Thursday, January 2, 2014
My unofficial, official New Year's Resolution.
So what will mine be this year? To lose weight? – I really don’t need to. Cut out caffeine? Tried this, and failed. Be with my family? I am forever trying to be with my family more often. Stop cussing. Sometimes all a girl needs is to be an adult from time to time. All of which are fine and normal, many make these as their own. They are in fact probably the most frequent of resolutions. But not for me. In fact I don't even like making New Year’s resolutions. We can make resolutions anytime of the year, despite what the calendar says. We can decide to change something, start fresh any time of the year really. I would however like to make some changes in my life, try to anyway. So I suppose while I do not like making them and I will not call it an official resolution I will however make an unofficial one.
What I want is to not care about people who do not care about me. This may seem rather harsh, and you are right it probably is. But here is the thing. I spend way too much time obsessing and worrying about people when in the long run, they wouldn't do the same for me.
Perhaps I realized this a couple months ago when we were hit up for a pair of hockey tickets from someone who we often don’t see, due to busy schedules and what not. And despite the fact we hadn’t been as close as we were; they wanted them anyway and asked out of the blue. When we in returned asked for something, it was sneered upon. It has not been the first time hockey tickets have been asked for, but the reality of the fact is harsh when you realize a lot of people want you only for what they can get out of you, specifically hockey tickets. Soon you back off, begin to wonder and you stop offering. Once you stop? Well the friendship often does as well.
And I am pretty sure we all have those people/friends who expect us to drop everything and to be there for them when they want or need you. But when the tables are turned, it is not reciprocated at all. I know I have from time to time gotten quite the lecture for being too busy for them, and perhaps at times I am. Yet they do the same I am to just understand and be OK with it. Believe it or not, I am. I get it life happens. But it happens to me as well
Or maybe it is that one coworker that says something and we base our entire feelings around. The one that you care way to much what they think of you. The one that you go out of your way to please, to help to be there when they need your assistance and yet, where are they when you need theirs? I cannot tell you how many times I have come home at night wondering why I even bother. Perhaps it is time to change this.
Yes I care way too much about people that will never and never probably give me two cents thought at night.
Realizing this was not an easy thing. But it needed to be realized and as 2013 ended it was more apparent that perhaps 2014 will find me cleaning out more than just my closet.