Thursday, December 20, 2012

Quietness.

Two days before the holiday break around the office is usually a festive time. Coworkers being merry, winning door prizes from the random party and people sliding out the door to attend their children's concert or to do last minute shopping. Even a few people actually trying to do work, of the last minute kind. Cramming in whatever they can before they too take off on their holiday.

But this year, it just seems different. Around the office their is a hush, an almost eerie quietness. Those of us who have kids try not to think about Friday, or speak much of it. For myself, it is still to painful to do so. Even blogging at the moment seems kind of wrong. At our annual Christmas dessert reception several people were not present saying they just did not feel up to it this year. I did not go for other reasons, but I understood where they were coming from.

I can only hope that with time things will slowly start getting back to normal, whatever normal may be. I know things won't ever be exactly the way they were. I know for years to come we will be marking the time the way we often do with 9/11...

And this saddens me.

Even taking an exam on Tuesday night was different. Our professor had a hard week alone on her own the previous week with both a grandmother passing away and her mother having a brain aneurism two days later. She had canceled the last class of the semester because of this. She came in to distribute the exam and broke down in the middle of it. Her final words were. 'I don't know just something, you don't mess with ones mom and you don't mess with kids.' Whether she was referring to Fridays events is unclear. Still she left the class flooding with tears...

Try to take an exam after that.

I have not watched much of the news still, though I wish they would leave the families alone. At times I think it is awfully selfish of the media to think they deserve to be in on every private moment of this town's life. These families are dealing with enough. The town is dealing with enough. I don't think they should have to deal with answering questions five minutes after they attend the funeral of their childs/sisters/ mothers. I would ask them to respect their privacy, let them grieve in peace. A daily reminder is not going to help the matter.

And as I sit here, my son is preparing for his first ever little show at the pre-school. It breaks my heart that I am not there to see. After all, if nothing more the shooting taught me how fleeting life can often be. But work has gotten in the way, and I have been pulled to do a thousand receptionist coverage. If I had any umf I too would have called in sick, faked an appointment or tried to gotten off early. But for other reasons that I will not disclose at the moment, I know I should be thankful I have a job, and am doing what I can for the moment to keep it. And so I sit behind a desk, and hope that my son is his little happy self at the moment singing at the top of his lungs to Jingle bells, batman smells....

And I hope he knows, I would be there if I could.

4 comments:

Jessica @ Living La Vida Holoka said...

Oh gosh. Your poor professor.

I completely agree about the media. First of all, they had their facts all mixed up in efforts to be the first to update on "breaking news." Now the parents and town in general have hardly had time or privacy to grieve. We are all mourning last Friday. I can't imagine how hard it's going to be for that community on Christmas. I wish the media would just give them a little time.

Aleisha said...

Jessica-

I felt so bad for our professor, who had to take two incompletes for her masters because of it, and she has four year old son and a full time job and its just I was like wow. I pray that her mother gets better

I am glad I am not alone, but I do think the media needs to be told enough is enough...

eslachtdermai said...

I'm sure that he knows you would rather be there, and hopefully they do another one that you can attend soon.
I totally agree with you about the media. These poor little kids who watched their friends and classmates being shot, the parents who had to lose their children far too young...let them grieve. The media isn't in bed with them cuddling them so that they can try to sleep without nightmares. They need to stop bringing up those awful images just so they can get a story. I think the most disgusting thing I heard last Friday was when they were interviewing the medical director for one of the hospitals there, and he was telling the media that he is just trying to help his patients heal and live, so he hasn't asked if the media could come in to interview people about it. One of the reporters actually asked "well haven't you thought of just going and asking them now?" Give me a break!
I wish there was an eerie quiet in the schools. Our school is filled with rumors of terrible things happening today, and I'm terrified to head in, but know that I have to and if needed, I would jump in front of my students to save them. They're checking students' bags and coats and purses when they come in the building at every door now to try to ensure that nothing happens...it's worse than TSA. Suburban school...not even like I'm in the inner city! And our administration has asked us to not watch anything on TV about the CT shootings because it keeps bringing back the mourning process over and over and over again. Scary times, scary times.

Aleisha said...

@Marie

I will dif be thinking of you this morning, and hope all goes well. That is so awful that they are doing that. I just wish they would stop...I feel horrible for saying it but I just think they need to let people grieve in their own terms, after all this town and these kids have been through enough.

May the day go as planned, and may your break be lovely.

Sociable