Friday, October 30, 2009

As if things couldn't get any better.
Mr. Logan seems to be. Well sick.

Which honestly does not surprise me. A few weeks ago, he had two colds. Back to back. They canceled the appointment on me because they did not think it was that serious. So we went on with things. We got him a swine flu shot this past Saturday, one of the required two doses. And by Tuesday night, he wasn't keeping anything down. He wasn't taking a bottle or eating food. We stayed home on Wednesday to make sure he was ok. By the evening he seemed to be better.

But now he is running over 100* temperature. He is all coughy, and raspy. And should i continue. Thankfully, my mother in law watched him yesterday, and my mom has him today. Because while I have the hours. I need to hold on to them in case something else should come along.

So once again, we have called the doctor. Still waiting to hear back if they are going to be able to squeeze him in. Hoping they will. Because this makes pretty much the fourth week in a row where I have tried to get him to see someone. But since the swine flu on top of the regular flu has hit then it seems as though no one is getting anywhere. Or going anywhere until they are in dire need of something.

Of course, this being a 9 month old I would like to think that they may see him. Because he can't exactly tell me what hurts and what doesn't.

And I am being a worried mom who doesn't know what to do. And all I can do, since I am in SE DC, and he is in Centreville, is sit here and wait for word from my mom regarding anything. Not only am I a worried mom. But i am feeling very guilty. Because I have plans to go to the hockey game. And my mom has kindly decided to watch him and keep him overnight so that I can do so. And she is still telling me to go out and have a great time. And all the while I feel as though I should be home. It is my son. I mean shouldn't I? Its times like this, when I wish I could be that stay at home mom. Who I know don't have it as easy as we all think. But at least I could be with him. And take care of him. And all.

But sadly. It is not an option at the moment...
So I continue to just be a nervous mommy..

Ah...the life of a mom

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Walking into the office this morning, I promised myself I would not, absolutely would not sit in front of my computer, and hit refresh over and over. I would not, would not would not. And it worked. For awhile that is. I updated some staffing reports. I responded to some emails. I updated our phone listing...I did everything and then, only then after everything else was done. And I could stand it no more I quickly opened my browser and headed to my yahoo account. I entered my password....

and nothing.

I told myself it was ok. It was still nine in the morning after all. The last I heard, the last I got any word it was after lunch so I figured well, it would probably be about the same time frame. Of course that didn't matter. I was still checking, and hitting the refresh button for the better part of my day.

At lunch, there was still no word.

I jumped on Facebook, headed straight for the discussion board to find out if any of the fellow hopefuls had heard of their fates. None of them had. Everything was still ok. I was still in the running.

There was still a chance for a magical happening.

I tried to get to my work, doing everything I could to ignore the fact I hadn't gotten anything. I tried to make dinning reservations since today Disney opened back up their 180 day reservations. But of course, it was down.

And once I did everything I could do. I just sat there, staring at the screen waiting for something.

Anything.

And then just after two in the afternoon an email.

I knew before opening it, that it was a rejection email. The preview told me that much. Still I read it, with every word my heart sinking further and further down.

'Cus I'm not your princess. This ain't a fairytale.'

And just like that, within a minute. My Disney Mom's panel hopeful, was just that.

A hopeful no longer. I would have to wait another year to be one.

Admittedly it stung, a lot. I had been one of two hundred that had gotten a chance. I had tasted what it was to feel the joy. And now I found myself on the side of rejection. The side that two weeks before I barely understood. I was now one of them.

I left work, feeling defeated. I was not mad at the fact that I didn't make it, I knew it was going to be a tough one to do. More like disappointed. Was there something more I could have answered? Could I have done something better?

I did not have the answer.
I probably never will.

I packed it up, headed to metro and tried to tell myself it would be ok.

Eventually.

And as I made way to my door, my almost 9 month old son on my hip I really was. I mean there would be other years. My time would eventually come. It would.

Still I checked my email, more out of habit than anything.

and I get an email.

From the panel, saying they were recalling the previous email...

So now,

I am utterly confused.

Drum Roll Please...

Walking into the office this morning, I promised myself I would not, absolutely would not sit in front of my computer, and hit refresh over and over. I would not, would not would not. And it worked. For awhile that is. I updated some staffing reports. I responded to some emails. I updated our phone listing...I did everything and then, only then after everything else was done. And I could stand it no more I quickly opened my browser and headed to my yahoo account. I entered my password....

and nothing.

