Well it could be worse.

Allow me a moment to bitch.

I am an American with a Disability. Cerebral Palsy to the right side. Thankfully for me, its only a very minor case and the majority of the damage is to my right hand. Every day I wake up to this, every day I get up knowing that somewhere along the day I will have to face a challenge. Whether it be from a stare I receive, or a water fountain only geared to right handed folks.

I do this on a daily basis. Nine times out of ten, I have no issue with my set back, because really I'd like to think I adapt pretty well to anything thrown at me.

Still I can't deny there are days that I wake up and think, this sucks. Just plan out, no words to describe it other than sucks. Really really sucks. Usually it comes when I am struggling to change my son's diaper with one hand. Or when he was younger and still was in the infant car seats and I couldn't work the handle with one hand. So I would be stuck at home until my husband got home. Groceries would wait, the formula would have to wait.

It was when I was in HS and couldn't try out for any sports because they told me I was to much of a liability. So I managed. Or sat on the sidelines and watched as my sister was cheerleader.

It was the dates I never got, the guys that wouldn't except me for being me. It was the teachers that never thought I could do much of anything.

It comes when I am trying to open a bag of something, or a door when my hand is filled and no one seems to offer so I struggle and have to work things under my chin. I really think I could use another hand then. Its standing in the pouring rain trying to work that damn umbrella.Or standing on the metro, with nothing to hold on to and having my hands filled with things and not being tall enough to hold on to the top so I struggle with this to. And those around me, who don't even realize I am disabled don't bother to help .

Or having trouble shaving my underarm because I can't use it so I have to ask for help..yeah that one sort of sucks.

But I will say struggling with my son ranks right up there with all the suckiness. Because I see all the other moms and dads, and think why can't I just do that. Why do I have to struggle with holding him, putting in a key to the door. I can't even open the damn door without a struggle sometimes.

It's moments like these that I admit I sit and wish for just a moment to be different. To know what its like to be able to use that right hand. To not have to worry about things like figuring out how to drive with one hand, or cut my own food. I would be satisfied with 24 hours with the ability to use both hands. 24 hours that's all I ask for.

Unfortunately, that's one wish, no matter how hard I may try, that will never be granted.

You think its easy? I beg to differ with you. And I raise a challenge to go home and try everything with the opposite hand. And only that hand. It doesn't have to be for 24 hours, even just for the night....

Believe me I have several why me moments. Sometimes I feel I am worthy of it. It is not often I get down, or pissed off or anything. But every now and then.

You better believe it.

And then there are moments like today. On metro. When I boarded and the guy beside me sways back and forth. He talks to himself. And all around him people are making fun of him. Even if they don't say it they are laughing. He speaks slowly and asks how many stops are there til Federal Center, its a question he asks out loud on a daily basis. Everyone ignores him like they do most days he rides. There are a few of us that know, that recognize and help, but its not many. He still wears velcro shoes.

No one bothers to give him a seat either.

But this doesn't seem to bother him. He smiles around and laughs. Like its sunny and 80 instead of damp and cool.

Suddenly, my disability, no matter how small seems that much more smaller. And I feel ridiculous for being upset as much as I am because it takes me a few seconds longer to change my sons diaper. Or that I struggle with a key in the door.

When it comes down to it all,
I could be a lot worse off than I am.