When??

When I first announced I was expecting back in the summer of 08' everyone was ecstatic, I mean who wouldn't be? Not only that but it finally solved and answered the great question-when are you going to have children-and for nine long glorious months no one asked about it. Instead they focused on questions like names, and colors and if it was a boy or a girl.

And then we had him. And the moment I got out of the hospital, the question about a second child came into play. Being a new exhausted mom, I didn't care for the questions because hello, we were bringing home our son for the first time, shouldn't you give us at least a week to enjoy it before the questions arise again? One would think anyway.

My husband and I had talked extensively about kids before we even had our first. We had a plan probably even before we got married. And while it may not be to what every one else is doing, the plan seemed to fit us just fine. Unlike most, we want a little bit of an age gap between the kids. And for the most part, people at least in the family are well aware of our situation, my disability, his job. And they know what we are thinking, and agree with us. For the most part they have actually been relatively good in asking about the 'When' question.

Until this week, when I happen to mention something about another one in the future-meaning at least another year and a half more like two-little did I know this little statement would cause such a big controversy. When someone decided to inform me that it would be extremely hard with two kids and that my husband would have to quit his job of course. They didn't know what or how I would do it with two kids. Or how we could afford it. They then informed me maybe I should just have one kid, and that would be ok as well. In fact that may be the better option. They continues, adding up the math of my age and all.

I nodded my head because I didn't know what else to say, or think really. Because when it comes to matters of another child, it should not be up to anyone else but the couple. My husband and myself. And no one else. If we decide that our son is to be an only child than so be it, as of right now we would like another in a couple of years. But I fully understand things change, circumstances change and should we decide this, then so be it. But I will not, and do not enjoy being told that we should only have one because it is the better option.

And the determination that anyone over the age of thirty is to old to have a child is beyond annoying. With technology and woman living longer, it is not beyond anyone to see a woman pregnant in her thirties. And again, this too should be something that I should decide for myself. Not someone else. Father in law, friend or a stranger.

So next time you decide to ask someone when they are going to have another child, I strongly suggest you think before you say anything.