I told myself it was ok. It was still nine in the morning after all. The last I heard, the last I got any word it was after lunch so I figured well, it would probably be about the same time frame. Of course that didn't matter. I was still checking, and hitting the refresh button for the better part of my day.

At lunch, there was still no word.

I jumped on Facebook, headed straight for the discussion board to find out if any of the fellow hopefuls had heard of their fates. None of them had. Everything was still ok. I was still in the running.

There was still a chance for a magical happening.

I tried to get to my work, doing everything I could to ignore the fact I hadn't gotten anything. I tried to make dinning reservations since today Disney opened back up their 180 day reservations. But of course, it was down.

And once I did everything I could do. I just sat there, staring at the screen waiting for something.

Anything.

And then just after two in the afternoon an email.

I knew before opening it, that it was a rejection email. The preview told me that much. Still I read it, with every word my heart sinking further and further down.

'Cus I'm not your princess. This ain't a fairytale.'

And just like that, within a minute. My Disney Mom's panel hopeful, was just that.

A hopeful no longer. I would have to wait another year to be one.

Admittedly it stung, a lot. I had been one of two hundred that had gotten a chance. I had tasted what it was to feel the joy. And now I found myself on the side of rejection. The side that two weeks before I barely understood. I was now one of them.

I left work, feeling defeated. I was not mad at the fact that I didn't make it, I knew it was going to be a tough one to do. More like disappointed. Was there something more I could have answered? Could I have done something better?

I did not have the answer.
I probably never will.

I packed it up, headed to metro and tried to tell myself it would be ok.

Eventually.

And as I made way to my door, my almost 9 month old son on my hip I really was. I mean there would be other years. My time would eventually come. It would.

Or rather, it will.

Monday, October 26, 2009

This past weekend, Andy and I made it a point to take Logan to the pumpkin patch for the first time. After all Halloween is next weekend. And what is a kid's first Halloween without pumpkins? Luckily for us, we hit it on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, which made for some great photo shots....




Admitidly, he didn't really understand to much of it. But he was facinated by Andy none the less...

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Having technical difficulties with the pictures...

Please stand by....

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

37 years of wedded bliss.

My parents are celebrating 37 years of marital bliss today. 37 years. In todays standards, that is pretty damn near impossible. And now that I am in my own marriage I find I appreciate and respect that. I know it wasn't easy. Looking back I wonder how the in the world they managed to stick through all the years. The bad ones as well as the good ones. I am not so blind to know that yes in fact they did have some rough spots. And I know they could have easily backed out, they could have called it quits so many times. But they didn't whether it was out of the needs of the children, one being a special needs child or admiration of each other or love. We will never truly now. But they have stuck it out. And they are still happy it seems. And whether they want to admit it or not. I don't think either could live without one another at this point.

I look at Andy currently on the phone. And think what its going to be like in thirty four years from now. Are we going to like our parents and still be there for one another. I hate to think that we will become just another statistic.

And then it led me to think why so many couples are just that. A statistic. And here is my take on it. Take it as you like. But I truly think people aren't willing to try. People think its going to be easy. Its going to be fairytales and happily ever after every day. And while we would all like to believe it. While we would all love to like like it. The simple truth is this, it isn't. Not everything is going to go your way. There are going to be days when you hate each other. Days when your going to fight and be mad at one another and what not. But those days are there to make you appreciate the wonderful days a lot more. The days when it is wonderful. And it is great. And you are so in love its disgusting. And you can't live without one another. Trust me the good days far outnumber the bad days.

But you must take the good with the bad. Its just the way it is.

Bottom line. Marriage is hard. Marriage is work.

And most people now and days don't want to hear it. Nor do they really want to work at it. So they give up. They decide it is easier to call it quits. Pack it up and walk away rather than stay and fight. But those that are willing to fight. Those that are willing to see past this stuff. Those that are willing to work, and take both the good and the bad.

Those are the ones that will make it.

Like my parents. God Bless them.
Have decided not to be a statistic.

And I don't plan on it either.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

time is flying.

As a kid time stood still. The school year seemed to long but then again in a way summer seemed long. The holidays could never get here fast enough. Yes time was my friend. And I couldn't wait to grow up. Of course my mom always said that there would be a day, when time would move a lot faster. When summers would begin to blur, when a year wasn't measured by a school year, there would be in fact no time in between like there was back then. I of course didn't believe her. No way would it ever happen.

But of course the old saying is always right. And my mother did in fact know best.

