Wednesday, February 29, 2012
I wonder when this became big, I mean growing up it was an extra day of school, and there was nothing special. Unless however you were actually born on the 29th of February. And ok so that would be kind of cool come to think about it. I mean how many people can actually say this. But other than that it was just another day.
Now however everyone is going crazy over it. So for this reason alone. I will wish everyone a happy leap day.
Go party I suppose.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
I sat at my desk yesterday bouncing from the report I was supposed to be doing for work, and the NHL trade deadline tracker, feeling quite guilty that I couldn't really think about work at all. As much as I tried.
Well something was bound to happen, it was trade deadline day, the day that my husband calls his favorite day of the year. The day that the rest of the fans had been looking for. Surely by the end of the day, quite a few Caps, would be known as Ex-Players, and we would be welcoming new ones. Players that would not only help us get into the playoffs, but ones that would also help us go deep into the playoffs. Well hopefully anyway. And while my focus is always on what the Caps do, I have to admit the trade deadline is not only fun to see what we do, but what others do. Who goes where, who trades what. Yes in terms of the hockey season I have to admit that trade deadline does, ranks right up there as one of the best days.
We had discussed the subject on the way into work, feeling that as we are on the verge of the playoffs, something big was going to go down. Semin for should would be gone, or maybe Vokoun, or Schultz, or Hamirlik. Or maybe a combination of something none of us would expect. We weren't sure, but we knew it was just going to happen. Even more certain when they announced that they had put Backstrom on long term injured reserve. Freeing up a whole lot more salary than we once had.
Yes something was going to happen. Just you wait.
By lunch time nothing had happened. Not with the Caps, not with the Penguins. Not with anyone. Sure there a few minor trades here and then, mainly for draft picks in the future. But nothing earth shattering. But that was ok, it was still early and we knew that most of the trades don't happen til last minute.
There was still this anticipation of what we were going to do. I pictured George McPhee, locked in his office with a do not disturb sign hanging there. I was pretty sure he was working hard, and any minute we would hear something. What would follow would be media coverage, and twitter announcements. There would be fans that would be thrilled, ones that weren't. Because this is after all DC and apparently no body can be happy with a team for to long. Yes any minute now something big would happen.
And then it became 1:30, and nothing....And then 2....
An hour to go, and nothing. Hmm, well this was strange. Still there was an hour and that was plenty of time I suppose to make a deal.
Except by 3, nothing had come out. And I watched as the numbers on the clock ticked by, and by 3:30, the realization that we had done nothing slowly sunk in.
I could almost understand if we had done a minor move. But nothing?? I totally wasn't expecting that.
Yes, to be honest there wasn't a lot of movement from any team. Unlike the past couple of years where there has been on average 15 plus trades, this years measly 9 just seemed to state that no one was really doing anything. The Caps weren't alone.
Still, I felt like something was going to go on, I lived through my husbands words as he spoke and told me that we would. And I had fully expected and looked forward to the changes. And when nothing came of it, there was just this deep sinking feeling.
Where do we go from here? Are we admitting defeat?
It was the same questions I have been asking myself for some time now. Sad as this may be.
I am sure George had his reasons, maybe nothing truly was out there. Maybe the deals just weren't what he wanted. They wanted someone we weren't willing to give up, the price was to much or they weren't interested in what we had to offer.
Would it have been better to trade just for the sake of trading? And then it not working out in the end and having people pissed off at you for that? I mean there is such a thing as a bad trade...
Maybe he knows something more about Backstrom than he wants to lead on. There really is no explanation, and the only one that knows anything is George himself. We can speculate all we want. But for whatever reason he had a reason for sticking with the team, and the guys that he has.
Only time will tell, if his reasons were enough.
Monday, February 27, 2012
I was however lucky enough that one of his coworkers offered up their seats, and so my mom and I were able to make the way down to the rink, just in time for the game. And Logan couldn't have been more excited if we had told him it was Christmas morning all over again. Though I have to admit, I think what he was more excited about was being able to wear the awesome headgear my mom picked up for him at a local Home Depot. Because while he loves hockey, he didn't want to go dead-his wording.
For a three year old, he actually did really well. Holding out and making it through all three periods, and two intermissions. He was a tad bit cranky and in need of a good nights sleep as we approached the last few minutes of the game, but considering everything, overall he did really well.
And being his mom I sat next to him and was more interested in his reaction to everything, to his excitement of the goal, to the songs they played and I realized it didn't matter who would win, just as long as little man was having an amazing time. I watched as his face lit up every time Ovi hit the ice. And as he gave high fives to Lolly, and me and a couple of people around us....
