We had dinner at my parents house. it was the first time i got to see my grandmother since she had been in the hospital. I hadn't prepared myself for what i saw. sure i knew they were coming over. i know she has had her rough moments but i know she has had her good moments. or at least i thought she did.
but what i saw tonight. was nothing short of an ending.
she had trouble coming up the stairs. expected even i have trouble coming up those steps. out winded she plopped herself on the couch and began to rock until she lay with her stomach touching her knees, hands on her head just sitting there.
i didnt know what to say. i didnt know what to do.so i sat there on the step, andy by my side remaining silent, looking on as we tried to pretend everything was normal.
when we know things arent
i was quickly reminded of the last few months that my grandfather tate was a live. how he looked. she didnt look that much different. she moaned and ached. they say she does this without realizing it mom of the time. when dinner was ready she barely ate anything before requesting to go back to the couch.
poppy z says she does this often.
the hard part is, we really can't do much of anything. we just sit and wait. while she seems to go through such moments of suffer.
she began looking around.
poppy said she is looking for her children. she needs to take care of them. its the dementia that is talking and not the grandmother i know so well.
they didn't stay long. enough to eat dinner, chat for a few and see us before they took off. poppy said they shouldn't have come, mom and dad said otherwise.
and after they left we sat in silence not knowing what to say.
because really what else is there to say.
we all know what is coming.
even if we don't want to admit it.
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