Thursday, December 20, 2012
But this year, it just seems different. Around the office their is a hush, an almost eerie quietness. Those of us who have kids try not to think about Friday, or speak much of it. For myself, it is still to painful to do so. Even blogging at the moment seems kind of wrong. At our annual Christmas dessert reception several people were not present saying they just did not feel up to it this year. I did not go for other reasons, but I understood where they were coming from.
I can only hope that with time things will slowly start getting back to normal, whatever normal may be. I know things won't ever be exactly the way they were. I know for years to come we will be marking the time the way we often do with 9/11...
And this saddens me.
Even taking an exam on Tuesday night was different. Our professor had a hard week alone on her own the previous week with both a grandmother passing away and her mother having a brain aneurism two days later. She had canceled the last class of the semester because of this. She came in to distribute the exam and broke down in the middle of it. Her final words were. 'I don't know just something, you don't mess with ones mom and you don't mess with kids.' Whether she was referring to Fridays events is unclear. Still she left the class flooding with tears...
Try to take an exam after that.
I have not watched much of the news still, though I wish they would leave the families alone. At times I think it is awfully selfish of the media to think they deserve to be in on every private moment of this town's life. These families are dealing with enough. The town is dealing with enough. I don't think they should have to deal with answering questions five minutes after they attend the funeral of their childs/sisters/ mothers. I would ask them to respect their privacy, let them grieve in peace. A daily reminder is not going to help the matter.
And as I sit here, my son is preparing for his first ever little show at the pre-school. It breaks my heart that I am not there to see. After all, if nothing more the shooting taught me how fleeting life can often be. But work has gotten in the way, and I have been pulled to do a thousand receptionist coverage. If I had any umf I too would have called in sick, faked an appointment or tried to gotten off early. But for other reasons that I will not disclose at the moment, I know I should be thankful I have a job, and am doing what I can for the moment to keep it. And so I sit behind a desk, and hope that my son is his little happy self at the moment singing at the top of his lungs to Jingle bells, batman smells....
And I hope he knows, I would be there if I could.