From the puck to the world.

i am a silly silly girl right now.
its the whole being emotional and pregnant thing.
that i blame it on..

you see last week, at the doctors appointment they had told me blueberry/logan (cus we pretty much think this is going to be his name) was sitting across my lap. they said not to worry that there still is time for him to move around. i believed him. i didnt worry. i am not worried at all.

anyway.

so burgandy was up for the holidays, and while i was over at my parents last week, she had her hand on my stomach and he was apparently kicking and going to town. and i felt.

nothing.

she asked me really. i said yes. i didnt even know he was doing anything over there. was he even over there at all? she said hell yes. that he was practically jumping out at her. and i felt.

jealous.

she was feeling something i couldn't on my own body. it was as if i was being robbed of something i never knew i had in the first place. a moment that should have been mine, was hers.

for it was all on my right side.-those that may not have been 'with' me for awhile, i have a minor case of cerebral palsy which has me paralyzed on my right side, mainly my hand.- if you look at the pictures of me you wouldn't never know unless i tell you.

so anyways. ive always wondered why at some points i could feel him and sometimes i couldn't. andy would tell me he was kicking and i wouldn't feel anything. i always thought my disability was mainly in my hand, and leg when i get exhausted. but apparently, i cant feel in certain areas and didn't know until recently. everything made a lot of sense then. no wonder why counting kicks has been rather difficult for me.

anyway on with it.

so i am sitting here at my desk this afternoon and suddenly he just starts going bazooka on me. he is moving and kicking and wait a minute, did i just feel that? it was the feeling of a kick. at least i think it was a kick. and maybe he is actually moving because i haven't felt that and oh my god it was pure joy.

i know i am sounding ridiculous. because how many others do you know that get so excited...but its like i had missed out on something during my pregnancy. almost 36 weeks pregnant and feeling things for the first time. it was as if i could finally say yes...he is there. and all.

i immediately wanted to cry. i wanted to run up to someone and tell them the wonderful miracle that was forming within me.

do i actually know if he has officially moved in to the correct position. no i don't. i am only speculating.

still....i want to cry because of it.