I watched as he was in 7th heaven.
I know there will be many more games to come. Many more moments of hockey together. But on this night, the first hockey game. Well this was something to remember.
And for the record. We won.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Happy Friday to one and all! While this was technically a short week, it was rather long. Getting back into the swing of things is a lot more draining than I thought it would be. Then again this is the third time I have done so. But I know this is not why you have come. So bring on the Friday Five! This weeks theme: Anniversaries.
1. What significant anniversaries will you be celebrating this year?
Its not a big one, but my husband and I will be celebrating six years of marriage come may. My parents however will be celebrating 40 years in October. Quite an accomplishment these days when most don't last nearly as long. They don't have anything big planned as of yet, but its still relatively early so who knows.
2. In your life, what is today the one month anniversary of?
Which means, what happened on January 24th then? Well back in 1989, January 24th was the day that Ted Bundy was electrocuted for the murder of a 12 year old girl. Had to do some research but there you have it. So that would make this the one month anniversary of that, if it was in my lifetime. More recent, a year ago the there was the bombing that took place at the Russian Airport, killing dozens and injuring hundreds more.
3. What is today the one week anniversary of?
Umm lets see here? Nothing fancy happened last week that I can remember, but I am celebrating the return of work, does this count?
4. Sometimes the traditional wedding anniversary gifts seem a bit staid. If you had your way, what would be the right gift themes for the five years’ worth of wedding anniversaries?
the first-A picture or two from the wedding. A good reminder of the year that was. And what you were doing a year ago at that moment. Even better, a picture or two that they don't have, or never got.
the second-No longer the newlyweds, a nice piece of jewelry would be wonderful. Yes I said it.
the third-Some kind of class together perhaps. To prove there is still things to learn together, and to learn about one another.
the fourth-Now that you have been married for a couple of years, a day to ones self. Pamper the other, let them have a day to do what they want. For women it may mean getting nails and shopping, for guys it may be shooting hoops or pool. But prove that you don't need to be around each other all the time.
the fifth- a weekend away. By this point, a lot of couples have had at least one kid by now, and don't get away as often. They are also beginning the no longer newly married phase, yet not the old couple. And from what I have found, its not an easy year to deal with....so it would totally be worth it.
5. Among your friends, who’s been married the longest?
My husband's oldest elementary school friend and her husband will be celebrating 8 years come October. As we speak, she is in labor with her second daughter.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Losing seems to be an easy thing for us these days.Once again I sat in front of the tv, trying not to look at it. The score just seemed to break something in me.
Hope. I wondered if I was the only that felt this way.
Sad, considering we were supposedly the team to beat this year. The team that would raise the cup in the air in June and cheer. And for a whole year we would be known as the Stanley Cup Champions.
Fat chance of that happening this year. Now, all we will be known as, is the team that could have been. The team that is soo close to winning, that has the talent and yet seems so far away. The drive just doesn't seem to be there.
Its really a shame.
Yes, I know. We have lost some key players this year thanks in part to injuries. Green, who finally returned this weekend, then Backstrom who is yet to return-and unlikely to if you ask me.-, Laich was just about to be a lose but somehow managed to pull through, we got lucky on that one. And now Ovi is out. With what still remains to be seen. And who knows how long, though if he is out for any extended period of time, I am pretty sure it guarantees us a long summer ahead.
Now three players being out, isn't a make it or break it sort of thing for most. In all reality, players get hurt, teams have to readjust and the hockey season goes on. After all look at Crosby, who has been pretty much out the entire season and the Pens seem to be doing ok. But we aren't just talking about three players. But three KEY players. Players that we rely on. And the blow to Backstrom has dif hurt us the most. Thats like taking Stahl, Fluery, Malkin and Crosby off the Pens and them going out and playing. If I recall, they were actually without a lot of their key players and were hurting quite a lot there for awhile themselves. They just got lucky, and got most of their players back. In time for it to not effect much of the season.
So without Backstrom, Green and Ovi, the Caps seem at a loss. In more ways than one. And it it truly heartbreaking.
Here I thought last years, 7 game losing streak was horrible. And lets not mention the whole playoff fiasco. Yep. I don't think anything compares to this. I don't think there is much that we can do at this point to make up for the loses, the pain and the defeat of the season. We can try. And if we are lucky, we may just be able to squeeze in at the bottom of the pack. But I am wondering.
Is it worth it anymore?
