Thursday, March 28, 2013

Down

I have been really hard on myself lately. Its a habit of mine that has dated well past a decade now. But especially lately.

I blame it on the month of March, which has always seemed to be one of the longest months of the year for me.  The holidays are long gone, the one holiday between that is gone. School is in the thick of it, and summer seems that much farther off. To make up for it I usually try and schedule a getaway but as most know, hockey came back and our March getaway is now in May.

Throw on top of that the up and down of my office, the layoffs and reorganization and the stress to come with all of it, and well March has been even longer.

Believe me I will not be sad to see the month go.

I will admit I truly thought I was on the list of layoffs. I let go of a huge breath I didn't even realize I was holding when I found out I wasn't. Still, its been extremely slow for the past couple of weeks. The effect of end of the fiscal year. And when it is slow, I tend to do a lot of thinking. Some if not most of them aren't the most pleasant. I begin to think about where I am going, and what am I doing. I begin to think about where I see myself, in five months, five years.

And this week as I have had a lot of thinking, I couldn't answer any of the questions.

Does this make me horrible? Because I don't know the answers? I know what I want but at the moment its not making me anything and I am almost afraid to ask for it. Does this make me a bad person because I don't exactly know what I want?  I am heading toward 33? Shouldn't I know by now?

Is it to late to figure anything out?

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