Taking the leap.

Staring at my computer screen I looked over the job posting in front of me.

How long had it been since I had even applied for a new job? It feels like ions ago now.

Whether or not to take that leap isn't as easy as I thought it would be. There is no right answer here. No instructions to tell me what exactly I should do here. Its either I do, or I don't.

Its either try and get myself out of here as fast as possible, or wait it out, knowing that I could very well face the possibility of a lay off.

The job force is tough out there as it is, but that doesn't mean I won't find something. Then again if I do wait it out, and they have to lay me off I would probably be offered something.

Hmm...

I went over possible scenario in my head. On one hand I had just been told I should probably start looking five minutes before. And surely, if they tell me this than it means I should start looking. On the other hand, I had heard from another reliable source that they had somehow found a way to make it work and I would be fully covered.

Of course I had yet to be informed of this, which meant as far as I was concerned I needed to start looking.

The job posting stared at me. Taunting me to push the submit button. Why are my hands sweaty? I reread the qualifications, over and over again. Was I even qualified? Was I too qualified?

You know, I hate being a Gemini at times like this...

I remind myself, that by just applying doesn't mean I am going to be hired for the position. Or even get an interview for it. It means I applied. Just and only that. There was no guarantee here. In life there often isn't.

So what would it hurt if I threw my name into the pile? Nothing. It will cost me the two minutes it took to answer some questions and push submit. Nothing more.

And yet I felt this whole sense of betrayal, to my company, to my boss to my colleagues. Granted the boss knows, he informed me. So it wouldn't be a total surprise should he receive a phone call-though he did ask for me to advice him of everything I applied to.- Still with no real time frame of when anything-or if-was going to happen, it wasn't like I needed to actually rush out and start looking.

Right?

And what if I get a phone call back? Or an interview? Well if nothing more, it would be great practice. Whats that they remind me in those business classes I took? Interviews are a great reminder and refresher every now and then? Yes. Exactly.

Besides perhaps its time for me to move on.
Though I am so comfortable here. A little too comfortable really. Which is why I don't want to leave.

Ah hell, here goes nothing. Take a deep breath, count to ten and breathe. Just breathe.

I close my eyes and push submit. Before I could talk myself out of doing it.

No turning back now.