Thursday, February 7, 2013

Think, think, think.

I have been re-evaluating a lot of things lately. Seems to be a common theme during the month of February for me, as this makes the third February in a row I have done this. Then again the past two have been spent in the hospital or recovering from surgeries. Either that or its the fact that the holidays are officially over. The year is well under way, and its the middle of winter so what else can you really do to be honest? I am also not ashamed to admit, February pretty much sucks when it comes to my attitude towards a lot of thing.                                                                                                                                          
And what is it that I am re-evaluating?  Life, school, work. Relationships with friends, my relationship with my husband. Just about anything to be honest. And to be clear, its not all bad. Its more or less just evaluating things. In general.

This is what I get for not having any resolutions when the ball drops. I swear.

School is always an issue. It gets harder as I get older, as Logan gets older. I knew it wasn't going to be easy when I made it into the university. I was a wife back then, now I am a mother. I go through moments when I think I can't do it anymore. The pressure of it really gets to me. These moments usually come when we start talking about another kid-because I was supposed to be done by the time baby number 2 came-or when we start talking about this or that and everything else in between. I hate planning my life around school. Hate the thought that one day, well one day I will be finished. And then i think but I still have 7 classes to go...which seems like so much more and yet nothing at the same time. How is this possible.

Ah yes, babies. The question is thrown at me left and right. Especially since all of my friends are pregnant with either #1 or #2 or more even. And people assume we are done because heaven forbid we have a little bit of an age gap-never mind my sister is 6 years older than me, and Anderson's is 5 years.- and we talk about it. Back and forth we go. We love Logan, we are happy with him. But should we decide to have #2-which we always wanted-it would be under our terms, our rules and so this is my answer....

Does this effect my marriage? I do not know. I wouldn't call us the perfect couple. We are hitting the seven year mark, which is apparently the hardest according to a couple of my sources. We are no longer the newly married couple, and yet not the old couple. We are the in between couple. Young enough to know, not old enough to....I thought this was over in high school?? I guess not. But we are just there. Fallen into this comfortable state. Which is nice, but I think we tend to take each other for granted. And at times, I truly wonder if this is the right place to be. We should never take each other for granted. When was the last time we went out on a date? Saw a movie that wasn't a cartoon? I understand not everything can be roses all the time. I don't expect it to be. And there will be off years. I get this...

The same could be said for Work...though at the moment, this should probably not be mentioned. I will just leave it at that. Its there. I should be thankful I am employed. I am. But this does not mean I do not think about where I am going in concerns with this...

Thoughts. I imagine if you were to crack my head open you would find a bunch of jumbled words. A lot like the idea/project I am so busy working on..

I just wish I could figure them out as easily as I can write.

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