Wednesday, February 4, 2015

The Presentation Nerves.

I used to be a wonderful public speaker. But then again this was back in high school when my public speaking experience was to get up and act out a children's book in the space of a school's floor tiling during forensics competitions.

Believe it or not I was really really good at it. My most recognized and award winning recitation was of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Even to this day acting out books to little man is one of my favorite things to do.

So you would think getting up there and presenting anything in front of people would be a walk in the park for me.

It isn't.Then again this is not children's book reciting.

What this is determines if I graduate or  not. What this is leading up to is a fifteen minute presentation in front of the university's department heads and facility and whomever decides to show up to watch.  Secretly I am hoping for at least one person I know to be there, for the support more than anything.

It is not pages filled of smiling faces and easy words which I know I can do. And to an auidence that loves me no  matter  what. No this speech is not anything like it.

It terrifies me so.

Even as I prepare for a simple five minute speech for tonight, one in which is simply just a practice of what will be. A lead up to what will follow if you want to call it that. I am already panicking. I am already dreading it.  I can already feel my palms get sweaty, those eyes staring at me. And the teacher judging.

The thought alone makes want to run.

No this is not like the children's book reciting  for Forensics. The kind I was actually good at.

But I will have to learn to deal with it. To get by. Because I need to.Even if I fake it.

After all, the only alternative is to move.

To Australia.

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