Sucker

Abc, what can I say. You have done it again. I swear I wasn't going to let you suck me into such overrated, predictable drama again. I vowed I would not watch, would not sit there week after week as one by one the girls would cry in front of the camera, exclaiming they are the one who is meant to be with the bachelor. They do these crazy antics, go way overboard and throw themselves at him and then sob as they are let go. I always find it amazing how many of them can't figure out why they weren't chosen at all.

I vow I won't get sucked in as I watch the couples go on the exotic dates. Feeling jealous as I watch because while I am married, there is a part of me that would love the opportunity for just half of what these ladies get to experience in the span of a few weeks.

And yet no matter how much I vowed, I find myself sitting here on the couch, with my husband nearly a foot away watching the very show I swore off just a few months ago. No, I can't explain it really. I know its not real, believe me I have noticed some Eire similarities between certain seasons, contestants and even episodes. And yet somehow your amazing ability to suck the viewer in has once again worked on this sole.

Somewhere across my forehead the word SUCKER is written all over it.

Clean house.

I have another confession.

I can't seem to keep my house clean.

Now you may see nothing wrong with this, in fact you may find yourself saying so what? Its a house, a home. Surely it does not need to be immaculate. And while this may be true, I find it irritating me that I can't what so ever even keep it picked up.

I try. Believe me I do. Just this afternoon as my son was sleeping I walked around picking up things he had pulled out, because at just about two, the whole picking up concept still leaves a lot to be desired. I did the laundry, or started it anyway. I did the dishes. And I even managed to start putting away the holiday decorations. And yet. As my son got up from his three hour nap, I turned, to find the toys I had just picked up, pulled back out, leaving a trail once more in the wake. The trail is still there even if my son has been in bed for several hours now.

I would like to say this is an isolated case. But sadly it isn't. In fact its the norm. And honestly I don't know how any one with kids does it. I have seen several friends, and relatives all with kids whose home in no way looks like mine. They are neatly cleaned, laundry kept up, dishes no where near the pile that I obtain. I sit there and marvel at the fact that they can do it all, all the while feeling like I am somehow a failure for the lack of my cleaning skills.

And I wonder how they do it. After a full day of work, a combination of four hours commute, I just have the umf to clean. And when it comes to the weekends I don't want to spend the entire day with my head cleaning anything. No I would much rather spend my time with family, with the husband that I don't see often enough or catching up on my lack of sleep...

In no way do I want to clean.
Maybe its just me, judging by the houses I have visited it, it probably is.

Because the question remains, how does anyone do it.

The Great 8 debate

I have come to the realization that some people just aren't happy with Ovi. Whether its scoring a bazillion goals, or rather as of late not scoring. Either way they just can't be happy.

Last year, I sat and listened as one by one the men around my office came up to bitch about the great 8's roughness, his skating abilities which to them seemed to harsh. They said while he could score, he could never really share the spotlight and was always to aggressive. This is why he landed three suspensions last year. For many of these people, they believed he needed to grow up and mature. To learn to share the spotlight with his fellow Cap teammates and realize that the show was not just about him.

Sure he led the league in goals for several years in a row. Yes he has won several awards for his play, his points and for his heart. But that did not mean he didn't need to change, because yeah they weren't thrilled with the way he played the game.

And lets not forget his lack of getting both the Caps into the finals, and his Russian hockey team into a medal at the Olympics.

Flash forward to this season. Ovi, isn't the scoring machine he was last year. While he has been a great assist man, he is falling way behind in the leading goal scorer for anything. And once again the men of the office started coming to me for Ovi's performance. Once again they weren't to thrilled. These same men who bitched about his game, where now slamming him for not being aggressive enough. For not being the same player that they thought was to rough last year?

They aren't the only ones. I have read articles lately-and I usually avoid them like the plague for this very reason-regarding his game. Questioning if he has peaked. They analysis every game, if he doesn't score its horrible. Is it the pressure? Is it the disappointment from the playoffs? Is he saving himself for this years rounds? Should we write him off now as just another hockey player that had all the potential but never lived up to it?

I suppose only time will tell. But all this talk just makes me think, that he can't catch a break. Sure he hasn't been scoring. But since when did the game of hockey become an individualized sport. When did assisting in several of the big goals this year become a horrible thing?

Did I miss something here?
Will they ever find something right with the guy?

Because the next time he goes on a twenty game scoring streak, I am pretty sure they will find something to bitch about that as well.

A return.

There is always the same sort of melancholy that seems to hit me about this time of every year. For starters, I return back to work, after almost a week and a half without so much of a thought of it. The holidays have come and gone leaving a messy house and a bunch of new toys and gadgets in its path. They are still under the tree, yet to be touched or put away. And while I know I need to I put off taking down the lights and the decorations for just one more day. Hoping to delay the whole its over feeling that much longer.

