Just the two of us.

The hubs and I this past July.

Its October. One of my favorite months of the year, and yet one my most hated months as well.

You see, I love the colors that this month brings. The rich golds and the burgundys. I love knowing I can break out my sweaters and have yet to tire of wearing them. And as much as I love the heat, I admit the cool crisp mornings at this point are actually welcomed-don't worry I won't be saying this for to long-I love knowing the holidays are right around the corner. And of course I love the fact that hockey is indeed back...

And yet?

At the very same time this month means I lose my husband to the very sport I love so much. I am once again a widow after my two and a half annual marriage. This is the month that we go from husband and wife and son, to mommy and son and daddy from time to time. This is the month when my husbands mood seems to change over night. He is in full hockey mood now.  There are times during these few first weeks when he seems to put aside his family to fully concentrate on the Caps. I know this, I am prepared for this. He has been with the team now for almost six years. Six years I have learned how to handle his moods swings, his game day preparations.  I have learned to turn off football once the official start of the season comes. And while I love my husband, and I love the Caps and there is nothing more than I want for him than to be happy working for the team he loves.

Well...

There is apart of me that dreads this month at the same time. I may have had six years to prepare for this at the same time, no one can fully prepare for it.  Especially not for the first few weeks. I mean we just seemed to have started getting back in the swing of things, settled into the patterns that life brings. And yet as soon as things calm down, I have to  get myself in hockey season mode again myself. I have to prepare to be the single mom for more than nine months. I have to prepare for his late nights and early mornings. And now that Logan is getting older, I have to prepare myself for the temper tantrum that comes with being two.  I tell myself the first few weeks are the hardest. And truth be told, they are. Its getting back into the swing of things. Once November comes around, things always seem to be better.

With next weekend being the official start of the Caps season, Andy and I used the final Saturday beforehand to go on a date. It was nothing fancy. We had dinner, we spoke of a long weekend away, should he find the time between games, and gets the permission. There wasn't much talk of hockey, I know this will be the subject of dinners for many months to come, so I try to avoid it when I can. We then did one of favorite things from before Logan, we went and browsed Barnes and Noble, where we grabbed a hot chocolate and a coffee and enjoyed the smell of books...we toasted to another successful two and a half month marriage.

I know it sounds that I hate hockey, but you couldn't be farther from the truth. I love hockey. I adore the game. I can't wait to hit up the arena, to wear that red Laich jersey and sit among the fans who have become so familiar that we are family. I proudly boast about my team, and my entire outfit contains more hockey stuff than anything else. No I do not hate the game. I love the game.

There are times though, I wish I didn't lose my husband to it.