Moving on.

As if Sandy wasn't enough bad news, yesterday sealed the deal.  But I guess, in order to really understand the current story, I should start from the beginning. Back to September. When the whole story first started.

I applied to a job working for the local school system in Fairfax county. For the school board.  I had and have been interested in working for the system for awhile now, though a teacher I am not. Still I threw my name in the hat figuring I had at least a decent shot of even getting a phone call. Though in all honesty at that point I really wasn't expecting it. At all.

It came a month and a half later. They were interested in me, and wanted to interview me. I sat there for the next week, preparing myself, prepping for senerios and questions until I felt the most confident I had ever felt. In fact I knew I was going to kill it. This was my job, and it was mine to take. I just knew it.

And I left, feeling wonderful. If there was a recipe for the perfect interview, I am pretty sure it would have been it. I answered everything with confidence, I smiled. I shook their hands. I did everything right as far as I was concerned. And it must have worked, the next day they contacted me for more information, for references. And three days after I was told they were contacting them. And I was thinking this was it. It was mine. I mean you don't contact references for no reason right?  Now coworkers were starting to know I was looking. But this was ok, I mean surely if they called the references that meant only good things. I having worked in recruiting and staffing to know that when you call, its a pretty sure bet.

Then they called...and a second interview was set up. And I was feeling pretty good, though a little confused why the called the references before they finished interviewing. The second interview went well, I wouldn't say I knocked it out like I did the first. But it was still really well. I was told I would hear either way. And by everyone that worked for the county, the longer it took to hear back the more likely I would get the position.

I waited patiently, each day expecting that email. It never came. Good sign. Especially since the past time I had interviewed I received the thanks but  thanks email two days later. I listened as friends, my mother and even Anderson told me repeatidly I had the job. Despite my worry I didn't. I was getting nervous, the lack of news made me nervous. The longer they took, the more I doubted. The more I figured I didn't get the position. Even if I had heard it took forever I began to wonder how long was to long to hold out hope. A week? Two

Turns out three. It took three weeks.

And within seconds, a blink of an eye really, it was over. My hopes of landing that job I really really wanted dashed. Over.

It hurt like hell to read the email. I cried. I sat there feeling sorry for myself and disappointed and feeling every other sort of emotion that I can't find words for at the moment.

There was no real reason given, they said they were impressed with me but they went with someone that was a better match. Whatever that means.  Maybe they had that degree that I am still trying to get. Maybe they looked like they fit in with the group more than I did. Maybe I could sit here and go around all night speculating on things.

Truth is, I know I will truly never know why.

I know things could be worse, I have seen recent reports on Sandy. I know I have a job, and whether it is my ideal position or not, I know far to many people that would love to have one right now. Things could be worse. The right job will come, I just need to be patient. These are all the things I have heard since receiving the news twenty four hours ago.

But right now, that is little constellation.