Decisions.

Ever wonder if your making the right decisions?  I know for the most part, no one really knows if what they decide to do really is the right one or not. But surely I am not the only one that finds themselves thinking about this.

Right before I came back on leave I applied to a couple of jobs. I knew I had a job to come back to, but the two hour plus commute was beginning to get to me. And the fact that they kept complaining about funding, and lack of it. Lets just say when I left prior to my surgery I really wasn't getting the 'We can't wait for you to come back' sort of vibes. And so I started looking. I found a couple at my University, and thought well hmm.  For the most part the jobs where nothing fancy, they were your administrative and office jobs. Which yeah OK, isn't the greatest. But hey I am doing the same thing down in DC, so why not. And its not like I wouldn't know what I would be doing if for some chance I was even considered for the job. I mean they pay for education, they pay for insurance. And the college is about a fifteen minute drive. Pretty nice right about now. I submitted my application and left it not thinking to much about any of it.

Until last week. When I got the call back that they wanted to interview me. I sat there stunned, as they said I was one of their top candidates and that they were pretty much willing to see me whenever. I tried to laugh this off saying they probably tell this to every candidate. Its a recruiters scheme I am sure. Still I set up a time, and looked forward to the oppurtunity.

I returned to my cube where I sat for 8 hours doing nothing. I admit its horrible to know. But lately there apparently hasn't been a whole lot of work at all. I sat in for receptionist as they went on lunch breaks and afternoon breaks. I did a few minor things here and there. But for the most part, they were five minute tasks and it was back to sitting and staring at the computer. My boss hadn't spoken a whole lot to me since my return made sure I had different charge numbers. I did. That was about the extent he has said to me.

I thought about the opportunity, the interview that was then a week away and thought, well if I was busy then it wouldn't be so bad.

But of course it never fails. As I came into work yesterday, there was actually work for me. Actual work. Not just staring at the computer all day, but true work. And I thought, this is what I want. This is why I was looking. And for a minute I thought, shit am I doing the right thing? Is this the right thing? I mean I have a job, the pay is decent. There really is no need for me to look is there? Especially now that they have work for me to do. Sure it was only a spur of the moment sort of thing, and before I know it I will be back to staring at the wall.

Am I doing the right thing by looking? By interviewing? Suddenly I didn't know. As I hear one by one the support staff is leaving for other things, and I am beginning to fill in the empty holes they left behind. Couldn't something be opening up?

But at this point do I even want it to?