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Sunday, September 11, 2011

Ten years later. 9/11

Ten years ago today I was a fresh faced, wide eyed twenty-one year old. I worked a part time job, had a beat up Sundance that barely got me anywhere and was convinced I was going to marry Nick Carter. Yes ten years ago the only thing I had to worry about was paying for a new cell phone that my parents had convinced me to get after finally obtaining a driver's license.

Ten years ago I thought I had it made.

But in the blink of an eye, on that September morning ten years ago. Everything changed. I woke up that Tuesday morning, dreading going to work that afternoon. I wasn't feeling great. I needed medicine. It was just a cold but still I needed to nip it in the butt. I rose from my bed not caring to turn on the tv since at twenty-one I could have cared less really what was going on. It would be the same old same old anyway. I dressed, throwing something on,not caring if I wore it the day before or not. I grabbed my keys and started my car. Maybe I would go to the mall after, just to fart around before work. Maybe I would grab lunch even. I got all the way to Target when I realized things around me were closing. Strange. I looked at my clock, 8:50am  surely Target should be open. It wasn't that early. I tried to walk through the mall, but it was closed as well. I made my way back to the car, driving home. Not having a clue what was going on.

I decided to go home, I would pick up medicine later. I turned on my TV, and that is when I saw it, the World Trade Center was on fire, the North tower. They weren't sure what was going on though reports were coming in that it was a plane. A freaking plane! Then just like that I watched as a second plane rammed itself into the south tower. It was 9:03 am.

Something was going on.

I sat mesmorized by what I was watching, and yet heartbroken. Obviously something or someone had something against us. I suddenly felt small. Alone. Scared....

I watched as things took place, as people panicked, ran from burning buildings. I watched someone jump from the towers. Freaking Jumped!!! This wasn't supposed to be happening, these people went to work not thinking that this would be their last moments. Things like this just didn't happen here.

And then just like that a third plane hit. At the Pentagon.Practically right around the corner from where I watched the attacks. I don't think I ever wanted my mom and dad more than ever.

I tried calling my dad, since my mom was driving the school bus. He didn't answer. I tried my sisters, neither of them answered. I tried anyone and nothing. Hello people. Answer your phones...

'A fourth plane has been brought down, this time in Shanksville PA. At the moment there does not appear to be any survivors. It's believed it was headed for the US Capital.'
'It appears as though America is under attack. '

Finally my aunt down in NC called, she had somehow managed to get through...I had never been more thankful to hear someone, anyones voice. I needed that connection, to someone I knew.

We all know what happened that day. Both towers fall, thousands of victims still inside. President Bush declares war on terrorism. We as citizens rise up and become one and promise to never forget. I went to work, which was horrible since no one came in, still they insisted we needed to remain open. My parents were both finally located coming home earlier than normal.


And  things would never be the same.

Ten years later, I am not so wide eyed, I don't have to worry about the reliance of my car. I work in DC, just streets down from the Capital building and my husband is no Nick Carter. I watch the news on a daily basis. Bin Ladin is dead. The war continues And my son doesn't know what its like to go through the security at the local airport without being screened.

He is 2.

I sat and watched as much as I could of the ten year anniversary of 9/11 this morning never realizing how emotional I would get. I didn't know anyone. I can't tell you one person's name even. Still I cried. As though I had. As though I do.  It seems like yesterday that the attacks happened. And ions ago at the same time. I couldn't watch the actual footage, the pain of the events so real, so fresh and still so vivid that it scares me to this day. I can't imagine what it was like to go through such an ordeal.  I am not so naive to know this couldn't happen again. There are times when I often feel as though we are sitting waiting for it to happen again.

The thought scares the shit out of me.

And yet I sat there, looking at my son, the hope that he will never have to worry about things like terrorism and crimes against America.

And whether we are truly safer than we were. I have to believe we are.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt remembrance of 9/11. I hope you're right and that we are safer than we were back then. I also hope your son's generation won't have a defining moment in his life where he remembers every detail like this.