Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I think I can I think I can

Another semester, another year. It all starts again. I keep telling myself one more class closer. But sometimes I wonder how much longer I can continue. Its not easy. I know it isn't. I knew it wasn't going to be. But I thought I would be done by now.

I had planned on being done by now. But as I said at the beginning of last semester, life happens. I mean I also wasn't planning on having three emergency surgeries but I did. And so things were on hold. And things happened.

I wanted this so bad back in the day, and I still do. I want to be able to turn to Logan and tell him I did, and not to give up. And to show him, my husband and even myself that I can. But a part of me, knows things have changed. And what I used to want, doesn't seem so big anymore. 

And sometimes I wonder if it is worth it. If it will be worth it. Because at the moment, I am beginning to really wonder if it is. I know people will tell me things will open up once I get that degree. The doors will. But am I kidding myself? I have overheard my bosses when others get their degrees, and the promises of raises, and advancement and all, suddenly go out the door once the degree is in hand.

But I am so close, and I want to finish. I am to close not to. I am just worried that in the end it won't matter. After all is all my hard work really going to push me through, and get me that much closer to were I want to be?

Lord I hope....I just have to hang in there.

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