Wednesday, July 11, 2012

There goes my life...

Yesterday afternoon my sister took off from her week stay at my parents to head back home. Along with packing her suitcase, her wedding dress and wedding shoes in the backseat she packed two additional things. My 8 year old nephew, and my son for a week and a half long visit. I don't yet know if she completely insane or just loves her nephews that much.

I assume come next Wednesday the verdict to be in.

Prior to Logan I listened to friends as they discussed weeks without their kids. These friends would countdown to Bible school, to summer camps. To grandparents house. I would sit there and listen to them discuss how they would send them off waving as they watch their car disappear, and the minute that their kids were out of sight they would turn to their husbands smile and sigh. For the next week they would do things they hadn't done in ages. See movies together, talk about adult issues. Have sex. I raised my eyes and they would give me this little shake of the head. 'You have no clue. Just you wait.' Still I didn't understand this.  I mean who wouldn't want to spend time with their kids? If I was a mom surely I wouldn't be so willing, so excited to drop my kid off on someones doorstep and leave.

Well three and a half years later I can successful say.

I get it.

Don't get me wrong. I love my son. I adore him. Even as I write this, I feel like a gigantic part of me is completely missing. But as I drove home with my husband sitting beside me I had to admit. It was kind of nice knowing I wouldn't have to drive the extra miles to my mothers house to pick him up-sorry mom. Really I do love you.-It was nice having that extra two hours of sleep this morning.

Yes, I said it. Two hours. I forgot what it was like. I hadn't seen that hour on a workday in bed since the early years of marriage. Even better, I got ready and was out the door within a half hour of getting out of that very bed.

I get it.

 The fact that I actually have time to clean. To reclaim the living room as just that.  To sit down, and watch a television show without the fear that a curse word will come flying out, and will soon be repeated by little ears. OK even the fact I can actually watch an entire episode fully is sort of nice.

Its amazing how much you forget what its like when you have a kid. To go out and have a date with your husband, on a Friday night without having to pay for a sitter, or hope your parents are willing to watch them. 

I am sure in a week, when I get my son returned to me I will wrap my arms around him and kiss him till he pulls away. I may even cry. My sister will look at me and ask me how I managed the week and a half away from him and I will smile and say it was hard, and that I deeply missed him. Both of which will be true.  A break is nice but its all I want. I picture her saying she doesn't know how I do it, that she couldn't do it herself. 

But she isn't a mother herself yet...and when she is?
She'll get it.

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