Thursday, March 21, 2013

Unknown

Please forgive me as this post I fear will be rather crappy.  My mind is a bunch of jumbled up thoughts that at times aren't making sense. But I feel like I need to get it out. And so this is the best I got.

And so here it goes....

It has been one very long week

It has  also been a very quiet office I have come into.

 On Monday word slowly began to flow through the grapevine that another round of layoffs would be coming. Some mentioned Wednesday, while others mentioned Friday. It would be the fourth round since right before the holidays. 

No one however wanted to mention the elephant in the room, and so we have gone on about our business as if we don't know. Though I admit, ignoring it wasn't something, isn't something I could easily ignore. Try as I might, I have felt like this incredibly huge cloud is over top of me. Every slight movement, or lack there of I feel is a sign. No one is talking to me, they pulled me off of this. The weirdest look must mean I am on the chopping block.

Right?

I have come into the office everyday fearing that this is the last week. I really didn't know, don't know how to cope. I felt I was in the wrong. On Tuesday word came that yes it was official, there would be layoffs-though nothing personal-on Friday, no one knew who and nothing more has been really said.

I have been counting down to the days. The thought that I could walk into work tomorrow and only hours later walk out without a job, is times hard to fathom. I fear it. And yet I have tried to make the best of it, and accept it. I realize that what we are going through it difficult at best. It is not something that any one wants to do, or what anyone wants to hear. But it has to be. And so I am trying to accept it.

And just as much, I know I am not alone. I know we are all walking around not saying anything to anyone because no one really knows what to say. What is there to say. So instead we all have gone around, gotten what we need to get done and worked as if nothing is going on. As if tomorrow is just another day.

Now here I am here on the eve. Not knowing exactly what to do or what to think. Except  that twenty four hours from now...

One way or another, it will all be said and done.

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