Or would it be, as previously mentioned in past posts. Better to throw in the towel, call it a season. And get our players back in good standing, and ready to go next season.
Because at this moment, we can't exactly afford to lose anyone else.
And the playoffs, tend to do just that.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
And then it did, get worse. About 5 goals worse. I should have been pissed, instead I sat speechless, the only words that I honestly was thinking were not PG friendly. And since my parents and my son were both in the room, I couldn't exactly go off on the deep end like I wanted. So instead I just sat there speechless. I wondered when I became so numb to the season. As if I didn't care anymore whether we even made it past April 7th. Or even if we won another game until then. At that very moment, I truly honestly could have cared less.
Now in regards to the Caps, I am usually a pretty optimistic person. Or at least I try to be. I sit in my cube as coworker by coworker come asking me questions regarding this game, and that game. This player and that player. I smile as they try to pry as much information as they can, assuming that since my husband works for the team, I too know that much more regarding the information on the team. And I try to answer them, to spin a happy tune to every thing, to tell them there is still plenty of games to win, plenty of points to gain. The playoffs are still in sight, we will pull it together, just you wait.
But despite what I tell everyone, deep down I think to myself, is it already time to start summer? To think about next season, maybe next season will be better. It seems to be a common theme for all Capital fans, maybe next year. Maybe, maybe maybe....
And still I can't not throw in the towel for the season.
I'm close, but not quite there yet.
Friday, February 17, 2012
1. What’s your favorite green article of clothing?
Well does it have to be current? Back in high school I had this amazing green sweater that I probably could have lived in had I been able to. It brought the green out in my eyes. But currently? Probably my green Mason (my university) hoodie. Which I could probably live in just as much as that sweater back in the day. Since green just happens to be my favorite color this was hard.
2. What could you do with a little bit of extra spending green this weekend?
The I don't care about being responsible at the moment part of me says on a new Ipod touch, since I am wearing the shit out of my current one. And I can't seem to go anywhere without it, I could dif use some extra dough. However the responsible adult in me says, you see that hospital bill, yeah you need to pay that. Boo....
Unfortunately in this case, responsibility would probably win out.
3. In what way are you conservative of natural resources?
The hubs and I are trying to watch gas, so we carpool whenever we can. Not only does it save some mula, but it is an extra hour plus that its just he and I. With lil man around the house, that's often an rarity anymore.
4. When did you last shoot some pool?
A friends birthday party about two years ago. I am a horrible pool player, so my husband beat me. But hey you can't be wonderful at everything I suppose.
Of whom are you envious lately?
As sad as this sounds, a friend and a cousin. Both of whom announced they were expecting. I know the husband and I would love another child. But at the moment, I need to recover from last years ordeals, so having another baby has been put on hold until further notice.
And there you have it. Have a fabulous three day weekend!
Questions brought to you by: Friday Five.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Will he love me for me? Will he accept me for what I am?
This may seem like an unusual fear, but believe me it was a legitimate fear. As a mother with a disability of her own I feared I wouldn't be able to really provide my kid(s) with the kind of same love that others could. I know there wouldn't be things I couldn't do with him physically-like show him how to cut meat. Or tie a shoe. Yes I could give them unconditional love, and read stories to them. But sometimes late at night I stared up at my ceiling and wondered if it would really be enough.
I feared that they would grow up hating me because they would see all the other mothers in all their normalcy and wonder why they weren't able to have a mother like little Johnny's. Or Sammy's. Will they get teased as they grow up because of this? Believe me kids are cruel. I know this first hand. I know what its like to have a staple gun to the face, to be pushed and shoved into things, down things. To be called names by classmates. They don't understand, they will tease, they will torture and they will laugh. And will my own kids be the subject of such bullying? Because of me? I hated that thought.
I never once thought that my kid(s) would be the one to bully. To act out on those that are less fortunate than they were. I didn't want to think they would be the kind to do such horrible acts on anyone. Maybe I didn't think this because deep down I feared this. Yes, that's exactly it. I would rather wish for them to be the kind of kid to stick up for anyone. To help those kids that remind me so much of myself.
Would he understand?
Explaining it to adults is hard enough. How does one explain it to a kid? Would he even get it? I knew I was years away from even really having to address this, and for the first few years it will be referred to as simply my bad hand, as it was referred to during the my years of babysitting. But I knew eventually it will have to be addressed. And when it does, will he actually understand? How do I explain? Or will there just be this unspoken agreement that he won't know.
Yes I worried about all of these things.
