Introvert.

Hello, my name is Aleisha and I am an introvert. No I do not find this something to be ashamed of, or embarrassed about. Several years ago, in my younger days I may have, would have probably even apologized for this. But now, I have gotten a better understanding of it, and have simply taken it as part of who I am.

For most the word introvert means someone who is forever by themselves, quiet, and would rather be left alone. And while this may be true to a point, it is more than that. It means finding the motivation, the strength and all from inner factors, rather than exterior. And while yes I do enjoy quiet time, a good book with nothing but myself it does not mean I can't handle myself. It means that while I may not have ions of friends, the friendships that I do, tend to mean a lot more to me. It means I don't have to fill every moment with words. In fact sometimes I just enjoy sitting in silence.

That being said, my introvertedness does explain a lot. Like why I hate parties, and group gatherings. OK its not just that I hate them. Its just I feel so.....uncomfortable. Awkward. I get antsy and just don't enjoy them. Really I don't . Give me a conversation one on one, or with two and I am fine. But the more you add, the less I want to be there. This probably explains why I am sitting here typing rather than attending a going away party for a co-worker.

It explains why at times I give off the whole I don't care vibe, even though I do. More than you would know. Its just at times, that's the way I roll. I get this, even if you don't.

And it explains the reason, I have no desire to act, be on stage. Yet give me a pen and paper and I would be glad. Just as long as I am not fully out there, then that is even better. Strange? Perhaps. But the thought of getting on that stage is sort of frightening really.

It explains why, when I am around certain people, especially those that are extremely extroverted. I feel, drained. They drain me. They exhaust me. As if they are sucking every little ounce of energy I have right out of me. Seriously, I know quite a few people that will do this to me. And the time I spend with them is painful almost.
This does not mean I do not enjoy being around people. Because I do. And if you get to know me, and I am comfortable with you, then I am more than willing to open up and let you in. Sometimes you just may need to be a little patient with me.

I say this, because its getting to be that time of the year again. When the office decides to have pot luck after pot luck, and a holiday dessert reception. And while its great to be invited, I smile and politely decline. Or I show up, sit in the back and just stick to myself. And to some this may seem odd, and unfriendly. But this is not the case. I am trying my best, and have been trying to work on this for such events. At times it works, and at times it doesn't.

 I know I am not the only one. I know there are several out there like myself. And that is OK. Just as much as its OK that those that are the extreme extroverts find themselves in need to be the center of attention. For myself I think I shall let them have their fun, while I sit and observe the whole thing.

Because from where I sit, and in my eyes. Its more enjoyable.