Its not that I don't welcome the new year. Believe it or not I do. Its a fresh start, a new beginning a chance to redeem ones self in a lot of ways. And while I may bitch about work, I am thankful I have a job. Well most of the time I am thankful anyway.

But its the fact that the most magical time of the year has come and left us. Without allowing me to blink.After all there is the fear I might have missed something. Its the fact that I know I don't get another good chunk of time for awhile. Its the fact that I had the best time with just my son and I. We left this morning, bright and early and my heart broke as he said goodbye to all of his toys. And his books. I wanted to immediately say screw it, call in and spend another day lounging with him in PJ's while we play Thomas and Mickey Mouse club. I mean is my job really all that important? Am I really needed right away? Couldn't it wait just one more day?

For a minute I truly did contemplate this, because when all is said and done. No matter how much I may not say it to be able to stay at home with my son would be a dream come true. I know several women who aspire to be Managers, teachers, run their own company and doctors. But I have never had that desire to be anything big. I don't wish for the power that management brings. I used to want to teach, but think the best teacher I could be is to teach my son the things in life. And while curing the next big disease would be amazing, science was never my thing.

Of course in order to pull this small request I do cherish so much it would require several things. Win the lottery, which I found you actually have to play in order to win. Move out of the DC area, and considering we just bought a house here, I have no desire to pack and unpack once more. Or for my husband to up and leave his job, get a new one that will pay him enough to take care of us all. And since he happens to love his job-and honestly I don't blame him either-I will not ask him to leave it just in order to make me happy.

So it looks like at least for the time being I am stuck here.

That being said, I managed to get not only get him, but the husband and myself out the door and on to another work week without so much of a tear. I tried to ignore the feeling of complete dread for just much longer. Reminding myself that maybe one day things will be a little different. I waited for the husband to lock the door before making my way down the flight of stairs trying to remember the last time I had been out the door in the dark. Before the holiday break that was for sure. I slide into the passengers seat of my husbands Protege waiting for the car to warm up wondering were the holidays had gone. Where the past week had gone. And why it suddenly seemed like the shortest week ever.

Yes I knew this day would come. The holidays can't last forever. The week long vacation can't last forever. But it didn't make that cold car ride any less easier.

Winter Classic 2011

Dear Caps-

So I feel like I have bitched enough at you guys lately that I should redeem myself in several emails. This is my second.

First off CONGRATULATIONS.

I mean really, congratulations for winning the winter classic, though by the way the media and all played it out you would think it was more like the seventh game in the playoffs rather than a normal game, mid season when the only thing the winner takes home is two points, and the knowledge that they beat the other team on an outdoor stadium. Which lets face it, would have probably been true, but we are talking about Pittsburgh here. Beating them, whether its a regular season game or a Stanley cup playoff round feels pretty damn good right about now.

I sat there in my sisters living room Saturday night, a sister who mind you us more of a hurricane fan than a Caps fan-but this will not be mentioned-rolling my eyes through the pregame talk about just how wonderful the Pens are feeling like they were pretty one sided. I mean granted the game was being held in Pittsburgh, so in the respect I guess it should be somewhat. But this was to the point where I had to walk away. I can only handle so much Crosby love before feeling the need to vomit. And when the game began, and the Pens scored first. My first thought was. Well shit.

Seriously it was.

In fact my mom was getting rather pissed once more at my lack of believing, as was my husband. I admit it was getting ugly again. But come on, I just couldn't stand listening to Pens are fabulous, pens are so much better. Crosby is the good guy, Ovi is the bad. So I took my moms advice from a while ago and walked away. Tuned it out and talked to my sister. About anything other than the game.

And then we tied it. And I could breathe once again. Sure it was only tied, but my mind set of I just want to be blown out had to be better than the alternative. And then I watched as we scored again, and I moved to the edge of my seat holding on while they-as in commentators here-moved from how freaking wonderful the pens where to just how bad the ice was. And no they did not give you any more credit, because they started making excuses on why Fluery wasn't exactly making those saves.

It was all rather. Pathetic.

And as I watched, as you guys, you band of brothers battled it out, fought the elements, the horrible weather, the bad ice to take a three to one lead and held it. You guys were playing hard. You were out playing them. YOU were the better team. I realized how much I am proud of you, how much I am proud to call myself a fan. Even if you didn't win how proud I was going to be anyway. I mean you could have backed down, you could have done what the commentators wanted and given the game to the home team. But you didn't. We didn't.

So thank you.

