Monday, August 6, 2012

The new normal

Perhaps I should get used to this. My new normal. Though what that is, is beyond me. Its knowing now, whenever I have pain in my stomach it means a trip to the hospital. Just to be sure. Because well you never know. It means random spasms and bloating for no apparent reasons. And it means that no doctor can really give me a full answer because they aren't even sure exactly what is going on.

This is my new normal.

It means things could be going well for a few months that I totally forget the fact I had three surgeries last year. So well that you would never even know this. And in the next instant, a minor stomach pains means something so much more. Leaves me questioning things.

This is my new normal.

I try not to think about how my life has changed in the year and a half. The weight I have lost, the appetite I have lost. I have tried to focus on things like my son, and my husband. And the good things in life that I have had. Because otherwise the fear that something would return and send me back into the hospital and on the surgery table

Sometimes its a lot easier said than done.

Especially when that pain comes so unexpected. And you know exactly what that means. You push yourself as much as you can to avoid the inevitable. But in the back of your mind you know its just a matter of time before you call the doctor and hear the words that you don't want to hear at all.

This is the sort of normal you have to get used to...

Like it or not.

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