Five years ago everyone I knew was getting married. One by one we became Mr. and Mrs. happily. Then a little over two years, things moved from Mr. and Mrs to and baby.
I sat there, shifting from one Facebook profile to another cooing and ah-hing over the little ones pictures. Finding it hard to believe that we were in this stage of life. Wasn't high school yesterday? Weren't we all graduating, heading off to college and vowing to never lose contact with each other? And now here we all were, the same kids becoming parents ourselves.
At record numbers.
I remember having several conversations with my husband. We always knew we wanted two kids. And while everyone seemed to have an opinion on the matter we made the decision to have our kids a little further apart than most. And by further apart I mean 3 to 4 years. I will admit this is due in part to my physical disability. Without the use of my right hand, handling one would be difficult enough. But having two in diapers would be that much stressful. On them, on us. My husband actually agreed.
It is one of the few times we have actually agreed to anything so easily.
The second conversation was when to start trying. It scared the day lights out of us, the thought of having a kid. It always is. No matter how prepared you are. Financially mentally, it doesn't matter, are you ever really fully ready to add to the world's population?But we agree to start trying. Perhaps it was due to peer pressure, or the fact that my plan had always been to have a kid at 28. Why 28 I don't know but it was my goal anyway.
So we start. I can't remember much of the details of what we were feeling when we started. Nerves and questioning everything we did. But we were ok, I mean we would have time to think about it, not like it was going to happen over night anyway. After all, how often did it happen on the first try anyway? We heard from several other couples that it took them months if not a year to conceive. So why would we be any different? We were patient people.
Well the joke, was on us. It turned out we had that one couple that everyone hates. The couple that get pregnant without really trying to get pregnant. Ready or not we were going to be parents.
The moment I stepped out of the hospital that February day back in 2009 I was asked about my next kid. I was being wheeled out, holding my bundle of joy, delirious happy and yet sore. And all they could think about was when was I going to have another one. Seriously? I hadn't even been cleared to have sex again. At that moment I think I could have really cared less about having another kid. At that moment I think if you had asked me I would have told you hell no in fact.
Flash forward two and a half years, and that bundle of joy is now two and a half years old. I am no longer getting how is the baby anymore when I run into coworkers and friends. And whenever I do get on Facebook it seems as though someone else is popping up and announcing that they are expecting.
Again.
Causing me to realize I have entered that stage. The stage where those kids in high school are now having their second kids. This of course is to be expected. It's not like I didn't know this was going to happen. Just as much as I should have expected for the questions to start being directed my way.
When are we having another one? Well, your son is now two and a half. You don't want to much of a gap between ages.
I get those looks from coworkers, the ones were I suspect they are looking for a baby bump ready to pounce at the first sight of one. I try and answer the question lightheartedly, knowing that when it all come down, its ultimately my husband and my own decision.
As far as we are concerned our plan is still in tact. And will be until we are fully ready to add to the table of three.
Of course try as I might it seems as though my plan is not good enough. It doesn't matter that I had two emergency surgeries in the past three months. Or the fact that I am still in school. No, it doesn't. They want a baby.
I'm going to be honest here. The thought has been on my mind a lot lately. Blame it on the fact that the baby flu is pretty contagious right now. I look at my son and think where did my baby go? And then there is another thought, which was slowly creeping in but is becoming more annoying, I want another. No I am not about to jump ship on my plan. I need time to recoup from the surgeries. I don't think my body or I am really ready to go through it again. And while they may not, I am perfectly happy with an age gap. It is what I have always wanted for my children.
But damn if this flu doesn't have me somewhat reconsidering it.
No comments:
Post a Comment