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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

tick tok..goes the clock.

If history should repeat itself, we are now just about a week from finding out whom has made it through to the next round of the Moms Panel.

A week.

I try not to dwell on this. I try not to concentrate or think to heavily on it. Believe me after last years disappointment in not making it to the second round, I have learned to. Nor have I even really given it much of a thought. At times it has worked. At times it hasn't.

And so I wait. Like so many of the others who are patiently, or not so rather to hear. Its a hard thing, this waiting. I feel as though thoughts have been put on hold. I walk around not thinking about it, and yet at the same time I think well if I make it then I can't go here. Which believe me is fine by me. But still. Its the whole what if scenario that I hate waiting for.

Do I expect to make it through? I don't know. At times I think, of course. And at times I think nope. Not this year. This is due to the fact that last year I swore I was going to make it in, after all I made it through the first year I tried out so why wouldn't I repeat. But how funny things happened, and I was shocked that I didn't get that congratulations email. I was bummed. Not as bummed as not making it through to the third round the first year but still I was bummed enough to not want to talk about it. To check and recheck my junk mail. Just in case.

I promised myself this year I would not think so much of it. I would not dig deep and dwell on everything. I would not think of it twenty four seven until I drove myself crazy. And should it happen then great, it would be exciting but still.

Which is why, I am sitting here stunned that in about a week I should now the fate of my application. And I am OK with it believe it or not either way. I have come to terms with things and for some reason looking at it with a whole new set of eye. Maybe it comes with time, since this is my third year of trying.  Maybe being so fresh and getting through the first year gave me that false sense of hope, and now I know and now I am prepared.

Though admitiddly I want it. I hope to get through. I want to do something I enjoy. I want to help people plan their trips. I already do it on a daily basis as it is....

Still until I get that email...

I will no think about it.

Easier said than done.

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