I am sitting here, a week and a half away from November. Trying to figure out when it became the end of the year. Or close to it anyway. I remember summer as though it was yesterday. It felt like it was summer yesterday. My son, will be nine months in a week and a half. And how in the hell did that happen?

He was born yesterday. I could have sworn it.

And she was right, time only goes by faster as you get older. I don't know why it happens. Perhaps its more responsibility one obtains as they get older. Or maybe time just really is flying more than it used to.

But whatever it is. She was right.

As always.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Reading ones own creative writing is something I need to get used to. After all, I hope to eventually be dabbing into the novel world, and I can't very well expect to not make appearances or read my work to crowds.

And this evening, I had the greatest chance of practicing I have probably ever had. When an opportunity to discuss stereotypes and discrimination came about. It also happened to be my current event week. So I thought great, I mean I can share some of my experiences. I can break out my Damaged piece and read it, maybe not all of it but at least some of it.

Right?

I sat there all day work, with one side of the screen filled with the typical administrative daily duties and the other, held my dearly Damaged piece. I went over and over it. I edited until I was happy with were it was gong. Until it was just the right length to read to a class. I reread and reread. Granted I have had this piece, worked on this piece for so long that I should have it, and probably have most of it memorized.

And when I left work in the early afternoon. I was ready. I drove not thinking about it, mainly because if I did I knew I would start to get the shakes. Once on campus I took my time, hit up the student union and grabbed my usual caffeine jolt to get me through the three hour class. A Dr. Pepper, to make up for the lack of nutritional value and to calm my sudden nerves, I grabbed a banana. And before I knew it, there was no more time to delay. Class would be starting. My speech would have to start.

I sat through three other's presentations. Patiently I must say. I watched the clock, knowing with every second my time would be up.

And before I knew it, she was calling my name and I stood amongst my peers of fellow classmates. Thirty pairs of eyes on me.....It was now or never.

I made it through the current event section, an article on a deaf couch who coaches a deaf football squad in Maryland. And before I knew it, it was over and she was asking me to speak about my own experience.

And so I did. I had every intention of repeating my piece, my baby. But as I began. I couldn't. It was as if something was holding me back. I had gotten into a groove. A groove I didn't want to mess up. I looked down at the piece and at the clock and while I was repeating everything regarding my disability, my piece just sort of faded into the background. Suddenly it wasn't that important that I read every word. So in the end, I just sort of got the message out. There was no need to repeat the story.

Because at that moment.

Everyone of the students had fallen silent.
The words I had already said already making an impact on them.

And there wasn't a need to say more.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Rejection

Rejection.

No one likes it. No one wants to admit that they have been turned down, turned away or even possibly failed. I myself am not one for rejection.

Last night I hopped on Facebook to check the 2010 Mom's Panel and quickly came across a link for the non finalists. Curious I clicked and was taken to the thousands of hopefuls now feeling the sting of rejection. One by one I read as they each explained their feelings, most of them confused and frustrated that they were once again turned down. Many of them feeling as though they didn't know what to do, to make it next year.

And all seemed to be rather pissed. As if they felt they were more entitled, more deserving than any of those that had made it to be selected. Many of these same people said they didn't know what they had to do to get picked. That they would do just about anything because while some of us that had been picked may have been good, they were better. And they could pretty much tell you why they were in the response.

None of which seemed to be that much different. They were creative. They had a mother who was elderly who had been to the parks. They planned everything including their best friends, uncle's nieces sixteenth birthday party. And so on.

And then many of them just wanted to know what the criteria is. Wanted to know what they exactly were looking for? I began to wonder why? So that in future years that can narrow it down to the few selected key words they are looking for in order to get picked? What kind of advantage is that?

They all weaved this sad woe is me. The more I read the more I began to get this feeling as though I should be ashamed that I made it. That I should feel guilty for making it. My heart skipped. I am thrilled to make it. I want this. I won't deny it anymore than the next. It would be something I enjoy...So why should I feel guilty.

Why?

Because strangers thought they were so much better than me? Somehow that didn't seem right. No. I mean there has to be a reason they chose me out of the others. There has to be a reason that they didn't choose them. I don't know what that is, and maybe I never will find out. But for some reason there was.

And then I had another thought. And it is this, there were 20,000 applicants. All of which are hopefuls all of who want this more than anything. And all of whom are fighting for the same twelve slots that the rest of us are. And everyone deserves it just as much as the next. Disney can't pick everyone. Truth is, as much as they want to, they can't. And we aren't going to find out what they are looking for, or if there is anything else that we can do to help the chances.

