Zilch

To say I have lost a lot due to the two major surgeries is an underestimation. I have pay, vacation and sick hours. I have lost money. But most of all, and most apparent is weight. Before for the surgeries I was comfortable at a size 2, already small I didn't think I needed to lose any weight to begin with.

But being in the hospital twice, a week each time. And little food has brought me down to a double zero, zero if I am lucky. Yes I said it. Zilch. Nothing. I now wear the size not even many fourteen year old's wear.

Great right? I know your thinking if only I could be that tiny, things would be a hell of a lot different. Well they are. Yes I can go shopping in junior departments, at times even kids. Yes I can get things cheaper and wear some really cute things.

But I am thirty. I am not twelve which means wearing things that are appropriate for twelve isn't exactly appropriate for thirty. While finding every day jeans, t-shirts is fine, even manageable. Though a little embarrassing when you are in a fitting room next to a woman and her daughter and your trying on a size smaller than her daughter.

But try to find anything work appropriate and you have a whole other issue.

Apparently most stores haven't seen a size 0 in quite awhile. And those that do, carry just about one at a time, once its sold. Yeah good luck with finding another. Sure I can go, order them online but then I get to pay shipping and handling, which means those 90 dollar work pants become that much more. While it may not seem that much to some and while we are in most ways financially comfortable I have never been one to drop money on expensive clothes.

This probably explains why for the past two weeks since I have returned to work I have worn clothes that are now falling off me. My favorite pair of work pants hang on me so much that I look like something right out of MC Hammer's 'You can't touch this' video. And while I could continue to do this, for in truth I could gain the weight I lost back. At the same time, there is no guarantee that I will, or when. Call me crazy but at times I want to wear clothes that once again look good on me, that make it appear as though I am no longer sick, and that I do have, while slender and stick thin, still a figure.

So while many may not agree, being a size 0 isn't exactly what its cracked up to be. At least not when you are in a work environment. In fact, its just a big of a pain as say someone who wears a plus size.