In the past week I have blogged about two things, being bullied and the start of my traditional Friday dance. What I haven't blogged about, what I have been avoiding for the past several days is. Disney. Specifically regarding the Moms Panel.
If you are anyone who has been following the MP's process, by now you know that notices went out last Tuesday to those that made it through to round 2. And like all that applied and considered themselves hopefuls I held on to my newly bought smart phone, staring at the email alert. Willing it to ring. As if staring at it would make it suddenly do so. I sat there at the dinner table, trying to concentrate on my son, my husband my in-laws. Thinking any minute now it was going to be me that was notified.
No email came.
I hit the refresh button three more times before finally calling it a night. And when I climbed into bed, I sat staring at the ceiling feeling three things. Numb, heartbroken and disappointed. There was no feeling of being angry that I didn't make it. Just a general overwhelming sense of sadness.
Of course I tried to hide this, from my husband, from my mother who called the next day hoping for good news. I said everything was fine, I would be fine and life was great. Next year would be different.
Next year will be my year.
Still that didn't stop me from going back, questioning my answers. Thinking that perhaps they weren't good enough. That I wasn't good enough.
Perhaps this seems a little extreme after all not making it to the Moms Panel isn't the end of the World. Life will go on, my child will still grow and I will still continue to visit my favorite place on Earth.
But to me, making it on the Moms Panel isn't just about a free trip, or even the pay I won't receive-it is after all a non paid position.-but its the chance to help someone find the happiness, the joy in Disney that I myself have found. Its the chance to make someone else's dreams come true for once. Its the thought that maybe, just maybe this is what I was born to do. Help. Plan. Know that I was apart of making those dreams possible.
It has been almost a week since I found out I wasn't one of the chosen ones. I can't say it doesn't hurt any less for I would be lying if I told you this. But I am trying to look on the bright side, because really that is all I can do at this point. The search will be on again in less than a year, September will be here before I know it. I have a gorgeous son, a husband who finally gets my nutty Disney sense and another year to perfect my Disney love, knowledge and passion for Disney.
So watch out Moms Panel search 2012, here I come.
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