Thursday, October 10, 2013

Re-Evaluating


I hit my breaking point on Tuesday. I am not proud of this, but I had had enough. While the rest of the world seemed to be swimming right along, I felt as though I was drowning, falling deeper and deeper into the invisible ocean I was in. And here I thought the end of September would see it go.
Apparently not.
I cried. A lot. In truth I don't think I have cried that much since I was pregnant, and we all know what an emotional roller coaster that is. Things needed to change. It had to. And then I got on Facebook that evening and saw a post from a woman I do not know in person, but have known in the virtual world for years now. A member of the Disney Moms Panel. She went on to post Fun's Carry On video and an inspirational post about how she never would have thought she was were she is now three years ago. Even though I had seen the video a thousand times, I found myself clicking on it. What was one more time going to hurt?
But that one time? Well that mixed with the post, well it hit something within. I do not know why it did, but it did. And so I decided from that moment on I needed to do the following.

1. Refocus
I had been focusing on five things all at one time. It was beginning to get to be a little to much. I realized I couldn't do it anymore. Somewhere along the line something was going to have to give. I was beginning to run on empty. And so maybe I needed to change course, and focus not on everything all at one time, but rather one thing at a time. Baby steps even. I sat down with Anderson that night and started talking, there has been some major talks since. It has felt good, instead of focusing on certain things, I decided to focus on things I could maybe handle. Planning another getaway, starting the holiday shopping. Focusing on a good hockey game. Could this focus change? Of course. Nothing is written in stone. But at least its progress.
And a start.

2. Do not dwell on things out of one's control
I tried so hard to get it together, to move on from things that I thought I needed to change. But I can't make things happen no matter how hard I try. Its kind of like looking for a new job, you can't make someone hire you. So maybe one shouldn't focus on getting a new position, if its meant to be, then so it shall. Its not an easy thing I must say. Because I was beginning to really get down about things I had no control over, including the weather. But I realized its absolutely absurd to do this. It wasn't going to help anyway. And just as I did with the whole refocusing thing, I knew I needed to handle and try to get through things that I could at least attempt to control. Like a surprise birthday event for my son. And other things that shall remain not mentioned at the moment.

3. Realize things happen in due time and for a reason
I had several things I was focusing on, job, school and family to name a few. I was trying to get them all resolved and answered at the same time. As mentioned it was driving me crazy. But I needed to realize that not everything can happen when we want, shit happens. Maybe I didn't graduate from college when I was supposed to? So what. The adviser I met with said there was no time line, I was doing it. Be proud of that. Maybe the position I wanted, went to someone else. The job to someone else. Maybe its not clear why at the moment, but something will come up. Something your meant to do. It wasn't for you. Things happen for a reason trust it.

And if none of these worked.
Well. there is always the music to remind us.

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone.
Carry on.
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground.
Carry on.

                   -FUN

1 comment:

Jackie said...

These are great life lessons here! Words to live by indeed! :)

I'm just thrilled that my Facebook post inspired you! <3

Sociable