Strike one.

Strike one arrived this afternoon when I received the thank you but no thank you email from Disneys Moms panel.

I've received the same email from them for the past three years.  And still, every year when the month of September rolls around I sit patiently at my computer, waiting for the magical hour when the chance once again arises. Hoping that perhaps this year, well this year will be my year.

Only to find that six short-or not so-weeks later myself among the many who have to wait a full year for just the chance to join the elite group of Disney fanatics. And each year, after I receive this email, I always find myself thinking well maybe next year, next year surely will be my year. But this leads to questions whether I will even try out again. Whether I even want to put myself through it all over again. My answer for a few fleeting moments anyway is always no, this is it. But who am I kidding, I know come next September I will be waiting...wishing and hoping.

In all honesty, I do not need to get into the moms panel to determine if I know my stuff or not. After all I have helped several friends plan their own magical Disney vacations. And if I never get in? Well that doesn't mean I am going to stop giving advice.

But damn wouldn't it be nice?? 

I do however have a confession this year. I am actually somewhat OK with this not making it in this year. A few things have come up lately that have made me think, well what would I have done anyway. Things happen for a reason, and perhaps this is a sign. I was even worried should I make it through to the next round, what would I have done then? . Believe me Anderson and I discussed it a few times, going over a few senerio's in our heads should I actually land myself in more than one situation. There was a part of me that had even hoped I wouldn't get in. Which is crazy because how long had I been wanting this opportunity

We never really came up with an answer on what I would do.
And now we don't truly have to.
A part of me is just a little relieved.

The other?

The other part of me is shaking my head, trying to swallow that little bit of disappointment that is bubbling at the back of my throat and wondering if I will ever be good enough.