From the puck to the world.

our past has a way of coming back and haunting us. relationships come back to haunt us. ones have had, ones we never had and ones that we wish we had. sitting there, at brandon's house this afternoon it dawned on me how much we had grown up. ten years i have known him. for ten years i had always wondered, was there something there. was there more that could have been.

it has been a forever question in my mind.

dont ask me what it is, for i am not even sure i can explain it myself. after all, its not like i havent met guys that are just as good as he is. and he isnt the only guy i have had the hots for.

believe me. there is just something about him that always drew me to him.

dont get me wrong. i am totally in love with my husband. he is my best friend. i love him with all of my heart. but with brandon, and i am willing to admit it all now, he was truly my first love. a love that actually never happened. for it never went anywhere other than the whole what if question.

lord for awhile there i think i was so damn hurt that he didnt actually ask me out. that he couldnt see i really liked him. that i wanted there to be more. and when it was, the timing was off. and then i finally gave up and met andy and that was that.

i hated him so much for awhile there that i couldnt even stand to think about any of it. that i wanted to just run from him. at times i thought it would have been best not to have anything to do with him. for surely if i just got a way from him it would be alright.

of course it never was completely alright.i wouldnt talk to him for awhile. i avoided hanging out with him. i did anything to keep my mind off of the whole thing. but everytime, i would, it wouldnt take me long to realize i was missing him. for whatever reason it was. and so i started looking at it, as i would rather have him as a friend than not at all.


so back to today, sitting around looking at our families. he with his. me with mine. and realizing that every thing is perfect the way it was. and how i wouldnt trade andy, logan or anything i have for what may have been.

things just have a way of working out as they are supposed to i suppose.