But something happened last night that I had never expected. Last night, I discovered that there was in fact a positive in being a mother with a disability. You see as I was walking him up the stairs last night I held out my left hand for him to grab on to when he stopped me.
'No, no no mommy.' He said shaking his head and looking up at me with those beautiful grey eyes. 'I want to hold your bad hand. Is that ok? I can hold on to it right? I like this one.' I stuck out my hand, which was stiff but still he grabbed onto it like it was soft and warm and as if it didn't bother him in the least. The moment seemed to freeze as he looked up at me and smiled. 'I don't mind holding this hand mommy, do you?' He held onto the hand the entire two flights of stairs and only let go when he hit the bedroom. I couldn't remember the last time anyone had given that hand so much attention.
As I walked down the stairs, I thought about all those fears and negative thoughts I had, had a couple of years ago and how the one thing I hadn't counted on was a positive. And here it is. My disability is normal to him, he is growing up as if its his every day life. I am raising him to be compassionate and understanding and loving. He is growing up knowing that beauty and ability and love comes in all forms.
I know there are other fears ahead, girls and dates. Getting hurt on the ice. And in the future I am sure they will have to be addressed. But being accepted for who I am, is no longer one of them
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
On this day, Valentines day 2012 I thought I would remind you of the three little words above.
I love you.
They somehow seem so easy, yet are the hardest words to say often. And when we do find the courage to say those three words, we often don't say it nearly as often as we should. For whatever reason we seem fitting. And while this is the day to share love, whether it is from husband to wife or mother to son. Or even from one friend to another. And the expectations are often set to rise above the occasion to go over the top. I shall remind one and all, that there are in fact 365 days a year (and a bonus this year) and I don't think those three words should be ignored every other time. Flowers are great, gifts are lovely. And this day will forever be linked to love. But this should not mean that one should not receive them only on this day.
Happy Valentines Day to one and all
Monday, February 13, 2012
It seems so long ago.
The vision was this. Piles of things that needed to be scanned three weeks ago would be waiting for me. Notes on crumpled pieces of paper would be written in unreadable handwriting. Notes that would mean nothing to me anymore. And coworkers wouldn't remember what they were regarding to. I visioned a couple of new faces and a couple missing. Because lets face it, its been two months pretty much since I stepped foot in the office. And two months, well in two months anything can happen. I was sure there would be some changes, some good and some bad.
I also visioned my stuff packed in a box waiting for me. For reasons, I don't know but I was pretty sure when I rounded that corner a box with my name in big red letters would be there.
And while I had these visions floating around my head I found I was actually really nervous. More nervous than when I returned the last two times previously. Still I came in, trying to tell myself it was like any other day. I would get things done. Reports. Yes this would be just another day. I would get work done.
But who was I kidding? I mean I hadn't been back to work in ages, the last time I got up before the sun rose was the actual day of the surgery-even that seemed more exciting than heading back to work-and besides the occasional blog post, working hadn't exactly been anything I had worked on lately.
I guess I had my hopes up when I assumed this would be just another work day. For in reality while I have done a few things here in there my day has mainly been filled with visits from managers and coworkers. Reciting of the events that took me out of commission a thousand times and making sure that I had read every single one of my 700 plus emails. Yes thats right, over 700 emails.
Most of which were nonsense and corporate junk that was outdated. Just getting rid of it took the majority of the morning.
And yet, I am exhausted. Far more than I have been in weeks. While I am trying to concentrate on something, it actuality, I am concentrating on nothing. Nor can I seem to wrap my brain around anything. The reports, the questions. Nothing. By now its all becoming a big blur of things.
I am told this will get easier, and I will fall back into the routine of everyday worklife.
But it just ain't happening. Well not today anyway.
Friday, February 10, 2012
1.When did you last have a bubble bath?
Its been awhile. Since before my surgery most dif. Haven't been able to take one due to the fear that it may cause my incesion to get infected, not to mention I am allergic to the soap so my actual bubble baths are few and far between. But I do love a good bath, nice long and relaxing one does a body good from time to time.
2.What are your thoughts on bubble-wrap?
They make for hours of endless entertainment. And a fabulous stress reliever at the drop of a hat.
3.In general, how large is your interpersonal-space bubble compared to other people’s?
Usually it depends on the individual. To my family, I am close but I need distance if I don't know you, or if I don't like you that much. This also includes coworkers. I dif. need my space when it comes to my office. Sorry don't take it personal. Its just one of those things.
4.What carbonated beverage have you most recently enjoyed?