For in the end.

The rejection emails will still have to come out to some.
Unfortunately.

Friday, October 16, 2009

So I understand with the flu season, with fears of everyone getting the Swine flu that the doctors are skeptical about seeing anyone that isn't showing. But for two weeks Logan has had this cough. The first time I called, they put me on hold for an hour. When I eventually got tired, I called back only to find out that it would be an hour and a half now. I gave up. Because he wasn't running a fever, besides Andy said he wasn't going to wait that long. And that we shouldn't. Besides he wasn't that bad.

But for two weeks?

So on Monday I finally called back, bypassing the advice line, but for the appointment line. I made an appointment for today. And darn, I would have to take off a Friday. What a shame.

This morning, we get up. Andy took the day off as well. And then we get this call. From Logan's pediatrician. Regarding his appointment. Seems she won't see him unless it is an emergency. A dire emergency.

She told me not to worry, that its just a cold from the sounds of it. To make sure he is getting his fluids. To make sure he poops, and eats and all that. The cough that hasn't gone away should be going away. Apparently babies get plenty of colds within the first year. Not to worry, this is apparently his second one. The first came and went through his systems and this is probably just a new one.

So no they don't want to see him. Because they are preparing for an epidemic. And they don't want to see him.

Unless its an emergency.

I get it. I understand people are sick. But as a first time mom, as a new mom. I don't understand. Everyone told me that with babies, they take them. Its ok to call and all. And they usually see them.

But it isnt happening.

And what happens if that little that that isn't so important. That isn't so dire.

In the end.

Turns out to be the start of something.

Then what?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

This is so not October. Sure the calender may say its October 15th, but it isn't.

Rather it is somewhere in the early part of December. At least one would think so judging by the weather outside. I woke up this morning, after a wonderful night of rest, tucked into my nice warm covers. With my husband at my side. Not even Logan was moving around yet. Honestly, I really had no desire to move from the security of that blanket. I wait as long as I can, until they go over the weather report for the third time. As if it was somehow going to change in the ten minutes in between. Gee, it doesn't. Surprised? I roll my eyes at the thought of the low digit numbers. I contemplate some fabricated event to get me to stay in another ten minutes. Until I remember, Logan's doctors appointment tomorrow, so going in is the only option. At least it is my Friday.

But no, I didn't want to leave the blankets. I wanted to stay there all day. Wrapped up like a butterfly. Nice safe and warm...

But still, I had to. So I get moving, I dress I brush my teeth. And before I know it, its six o'clock and I have to be out the door.

And that's when it hits me. The slap of cold along my face. The barely above forty degrees. Damn, what happened to October. What happened to the transition from summer to winter, or have we forgotten about it. This is not the weather the DC area gets this early. At least we aren't supposed to.

I did not move to Colorado. I did not choose to live in Colorado. If I wanted winter one day and summer the next, maybe I would have.

But I don't.

I climb into my little Mazda Protege, my teeth shivering and instantly turn on the heat. Sitting for a minute to let my numb fingers (October remember this) adjust to the steering wheel. They do. I put the car in reverse and start driving. I expect to hear Jingle Bells and We Wish you a Merry Christmas through the radio. I almost expect to see Christmas lights, and caroling going on.

Thankfully, non of this is going on.

By the time my car is nice and hot and I am unfrozen, is the time I pull into the metro stations parking lot. I once again must face this cold nasty weather I detest so much....

The cold slaps my face.
My fingers go numb once more.
Jingle Bells play somewhere in the back of my mind.

And I swear it isn't October anymore.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Disneys Mons panel

So a month ago I entered the contest to be a Moms panelist for Walt Disney World. I entered figuring nothing much of it would come of it. this afternoon, word got out that the first emails were going on regarding the next phase of things. I like every other hopeful checked my email. and by the time i left this afternoon for class I had nothing.

I didn't think of it again. i mean it was the first time I had applied I was just happy to hear that I applied and would be in consideration. On the same lines as the congratulations, they were also sending out we are sorry emails.

I get home this evening after a long day of work and class. And a friend of mine who also applied, said that she had gotten the official thanks but no thanks. So i checked once more. just to see one more time.

and....

Wooo wait a minute. what is this...an email

From moms panel.

