented, for the week my parents and younger sister would keep him at the house eliminating the need for putting extra miles and extra time onto our commute. Not to mention between Andys hockey schedule, and my school schedule, we didn't exactly have a whole lot of extra time to begin with.

We were a bit hesitant at first. A week without our lil one, while may be nice would be hard. But after some thought, we knew that it probably wasn't only the best option it was the only option. Especially considering neither of us really wanted nor had the ability to just drop everything for the week to take care of him.

As much as we may want to.

So I dropped him off on Monday giving him a precious little kiss goodbye.

And it is now Friday. For the past four nights we have been baby free. We have been able to eat when we wanted, go shopping when we wanted to again. Seen people we haven't seen in awhile. Done things we haven't in awhile.

All the while, my sister and mom have been taking care of my one year old son.

Should I be ashamed to say, to admit that I have in some enjoyed it. That I miss these days? Days when I didn't have to worry about a kid. Or that my life would no longer be my own. The days when I could sleep in past nine and not feel guilty for doing so? Or waking next to my husband and just laying there.

Now it is always one of us that gets up to attend to the little guys needs. Most of the time, one of goes to bed alone, and one wakes up alone.

Don't get me wrong. I love my son. I miss my son. I miss him terribly. But as I looked over at my husband, I realized that this week has virtually been drama free that I don't feel like we are judging what each other does. I miss the freedom of certain things. Going pee when I need to and not having to worry that lil man is tearing through my underwear drawer. I miss my husband. Who made me feel desirable and pretty back then. Now there are times when I even turn him on any more. Or if my post baby body, and new name 'mom' have somehow made me gone from totally desirable to totally untouchable.

Sometimes I can't remember when he paid me a compliment last. Come to think of it, I can't remember when I paid him one either.I am not so dumb to know that this goes both ways.

I miss movies, and dates and dinners with just the two of us. And cuddling. Yes I miss it all.

I am not by any means saying I wouldn't trade what I have because little man has become my life these days. And as much as I may think, in all honesty I can't imagine life without him.

Still from time to time.

I miss the way it was.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


When does one go from being a fan, to being an uber, obsessed over the top fan? I ask this because as my husband and I made our way into work this morning our main topic was planning out next years vacation. Yes, I am talking about next year, as in summer of 2011. As in 15 months from now.

Of course, to Andy and myself this has become pretty routine. After all we have been DVC members for just over three years ago. Back then, we laughed at people who said they planned that far out. Thought they were nuts that they knew when, where and all because come on, admit it how many of us plan for next week let alone the following summer.

And when we signed up for the DVC neither of us thought we would ever be one of them.

And yet, three years later. We are exactly. Those people.

We sit down most of the time fresh off the most recent trip. We pull out our big planning DVC book. We calculate, we map out. We do everything that needs to be done. Knowing full well that what we are planning isn't going to be for next week, next month or even within the next twelve for the most part.

We are those people, who sit there and talk about Disney, who know which restaurants to eat at at which times. What rides are no goes, we know where everything is with our eyes closed. We are those people that swear Disney is by far the best place, most fun you'll ever have on a vacation. And no we wouldn't trade it, and no we won't go anywhere for the most part, except for the occasional trip to the beach-which thanks to the DVC- is a part of the World...

Yes, we are those people. Where being just an average fan, doesn't merely seem good enough anymore. And when obsessed seems to be exactly right.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

First buds.

It happens about this time, every year. Give a day, a week or two of course. It's the first day when you can roll down your windows. When the sun is actually shinning, and warm enough that you can feel it through the window. The kind of day, when you know that the long winter months have finally given way to the approaching spring.

The kind of day, like yesterday.

Now I realize for some, this day doesn't mean anything. After all, its just another day. Especially considering it was a Monday. Definitely. because it was a Monday. But to me, this was a turning point. The point when I know flip flops are soon coming. Days of freezing my ass off while I wait for the companys van will soon be a distant memory. The days will get longer, and nights will get shorter.

I live for this sort of turning point.

And as I do at this time every year. On the first day that I can. I do my ritual. Because it wouldn't be the first day of warm weather without it. I slide into my car, a black protege for now. I close my eyes, believing for a moment that it is not just a little Civic wanna be, but rather a mighty sports car. Believing that I am somewhere on the coast, Florida to be exact. I turn up my volume and blast Kenny Chesney, who is the definition of summer. I sit through traffic and actually smile at others who like myself are stuck. Its one of the few days where I don't mind sitting in traffic. In fact I crave it. I welcome it. I purposely go out of my way to find the closest 7-11, which thankfully isn't to far away from my house. And there I rush to the back of the store, and pick up what is my first Slurpee of the season.

I smile as I get back into my car, once again rolling down my 'sports car' windows. I blast my music.

I close my eyes and lean my head back against the rest. And as I sip on that Slurpee, life my friends is good...

Even in my Civic wannabe...

Monday, March 1, 2010

Healthy boy, thankful heart

I came across this twitter the other day, supporting a family as their two year old daughter fights stage four brain cancer. And as I read the story of Layla Grace my own heart broke.

Because as I read I thought about Logan, sleeping upstairs probably snoring away, his own little heart healthy as can be. I thought about what it would do to me, to find out something was wrong to have to go through the pain this family, and others that are dealing with the same sort of situation deal with. And it made me want to wake him. To run up the stairs and just hold him. It didn't seem fair that he is healthy and active and yet some never get to have that feeling and never get to experience.

Some get robbed of the chance.

It made me that much thankful that I have a healthy little boy, that for now my life is perfect, my child is perfect and I thank the lord that I am not fighting the nasty sicknesses that some of these kids deal with.

And then I felt ashamed, because here I am thanking the lords, when I should be doing something about it. Shouldn't I? I can't do much and what could I do? But it just made me feel guilty that I had a healthy boy and they didn't. Because it could be me. Next year, two years down the road. Who knows.

I sit here, days after I first found the little girls story. Currently she is alive, barely. But she is hanging on. And these are the ones that deserve metals. For their strength the determination. For their will to stay alive. The children and their parents who stand by and watch, feeling helpless feeling emotions I can't even begin to explain or know.

They are the true champions of the day.
And even when it seems as though they don't have it them.
Some how they manage to fight.

Yes, I am thankful for my healthy logan, and hope that I will never have to watch my child go through such pain...

Fingers crossed.