Exhausted.

I had a mid-term last night. As I made my way through George Mason's campus I tried to concentrate on the study guide I held in my hands. Did I know what Stereotyping was?  What about a bias? But all I could think about was how exhausted I was. How I would have much rather been anywhere but in the middle of campus preparing for yet another mid-term.

I keep telling myself one of these days I won't be here. I will be done with school and never have to think about things like exams and teamwork projects ever again. Well at least in terms of school that is. And yet as I sat there cramming I wondered how much longer could I do this. Its no secret at times that I am so overwhelmed with things that I wonder if it wouldn't be easier to just say forget about it. Between being a mom, a wife, a full time employee and a part time student. Something has to give. Through in Andy's hockey schedule and it leaves little time to do much else. I know as a parent part of our job is to become jugglers. And for the most part I am not alone. But most parents aren't trying to finish up school as well.

Yes I realize this was my choice in a lot of ways. I choose to have a child before I finished. I chose to quit school a decade ago when I should have finished. I know this. But there are times I often wonder if the pay off is going to be that much better for me in the long run once I finish. I don't forsee someone coming out to me and saying well done now here is the big fat raise we promise you if you finished.  I don't see that happening in thses economic times what so ever. And while my goal all those years ago was to earn a degree I am finding it harder and harder to stay on track.

And I am almost miserable. I come home exhausted. I go to bed exhausted. Studying isn't like it used to be with trying to watch my son who is going through a I don't want to sleep stage and my husband who is pretty much never around now that hockey season has officially come.

I am told to stick with it, to finish to keep going. I don't want to look back once again and regret that I never finished.

And so I do...
But I wonder how much longer I can do it.