Saturday, November 21, 2009

My thoughts are heavy tonight. They have been for some time.

And I don't have anything to answer them with which unfortunately is not good for me.

But there are a lot of things I am pondering.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Hockey is a frustrating sport. I have to say this. I am sitting here watching the Caps vs. Rangers. We are currently up by one. With a little over fifteen minutes to go, I don't like it very much. Of course I want a win. Gee another man down.

Fucking Avery. I don't like him very much. Then again, there are several players I don't like very much. I won't mention them at the moment, but a lot of them deal with the Penguins.

Fourteen minutes to go.

I want another goal or two to favor us.

And really I don't know why I am posting this entry.

I wish I had some other things to say....

Saturday, November 14, 2009

They often say, if you love someone, you would want what is best for them no matter what. Even if that means, not being with them, giving them away or letting them go. Unfortunately for most, we can not see what is best for ourselves let alone someone else. And we often do things we shouldn't.

Like staying with those that are hazardous for our health.

I have this friend, nice person, generally all around one of the good ones. And while they have tried, they haven't seemed to successful in their love life. They seem to always be, with the wrong person. The wrong time. Or whatever you may want to call it. And their relationships, have never seemed to be all that healthy.

Of course they have yet to figure it out.

Their latest, we had hoped would change things. It was going well, they were hitting it off. And while there had been no indication, it looked like they were leading down the path of marital bliss before to long.

And then things changed. And things got messy. And one thing led to another. And they would be off. And then they would be on. And then it would be well I don't know.

The latest apparently set them off for good. Or so they said.

And I doubted. While my husband said no it would be over It would be done.

I was still skeptical.

And tonight. We got word. That I was right. And he was wrong. And they are once again back on, and things are looking up in the world.

And yeah.

Lets just see how long this shall last.

Friday, November 13, 2009

I love my husband. I support my husband in whatever he does. Including his profession. But there are times, when I want him back. When its after ten thirty on a Friday night such as this, and I can't help but wish to be in bed with him instead of sitting in front of my computer wishing it to be.

Don't get me wrong. I know he loves his job, and I know this is what he wants to do. And I don't feel as though I am one of those women that need to be with their man twenty four seven in order to feel loved by him. But between my school schedule. And the NHL schedule, there are times when we don't see each other. For days. And when we do its for the hour in the morning, most of which is taken by us running around getting Logan ready, getting ourselves ready. Then before we know it, we are kissing each other on the cheeks and saying our goodbyes.

Until the next time. Sometimes, we don't exactly know when that will be.

This week, we have spent a total of 1 night together. One.

And I wonder why I worry we won;t survive.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Oh how things change.

I must admit I have been down ever since my email informing me I did not make the Disney Moms Panel. I know its been a couple of weeks, and I know I should just suck it up and get over it. But for some reason, it just was really hard. I wanted it, like I had wanted little else. I hadn't experienced that kind of wanting in such a long time.

So I have been down. But vow that I will try again next year. And that I will already start my campaign to make it into next years slot. I signed up for Twitter. I friended people crazier than I was. I follow people, and all. Just for the chance that maybe it may help me in the advantage of next year's panel decision.

And then today.

I was asked something I didn't think possible. From a highly visited and respected blog about Disney. Asking me if I would blog about my experiences with the Disney Dinning. And my allergies...I just about jumped. My heart once again beat a little faster.


Because maybe I didn't make it this year. But maybe this is a good thing. Maybe just as good. I will still connect my love of Disney and writing. Because maybe it will point me in the right direction.

And maybe, it will give me something to smile about.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

In just over a half hour, the DC Sniper will be executed via lethal injection. I sit here, in my own house thinking about him. As I have done for the past several days. Ive thought about what I think is right, and what I think is wrong when it comes to the death penalty. Ive thought about the days, the weeks that he spent in our area, putting fear into so many including myself. and how horrible of a man he was.

no i dont find any wrong in executing him. after all, my mom said it best. at least he was given the choice. he knew when he is going to die. his victims didn't. and he eventually did it to himself. i mean he had the choice of not to do it. and yet he did.

but i thought about him. sitting in a cell. knowing that in thirty one minutes from now he will ending his life. how he was given his last meal. and his last request. i wonder what goes through a mind when it occurs. i wonder what he is thinking. if he is feeling anything. i dont know. not at all. is it strange? i thought about this on sunday, when he had two days to sit and wait. i wonder what that does to the mind. i wonder what he is doing at the moment...

or if he is doing anything at all.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Before Logan, I was pretty much an above average student. I was at every class-minus the two allowed myself to skip= I did my work, took extra time in writing papers and when I got them back, they were always in the A-B range. But things change. Times have changed. I do not have the time I once did. I do not have the energy to focus entirely on writing papers and studying. Not that I do not to obtain these grades that I once had. And its not that I am not thrilled when they came around.

Last week, when I received the F on my financing I was no doubt heabroken beyond belief. In a way I cant say I wasnt and didnt expect it. Anything that is dealing with math freaks me out anyway. Still in the back of my mind, I wasn't happy about.

And when I got my exam back today in my communication class, I sat there as she handed them out. Looking at the percentage that she posted on the board. Including, two D's. And while I felt pretty good about it. In the back of my mind I was thinking, was this going to be the same sort of thing. Was I going to be one of the two people that received the D....I didn't want to look, but as she called my name up I made my way to the front grabbed my exam and looked down.

I was two points shy of a B.

But after last week's disaster in financing. I will gladly take the C+ and run.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

So I don't get tweeter. I know several people that tweeter. But to me, I just have never felt the need to let everyone know that I am about ready to use the bathroom. I don't feel the need to have everyone know my wherabouts. That being said, it seems that everyone is doing it these days. Last week after receiving my rejection letter from the Disney's Moms panel, I jumped on Facebook looking for others like myself, feeling the sting of the rejection. There of course, where several of us. And one thing that most had in common. They all had tweeter accounts.

Again I didn't get the fascination. But in the past week, I have been casually following several tweeters. And all of a sudden I have the inclining to actually try it out. For some odd, god knows why I want to at least see what the fuss is all about. I mean would it hurt? Couldn't I just stop if it wasn't for me?

I am sure I could.

Now the only question.

Would anyone follow?

Monday, November 2, 2009

I want it that way.

That's my song. My go to, I need a pick me up. Please lord let me get through this song.

It's the song I sing when I get nervous, the first time I ride a roller coaster. The song I sing when I am in pain. It was the song I sang through labor-on a side note-when they turned me away the first time at the hospital i came home and put on mtvhits videos...and the video playlist was 1990's..the video.

I want it that way.

So yes its my song.

I don't know what it is about the song exactly. The fact it has been my favorite boy band probably didn't hurt either. But whatever it is, no matter what it is I find myself singing it. Even after a decade of it's first appearance on the radio, it's the song I absolutely go to.

I mention this, because my financing professor posted our midterms this afternoon. Or at least the grades. I rushed home, not particularly interested in finding out my grade. But why not. I mean I would have to find out sooner or later.

So I got on.

And my heart hurt. There in front of me, staring me straight in the face, was a big fat F.

I broke down and cried. I mean I just don't get it. Obviously. I wished I did. I immediately jumped on and emailed my professor once more in hopes to do anything to improve my grade. Haven't heard back.

And while I cried, I knew I needed to go to the one thing, to turn to the one thing that may not make everything perfect, would not change my grade or bring the world peace.

But would at least make me smile. Would bring me to the happy place one more.

So I hopped in my car, hoked up my ipod to my stereo and blared what else?

I want it that way.

And for the moment, I was happy.

Sunday, November 1, 2009