When you try your best, but you get nowhere.

I have a confession. I am a horrible test taker. I have been for years now. I would like to blame it on that famous teacher I had back in high school, but feel the roots stem probably deeper than that. So I will just simply say it again.

I am a horrible test taker.

I am also one of those kind of test takers you see from time to time and laugh at. Like a junkie needing a hit, my palms begin to sweat even at the mere mention of a test. I sit there for hours reading, and going over my notes, to the point of obsession. Knowing that no matter what, or how much I study, the results will more in likely never equal the amount of effort I put into it. In fact often, I wonder why I bother studying at all.

So last night was another wonderful mid-term. I had been studying for two days straight, so much so I began wondering if I perhaps over-studied-is there even such a thing?-still I felt confident as I entered that classroom. I knew what I was talking about. I was handed my exam and sat there looking it over.

In all honesty it didn't take that much time to do. No, I wasn't the first one done but it didn't take me nearly the three hours that was allotted for it either. I handed it in, thanked the professor and walked out feeling like for once my efforts were going to pay off. I was going to pass the exam there was no doubt about it.

Until this morning, when I checked my school account to find that she had posted the grades. Still feeling confident I hit the see grades button and watched as my scores came up. My results?

Well I didn't pass with flying colors thats for sure. In fact I barely passed it if you want the truth. I sat there staring at the screen in pure disbelief. How in the world could this be? I studied. I reviewed. I took my time....none of which seemed to have mattered in the long run.

Needless to say I was feeling disappointed in my grade, in the class. In knowing that I have a week to sit and dwell on the grade before I see the professor again. In myself for being so damn confident....

and for once again feeling that I was too stupid to do something.
As I closed the browser I tried to remind myself it was just a grade. It is just a midterm and this to shall pass. Still several grades to be handed out before the final grade is posted.

Still all this telling to my sole, didn't make that barely D any better.
And next time, can't get here fast enough.