Return to work.

I had this vision of coming into the office this morning. It would be the first time I would be back inside the walls of work since prior to my surgery, December 23rd to be exact.

It seems so long ago.

The vision was this. Piles of things that needed to be scanned three weeks ago would be waiting for me. Notes on crumpled pieces of paper would be written in unreadable handwriting.  Notes that would mean nothing to me anymore. And coworkers wouldn't remember what they were regarding to. I visioned a couple of new faces and a couple missing. Because lets face it, its been two months pretty much since I stepped foot in the office. And two months, well in two months anything can happen. I was sure there would be some changes, some good and some bad.

I also visioned my stuff packed in a box waiting for me. For reasons, I don't know but I was pretty sure when I rounded that corner a box with my name in big red letters would be there.

 And while I had these visions floating around my head I found I was actually really nervous. More nervous than when I returned the last two times previously. Still I came in, trying to tell myself it was like any other day. I would get things done. Reports. Yes this would be just another day.  I would get work done.


But who was I kidding? I mean I hadn't been back to work in ages, the last time I got up before the sun rose was the actual day of the surgery-even that seemed more exciting than heading back to work-and besides the occasional blog post, working hadn't exactly been anything I had worked on lately.

I guess I had my hopes up when I assumed this would be just another work day. For in reality while I have done a few things here in there my day has mainly been filled with visits from managers and coworkers. Reciting of the events that took me out of commission a thousand times and making sure that I had read every single one of my 700 plus emails. Yes thats right, over 700 emails.

Most of which were nonsense and corporate junk that was outdated. Just getting rid of it took the majority of the morning.

And yet, I am exhausted. Far more than I have been in weeks. While I am trying to concentrate on something, it actuality, I am concentrating on nothing. Nor can I seem to wrap my brain around anything. The reports, the questions. Nothing. By now its all becoming a big blur of things.

I am told this will get easier, and I will fall back into the routine of everyday worklife.

But it just ain't happening. Well not today anyway.