I just finished a nice cold Dr. Pepper. Yep it is my most beloved beverage....
5.Who in your life can be described as having a bubbly personality?
Besides me? LOL. My son. Yes he is getting quite the little personality. And it is absolutely adorable.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
And to think, we only have one.
My mom took little man for the day, and with my husband at work I grabbed a trash bag, headed down the stairs and opened the toy bin. This would be easy. After all, I am the kind of person that goes through her drawers and boxes and actually gets rid of clothes every six months, and I have no qualm in doing so. I assumed this would be just as breezy as cleaning out my closet.
Except, there was the Mickey Mouse he teethed on. And the Buzz Lightyear that he carried around everyone. And the farm where he learned Old McDonald....
Suddenly, it wasn't so easy.
With every toy I picked up another flashback came. The entire Toy Story collection. They were his first best friends. I began having these images of the movie, and the Woody doll I held in my hand for a minute came to life. I swear. It was just like the movie.
No, getting rid of these toys wasn't so damn easy. Then again neither was half his baby clothes. So did I expect anything to be different? For a moment I debated just putting it off for another day. But then another day would come, and I would be doing the same thing I am now. And so I marched on. Only putting a few aside, the ones I couldn't part with. I threw nearly half the toys in the back, replaced them with all the Xmas and Birthday gifts and tied them in the bag. I tell myself we don't have to throw away the toys, just maybe put them aside. Because I mean you never know. Should we be blessed....
Somehow I manage to put three bag full of toys aside. Having no idea what to do from there. Give them away, save them just in case? In the end, I leave them sitting in the middle of the play/living room.
Telling myself, Andy can deal with it.
Because obviously, left up to me. We wouldn't be getting rid of any of them.
Friday, February 3, 2012
What event in the world has most shaped your worldview?
9/11 which is probably an obvious one. I think it totally made me open my eyes. Now I think twice about everything. I am going to be heading to Europe for the first time in a couple of weeks, and I am excited and yet nervous. Now, even the thought of flying the distance and over water is scary. I don't think I would have thought about any of this stuff. It also changed how I saw people, yes there are bad and horrible people but at the same time I saw the good that came out of everyone. Especially when it came to helping others. And how we can all come together when times get tough.
What personal event in your life is the most noteworthy to you?
Due to my minor disability, I was never supposed to walk, or talk. And yet somehow I have managed to do that and so much more. So I think just for the fact that I did both, and able to play the trumpet and manage my softball team and do everything as if I was totally normal. I see so many stories of people that lose their limbs and come back, and it always amazes me because I get that they have been through a lot but what about those of us who were born that way. For those of us that have had to learn how to do things on a daily basis from day one.
What is something you hope to see in the future?
I believe it is already in the works but something to help stroke victims. And if this includes finding a way to get some sort of mobility back that would be great. I admit I don't mind not being able to use my right side, or mainly my hand. But at times it would be so nice to at least know I have the chance to be able to use my hand, even with just a slight mobility. I really really want to do the monkey bars. And yes I realize I am 31 years old.
What song reminds you of the happiest day of your life?
Making Memories of Us by Keith Urban, its my wedding song. Every time I hear it I still want to dance to it, I think back on that day and remember the vows I took with him. And no matter how hard times may be, that song brings me back to it all.
What song reminds you of the saddest day of your life?
Whatever it Takes by Lifehouse. I came home just a year and a half into our marriage to the smell of smoke. My husband denied he had picked up smoking, and I believed him. But one March evening a friend of his gave him up and came out and admitted that he had been. We sat the next day, in that two bedroom apartment and talked. And talked and talked. I remember thinking this is stupid. And yet, he had promised he would give it up. And he had lied about it. It wasn't the fact that he had picked back up smoking, more so the fact he had lied. The next day the song hit the airs, and every time it plays I think of the whole day and the situation...it was the song that represented that day. Perfectly.
Have a fabulous Super Bowl Weekend.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Its hard to believe that little thing to the left is 3 today. Hard to believe that baby, who slept for so long those first few days is now the energetic ball of endless energy that I am currently staring at. I look at this picture and I think of that day, which in so many ways seems as though it was years ago, and yet just yesterday at the same time. How is this even possible? I look at this precious bundle of joy and think ahout all the things that were told to me those days in the hospital. Enjoy the moments, the years will fly by, he won't be little long; take each day and cherish it as if it was the most precious of gifts. At the time I am pretty sure I was already in 7th heaven to realize just how much they were right.