Lucky #3

And so for the third time this year I will be making my rounds at the local hospital to undergo surgery number 3.

Joy.

Though this time, it it not anything I did-not that the other two were much of my fault either for that matter-but this one is a result of the first two.  This time instead of having emergency surgery to take care of my colon, they will now be going in to take care of a hernia caused by the two massive surgeries last winter.

The date, December 28th. Happy Holidays to me!

You would think after so much surgery one would be prepared for it. But I find myself not wanting to face reality. And for some reason this go around seems harder. Maybe because I know its going to happen. Earlier this year when it was not an option to not have it done, there was no time to think. I know if I hadn't had it done there would have been a good chance I would not have been here currently. No, no time to dwell or get scared or contemplate. I didn't have time to think about what I would do with my son, or with school. Or work, specifically regarding time off from work once more. Simply I was told I was going to have this done, and there wasn't much of an option.

But this go around I have a month to prepare for it. Yes I have know that this would happen but the date had never been set. And back in August when it was brought up, December seemed like ions away. And now here we are just about a month from things to begin. Pre-op appointments and then the holidays and surgeries. I have to figure out what I am going to do with work I have time to cover me and I don't at the same time. And would they be pissed off? I go in with a sinking feeling that the office, whether they say they are or not somehow I feel as though they are unhappy with the fact I need some time off.

Again.

And yet at the same time, amongst all this dread is this feeling that it just may be over shortly. No longer will I have to stare at my belly, which expands itself throughout the day and at night, think oh my god I look pregnant. Granted I don't mind looking pregnant, if I actually was. But for the moment I am not, and I would really appreciate not looking pregnant until the time comes again. And maybe eating will be a little easier. And the alien that I swear lives in my body can be put to rest.

So in that sense.

December 28th can't come fast enough.