I open it up. The first thing I see is a CONGRATULATIONS. no freaking way. I read on. So it turns out, I have made it to the next round of judging. Gots to go find me a nice head shot and all and cross my fingers that I make it through.

I mean seriously. I never thought I would make it to round 2. And yes I realize I am really excited...and there are still a few rounds to go.

But hey that was great news.

Along with the B on the paper in Comm....

It made my night.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I will not talk about tonight's loss againts the Rangers. I will not will not will not. Instead I will remind myself that it is the fourth game of the season. Still plenty of room to grow. Plenty of games to win, and lose.

But it still hurts like hell to lose.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Hockey obsession

Last night as I watched the Caps lose to the Flyers it occurred to me. I had become obsessed. There I was sitting on the edge of my couch, my husband on the other end of it. Memorized, the clock was winding down in overtime. The score was tied, and my nerves were on high. I didnt want to lose. I didn't want to hear it. And yet, as the puck flew past Theodore, sending the Flyers and their fans into a fast frenzy. And it was over. They had handed us our first lose. And I?

I was by myself. I mean I know, we are going to lose games. There isn't any way possible a team can single handedly win all games. I mean it is pretty damn near impossible to do so. But for some reason the first lose, was just devastating. Who cared that we played a game seen more in game 7 of the playoffs than the third game of the season. Who cared that for the entire game we were head to head with what is supposed to be one of the best defensive teams of the year.

In the end we still lost.

Perhaps it wasn't the fact that we lost, but rather it was who we lost to. The Flyers. The hated Flyers. The team, that is probably as much hated as the Pens. Ok, so maybe not. Pens will always be up there number 1. But the Flyers, are still up there. And losing to them was not going to be fun. It was as if the entire season rested on this game. It was as if my entire mood rested on the game.

Or perhaps it was more like

I didnt want to hear about any of the negative comments. I didnt want to hear that there it was, the reason that we won't be going to the cup finals. I didnt want to hear that Ovie can't produce, that the Caps can't produce. I didnt want to hear any of it.

When did I get like this? Seven years ago I barely knew anything about the game. I was riding the coat tails of my husband. I picked the guys he liked. Etc. And now?

Now as I sat there, I was trying to figure out who was more upset, my husband, the man who works for the Caps organization or me.

And thats when I knew, somewhere along the line. I had gone from just your average hockey wife, who loved the team.

To an obsessed fan

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

So from time to time I have mentioned having more than one blog. I can't help that I am a word junky. Anyway, blogger has been my recent acquire and there for has never been my main one.

No, the title belongs to a little website called Kiwibox, now Kiwi and I have had a relationship for going on damn a decade now. They have gone through a sisters runaway, my first love, an engagement. A marriage, a pregnancy a birth.

it has been there through it all, all documented and written out, with now over two thousand entries total.

But things are changing, and the reasons I have stuck with it may no longer be there. No longer do my cool little designs, that i loved seem to be there. It's looking an awful lot like blogger, livejournal all the other ones.

Perhaps its a silly thing, to be this upset over a site design. But I am a Gemini here. I like change. If nothing more than being able to change the layout on a daily basis..Different layouts for different moods sort or thing. It was nice. I liked it.

And i liked it a lot more than some other sites that I felt like were overexposure. I would have a hard time finding out exactly who I was. You have to do a little more digging with this site.

I used to justify my reasons for staying, I have several things written there. I have written every day, for the past years. Things I havent shared with people are on there. Erasing it would be like erasing my life in a lot more ways than I want to admit. But at the same time, I am no longer a teenager. The site geared to young adults and adolescents. Doesn't quite fit with my vibe anymore.

So its a sad thing to think, but i do believe my days with kiwi are coming to an end. But I no longer feel like with the new site that is sure to be coming, there is any specific reason to stay. There is no strong desire to stay like there once was.

The breakup is inevitable.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Saturday, October 3, 2009

So its that time of year again. The leaves are changing, the temperature is dropping. And here at the Mattice household, excitement is building. Tonight begins the first of forty one home games of the 2009-2010 hockey season. As it has been for the pat several fall's now, I will be making my way down to the Verizon center to catch the home opener. But this year brings something different. A certain sort of buzz around the area about the team.

Not only are we the winning team of the area, but there is a very good chance that this could be our year. The year that we go all the way and take Lord Stanley. I can't remember a year when there was more of a buzz around the caps than the skins. And yet that is exactly what it is this year.

Let's just hope that this year is just as good as they predict. And the Caps can live up to all their hype.