And when the final buzzer went off, it took me to realize what we had just done.
We had won the Winter Classic. Maybe it isn't exactly the Stanley Cup, maybe you weren't standing there holding a silver cup over your head. (Yet) But it was the winter classic.
And damn did it feel amazing.

Though I am pretty sure, they will be gunning for your heads come February. For this moment, for this weekend, it doesn't matter. This moment, this weekend is yours.
Own it. Cherish it.

Before they seek blood.

With love
A devoted& proud fan.

An evening to myself.

Confession.

As much as I love my husband, and my son. There are times when I miss me time. Not in the sort of way that I would trade in my son for it. But in the way that when I get that time I cherish it.

And I realize how much I miss it.

Before my son, I had plenty of me time. Mainly in part to Andy's schedule. He works long hours, and even during the semester I would often find myself alone at night. I spent it in baths, my nose in a book or glued to a television set watching whatever I wanted to. Usually it was something Andy would have no interest in what so ever. I danced around the living room, blared the music and had a pretty amazing clean apartment. But as we all know life changes.

We had a son.

And while Andy still works for the Caps, I have found myself juggling between between being a student a full time employee, and playing both mom and dad often. And that free time I enjoyed so much?

Has taken a back burner to things. On the rare occasion that I do have time by myself it is crammed in studying, writing papers and heading off to class. I look back at those care free childless days and think man what I wouldn't give for a bubble bath without having to worry I am going to wake Logan.

But tonight, its me time again. My husband is off at a game, my son off with my mom for a prearranged agreement we have had. And I have the entire house to myself for several hours.

So what am I going to do with that time?

Clean, wrap and dance, and then after draw myself a nice hot bath and enjoy the silence while it lasts.

Because who knows when the next time I will get a chance to do so.

Glee

Dear Caps-

After so many letters, which have yet to be answered. I figured why not give it one more attempt. I mean who knows right?

Well well well. This weekend was, interesting.

You had me scared there for a minute after Saturdays game. It wasn't pretty. In fact you can ask my husband. Yes we had a major blowout thanks to you. Apparently, I am all passion for the game, I care way to much about the score on the board, while he watches the game for what it is, and does not think the score is reflective on how well you actually played. And while this may be true. When it comes to the final flick of that clock, the score board is exactly what matters. But lets not get into this. One major blowout of the weekend is enough.

So yes I was scared. I went through Saturday, and most of Sunday having my husband hate me, my mother hate me and both of them telling me I should turn in my fan card right away. Because apparently the way I was reacting was not, in what so ever way healthy, normal or showing that I was/am a fan. I ignored them as they talked about Bruce, the possibilities that weren't looking good. Especially if we were going to lose again that night, which would bring the total of losses to 9. Instead I did what my mother suggested, and walked away from it all. I didn't listen to the reports about the Saturday nights game. Didn't listen to the preshow events. And by the time the game started last night. I hadn't so much thought about anything.

And when we found ourselves down by 2 last night. I simply walked away. Muted the station and turned the channel to football. Yes you heard me, football. You made me turn it on. I didn't want to see you guys lose again. And from the looks of it, you guys were heading there.

Once again.

Yet somehow, I came back to it. Just in time to see the first goal. And then the second. And before I knew it the game was tied, and you brought hope and life and everything the holiday season is about back to me. And I once again believed in you guys.

Thankfully, you gave me reason to. Once again I was jumping out of the seat cheering and all the good stuff. And as the final ticks clicked down, I sat there, a bundle of nerves rocking back and forth..not wanting to see as we held on to the one goal lead. If we could just win this game. I sat there praying for it. Like I hadn't prayed in a long time.

And I cried when I realized we had actually won.

And the amazing thing? Not one of my coworkers has come up to talk about the win.
Because apparently, only when you guys are losing do they feel the need to ask me what is up with you guys and sit for hours discussing the game.

And I have gone back to the quiet girl, with the decked out Caps cube once more.

So thank you.
Lets hope this is the last of the frustration letters from me in the near future.
But maybe I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.
Just yet.

Yours-
A little bit more happy fan.

When the going gets tough.

Dear Caps-

Yes its me.

Again.

I know, I know. I have been rather harsh on you as of late. In fact perhaps harsh is a little underrated. Because lets face it, I have been rather vocal with my unhappiness in the past handful of games. And right now I am pretty sure you have no desire to even read anything that comes from me. Which means you probably won't even read this. Go ahead and discard.

I will wait.

Alright, now that, that is out of the way lets get back to the reason I emailed you. You aren't the only ones that are disgusted with my frustrations. My mom had the tickets the other night, and we sat up there, in section 424 watching it. And even though I missed the one and only goal that was scored-thanks to a smart ass comment from me to my mother resulting in her pulling down my hat at the precise moment Laich scored-I thought we were in the game. No I didn't get my hopes up but it seemed that we were at least in the game. Which is a good thing. Believe me.

