Tonight, We've got it going on.

So here I go being all fifteen again. I really thought by the age of thirty one that I would have handled this whole crush thing a lot better than I do.

Apparently not. All you need to say is one name and I am a total goner.

Nick.

Now, I would have thought that I would have somehow moved on, gotten over him and forgotten it all together. Considering I am married, I am pretty sure my husband wished this as well.

But alas, it appears as though I have not. Nick Carter still does it for me. I still ran to the computer back in December and waited until the moment that clock struck ten in the morning exactly, before logging on and searching for the tickets to the NKOTBSB show in DC in June. At the time it seemed like an eternity away. I still kept hitting back until I found the tickets that would get me as close as humanly possible. After all, I needed to be able to see his pores, the blue of his eyes. I needed it. Just as much as I needed air. I didn't give up until I had no other option, and got three rows back from the seated section. No, maybe not as close as we dream of. But its a hell of a lot better than the nosebleeds. Besides, who wanted to stand all night anyway? And I still counted down until this very night when they nine guys hit the stage. As if I was fifteen and in high school again.

There is no doubt I am the only one doing so. Whether they want to admit it or not. I know I do not stand alone in my boy band pride. The show is sold out and has been for months now.

But unlike so many shows in the past, I don't have my partner in crime to be fifteen with. My co partner who got married last week and while she is waiting to go on her honeymoon until later this month, thought that it was to early still to leave her husband. Afraid I was going to end up going on my own I convinced another friend she would just have to go with me, even if its for the enjoyment of having loads of amo to hold over my head for the next several years to come. Well that or it was she was going to be dragged to Kenny Chesney tomorrow, and since country and her never seemed to fit she picked the lesser of the two evils so to say.

She will have to be my co-partner in crime.
Though I fear she will have to be warned. If she hasn't already.

There is dif a little bit of a different vibe than it used to. I am no longer that fifteen year old girl who dreams of marrying Nick, I won't be wearing tube tops with his name across my chest, and the jeans that I made for their concert a decade ago. Instead there will be beer bottles and alcohol. There will be middle aged women swooning over their love for the NKoTB, whom my older sister followed. Ten years ago, you wouldn't catch a man coming ten feet within the arena they were even playing, now their will be husbands and wives, and boyfriends and girlfriends. And there will be daughters with their moms who were barely alive when I want it that way was a huge hit. They will make me feel old. There is no doubt about that one.

And yet, there will be ladies like myself, who are in our late twenties and early thirties, who followed them back then, and still follow them to this day. I am sure there are still a few out there that hold out hope that they will still marry Nick. How can they not? Even myself still dream of it. Though I know how unrealistic that is. Still, we hope. We dream. We still remember their every dance move, we will dance in the aisles, and in our seats and anywhere else they will allow it.

And pretend that for one more night.
We are still fifteen.
And anything is possible.