Bring on Hockey season people

Friday, October 2, 2009

yesterday i couldnt believe it was already october.

today marks the 90 days left in the year mark. which is more unreal here. the fact that its october or the fact in 90 days from now we will be writing 2010 on everything.

you be the judge.


or perhaps what is the scariest thing to think of is the fact that today is october the 2nd, meaning my little logan is now 8 months old.

i know i need to update some pictures. i should do that this very weekend. i have a bunch on the camera i just need to upload. we took some professional ones two weeks ago, but they never sent us the link to them, after calling four times. so i dont know what we are going to do. maybe go to picture people themselves and find out whats going on. not that we didnt buy some copies but the link to buy some extra ones would be nice.
but yeah. he is 8 months. and growing like a weed.

this past months accomplishments are as follows:

1. 'talking' a lot more. every now and then the word dad or ma ma comes out. we dont know if this accident or not.
2. scooting, not to be confused with crawling but he is so close to it.
3. he has two bottom teeth now. which andy has verified more times than not. hey he was the one to stick the finger in his mouth on purpose.
4. he is laughing, and just overall more observant than anything.
and lets not forget...
5. he has discovered he has a pee pee.
and he enjoys it.'






my mom thinks this is hilarious, always saying i dont remember my other grandsons playing with it. i on the other hand remind her i took a psychology class a couple of semesters ago and remember learning about baby stages. self discovery is totally part of it. and natural. so i am not worried one bit....

and hey i was just elated i remembered something.

speaking of classes. financing wasnt actually bad last night. it was learning how to balance a check book. considering i do it still and did it as a kid. i know how to do it. so yeah for me. i also managed to turn in my homework only to find out that it was for a competition grade so yeah...as is the assessment that i did.

which is a good thing because he handed back the quizzes...and yeah. i got a 53 on it. the good news is, its only out of 80 now, and since i was there the entire class he added another three points. so i got a 56 out of 80, bringing my score to a 70. which is a C in his book. added to it, i get to correct it and tell him why i missed the ones i did. for some bonus points.

believe me i will gladly take it.

at this point i will take anything i can get to help me on. it may not be the greatest grade i will ever receive. but damn it it will probably be the hardest earned!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

welcome to october!

man i cant believe we are already here. the beginning of another month, two months shy of it being the end of another year. really where does the time go anymore?

and it has dropped majorly temperature wise. i wrapped myself up in a coat and stood outside waiting for the train to get me i was just like ooo crap. what happened to summer. wasnt it just last week?

it reminding me i need to pull out my sweaters and forgo my t shirts for another six months. while i love sweaters and all the thought of it getting into the sort of cold nasty weather i dread. isnt such a lovely happy thought to me.

but i do love october. its probably one of my favorite months of the year. the colors, the smells. the holidays. everything. its just gorgeous. and ah...

not to mention it indicates my halfway through another sememster point. and really who wouldn't like that thought?

and today, brings another thing. the beginning of hockey season. which means i am officially a hockey widow. until june. i joke about this. its not that bad at times but at other times i just want to see my husband. though now i have logan and i will be able to spend all that time with him....

just me and my guy.

it being opening night, we are away. up in boston, ill have to see if andy can keep me posted on the score throughout class.

i would have skipped if i didn't have homework to turn in...that and if i wasn't so damn lost in the subject.

i really dont have a lot to talk about today.
can we tell.

i managed to finish my homework. i got an email from the professor who told me the answers where posted. so i checked. i didnt do to bad actually, a few i missed so i corrected and all. and am good to go. now watch, he won't even for it to be turned it. i mean we are adults after all, and its just so typical....

but i did it.
without any help.

thank you very much.

im tired. logan got us up again last night. and while andy went to change him, i went to make a bottle, when he came down i asked if he needed anything and he said, yes. more sleep. i volunteered to take logan at that point. he said no. its ok.

so i went back up. but i am sure he is going to bitch about it tonight how tired he is and blah blah blah. but you know i didnt have to offer at all. but thats just typical of him.

i am sure you think i dont love him. but believe me i do. i count myself lucky i have met such a man, who would be willing to do most anything to make me happy, including talking about leaving his job in order to find a better paying one. he know i would love to stay home with logan and all. he knows i would love to work closer to home. so he would if i asked him to even though i won't have this, if thats what it came to he would.

so yes i am really fortunate.

now if only i could be as fortunate and win the lottery.

it may not solve all problems, but it would at least help..

Sociable