A bullied kids life-Part 3

I entered freshman year as most teenagers do.

Moody.

We had just moved to a different school zone, meaning I would not be attending the high school my older sister and all of the few friends I had made would be going to. Believe me at fourteen this was everything. Still I walked into Centreville High School the day after labor day, my combat boots and baby doll dress looking forward to the fresh start. A new school meant, a new opportunity to make friends, to fit in. To not be the girl that got picked on.In order to do so I joined theater, the speech team and because I really wanted a cool jacket, somehow managed to score a spot on the girl's softball team as the manager. And for awhile there I was generally happy with school. Maybe I wasn't popular or that skinny (I was after all a size 12) but at the same time, I had made friends and popularity wasn't all that. And I was known. For whatever you want to label me as I was known.

So one would think, great end of story. A happy one even.
But lets not get carried away. The point of the past few posts have been to bring awareness about bullying. I could sit here and tell you how bullying stopped at the students but I would be lying.

Besides my physical minor disability, I have also been blessed with a learning disability. Mainly in the areas of Math and Science. Therefore as part of the agreement to bring me into mainstream classes, I was to be in self-contained/and mainstreamed classrooms were a LD teacher would be able to assist me. I would also spend a period in resources, where the teacher would be the same as my math teacher. Giving me even more help in the subjects.

Freshman year the school had put me in with a Math teacher/resource teacher named Ms. A.(I will leave her official name out). From the beginning, I didn't mesh well with this woman. I often felt i was being talked down to. And her favorite word was stupid. I can't tell you how many times I sat there trying to figure out a problem, get it wrong as was told how stupid I was.

Yes, you heard. Stupid. It became so frequent that she would ask me, Aleisha do you know what you are?' She would make me say stupid until she was satisfied that she heard correctly. Yes she called me stupid. On a daily basis.

One afternoon as the bell rang, I overheard her and another teacher discuss learning disabled students to one another. It just so happened they were in the ajoining room, and the door was cracked open. I sat in horror as she went on to say

'LD students are dumb and stupid, I don't know why I even bother with them. Someone should just put them in a corner and forget them. They will never amount to anything in the end anyway. Forget about college, most of them won't even finish high school.'

And what I did next, would be the undoing of Aleisha. I decided to confront her. Because no, I was not that stupid, no I was going to amount to something and no she should not be talking about us like that. So I went to her. I should have known it was wrong when she opened the door to the door and in a loud voice verbally bashed me for everything. Telling me how stupid and dumb I was to even think she would care. That I was in the wrong, and that she was right, we weren't. She was yelling so loud that the kids across the way looked at me through their classrooms but like myself, could do nothing but let her give it to me. I left that day thinking I was exactly what she said I was.

Stupid.

After that, and for the next four years she would make my life a living hell. When I was getting a C in math or science she encouraged me to drop out of the after school activities to focus on math and science. She would pull me out of class just to yell at me, and call me stupid and dumb. If I didn't know the answer, she would pull me up in front of the class and announced it to the class that I was. Stupid.

Aleisha you can't do this because you are stupid. You can't do math because you are stupid. And you will amount to nothing in the end. May as well give up now.

When I finally confronted the principal after having enough of it, Ms. A informed the principal that she was only doing this for my well being. And that no harm was coming of this. The principal agreed. She actually freaking agreed!. As soon as the principal was out of ear shot, Ms. A's sent me to dentition after school because I turned her in. And when I went crying off to the theater teachers office-where I spent the rest of the afternoon on his couch in his office-she told me how much of a wimp I was.

Funny, I ended my freshman year with a 3.95 grade average. Apparently not so stupid after all.

My sophomore year was no better, Ms. A had personal made sure I was in her class. And so once again the torment continued. After going to the principal the year before and no results, I couldn't do much except take the abuse Ms. A spat out.

And with each passing day, I felt like crawling more and more to that hole somewhere far away. I must say, if not for softball and speech team. I know I would have turned out a lot differently than I did. And to this day, I credit them in getting me through the Ms. A years.

But when Ms A let the boys get in my face, a staple gun in hand I said no more. I suppose staring at a stapler as the staples shoot out will do that to one. Thankfully I had a different resource teacher and so one afternoon I ended up going to her. Finally someone began to listen. Ms. J began pulling me out of the math classes, testing me. And loo and behold, I actually knew what I was doing. Or with a little help and a different teaching style I did. Of course when Ms. A caught wind of this, it became a war between Ms. J. and Ms. A. Ms. A would pull me out even more of classes, would talk to my other teachers to ensure that she was in control of everything. Often they would send me to her.

But by late spring Ms. J convinced the LD department to remove me from Ms. A's guidance and classes. This of course only after I had complained, and refused to see her anymore. My tears, which I hate to admit I shed on a regular basis when it came to even the mention of Math, and Ms. A seemed to have finally been noticed.

Finally the LD department decided to step in to the matter.

Ms. A, would not get in trouble for her actions because apparently I was the only one who would come forward in the abuse. And while it was recommended that she was to have no contact with me what so ever, truth is, up until the day I graduated she still came to 'see' me.

So bullying, does not just contain students anymore. And its an unfortunate tale to tell, that the very adults who are supposed to be looking out for students, can sometimes be the very ones that encourage and act on it themselves. I am now just over ten years after graduating, but even still Ms. A has had a profound impact in my life. I wish I could say it was for the better but again I would be lying. For her words, continue to plague me to this day.

But I am working on it.