One step at a time

I told two bosses and one coworker yesterday. It was one of the hardest conversations I have had to do. Which considering the talks with the husband lately, says something.

But it had to be done. And so from behind closed doors I told each one what was going on. I just about cried. I mean what does one exactly say? Sorry but I have to go in for a third time? The two previously didn't work?? Yet what other option did I have but get it out there. There of course where questions, shouldn't I get a second opinion? I told them this pretty much was my twentieth opinion. I had only spoken to four surgeons this past weekend, not including the two I had seen. They all came to the same conclusion. How much time? When? Things I couldn't answer but know I needed to. I tried I really tried. I need them to be prepared.

And yet I smiled and tried to laugh about it. Because I figured if I didn't then I really would start crying. And that isn't exactly an option around the office. Not when the office if filled with a bunch of males, who for the most part don't get a lot of things.  I tried to be strong despite the fact that under it all I am scared and nervous and afraid. And all I really want is a hug and to be told that everything will be fine, and that my life will return to normal.

For the most part they all took it pretty good though. They understood, they said it was more important for me to take care of myself than anything at the moment, and that things will work themselves out. Reports will get done, and meetings will be attended by someone else. I was glad to hear this. They said we will take one thing at a time. I should take one thing at a time. And so instead of trying to worry about the trip in March, for now I should focus on getting through my finals at Mason, then the holidays. The surgery. Recovery. And then when all is said in done, March.

They said they would be willing to work with me....which eased my mind a little more if not for the long haul at least for the time being.

And so that is what I will do. I will focus on trying to get through the final week of the fall semester, and get things taken care of there. I will focus on trying to finish up my shopping and set aside my surgery.

At least for the moment.

I realize the next few weeks may not be your average blog posts, I plan on keeping everyone informed through my blog, and will hopefully blog while I am in the hospital. And until then please bare with me as the nexts few weeks may be difficult, and thought filled....