That is up until overtime.
Have I mentioned how much I hate overtime.

When the Ducks scored in overtime. I cursed. I said I gave up on you. I cried. I sat there in the stands looking down at the ice wondering if it was even worth caring this much anymore. I started dropping the F-bomb like it was nothing. And I am not one to sit there and use it very often.

My mom got so pissed off at me that she went off on me. Seriously in the middle of the arena like I was ten years old. She didn't know where the whole dirty mouth came from-clears throat, umm hockey?-she informed me how ashamed she was of me, and how she has never ever seen me like this. I was becoming my father who she in recent years has banned from even being in the same room during a game.

On and on she went.
Somewhere I am sure I even heard how I am not a true fan.

I tried to save myself, telling her I was allowed five minutes of pure frustration. And that to her this is just a game but this is my life. My husband's job. I live hockey twenty/four seven. And if we weren't doing well it affects everything in my daily life.

She wasn't really having any of it.

We argued pretty much the entire way home about our situation.
And as she drove away it occurred to me, that she is right. In some ways. Because if I am a fan like I say I am, then I need to stand behind you, through the good times and the bad. Its like a marriage in that sense. And just because we hit a bumpy spot in the road for a bit doesn't mean you just walk away from it.

Sure the bad times have hit hard. But one must remember that last year you went 14 straight without a loss. This is nothing. This to shall pass.

Which is why, I will once again sit in my home tomorrow night, the holiday lights in the background and cheer you on. Because I am a fan.

No matter how much you suck at any given time.

Yours,
A frustrated fan.

Winter Break.

So my final exam was turned in this afternoon. Thats right, turned in meaning it was a take home. Yes they actually have those. It was more of a paper than an exam but whatever. Its done its over with and I am officially on Winter Break until the end of January.

And how am I feeling right now?



Noe if it was only warm enough to wear jeans and a t-shirt.

the most wonderful time of the year

That's right my friends. Not only does December bring about the much anticipated holidays but it also brings the end of another semester.

I would like to think one of these days I will be sitting here telling you that its my last final ever. Sadly its not today and not this year. Though if you want some good news, and who doesn't, well come the end of next semester I will be a Senior. So that's at least something to look forward to. But until then I sit here attempting to study.

But heres the thing, finals week in December have never been easy. After all in sitting here thinking about gifts, if there is anyone else I need to get. Have I gotten everything for Andy and Logan. I'm thinking about holiday parties and pumpkin pie. Considering I haven't had dinner pumpkin pie sounds fabulous.

Another words I'm thinking about anything but my final in just over an hour. Still with a little luck, and the knowledge that I only need ten points to get a C, maybe I just may pass the damn thing.

Maybe.

Which means I should get off here.
Back to studying I go.

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Round 2...

Dear Caps.

Here we go again.

Yes its me.
Again.

I am assuming my first letter did not get to you in time for this weekends games. I should talk to the mailman, or the squirrel that I am pretty sure runs my computer about this.

Listen...this is getting old. Do you think I enjoy coming into work every day after a lose feeling as though I have justify why you guys are playing the way you are? Justify the reasons I think, Bruce should and will stick around? Explain why Ovi isn't the same man he was last year. Yes we know he isn't the scoring machine he was, but hello he has been incredible with the assist. Yet, apparently it isn't exactly what these guys want to hear. Which is pretty amazing for last year they were complaining he was to strong, to aggressive and now these same men are telling me they need the old Ovi back. You know, come to think of it what should I expect? They are men, aggressive is right up their ally.

OK yep, I am getting off base here. Forgive.
Lets get back on track.

I realize you all have the flu. Its being passed around like those stink bugs this past summer. Its horrible. Really it is. I wish I could have magical remedy to clear it up. But I don't so you just get stuck with a letter instead. I know you are just so thrilled. I can read it across your face as I type this out.

And because I am sure this will make know no difference in the long run, I would allow me some time just to bitch. Because I need it. And even if it does nothing to change the outcome, it will make me feel at least a hell of a lot better.

I am really at loss of words lately when it comes to my favorite team. I mean for years we-as in the Washington DC-area have been in a rut for a great sports team. But it seemed that you guys had changed that. You were the bright spot in this area. Now I am not saying I wasn't a fan before you guys rose to your stardom. As we established in my first letter I have been a fan for a long time now, back before the rock the red, seats filled completely days. But when you guys became the team that you are supposedly now, well.. You promised not just myself, but the town a chance.

And we believe(d) in you. I believe in you.

And yet I am finding it harder and harder to defend you. I dread coming to work the day after a game when you lose. Especially to a 7-0 loss. That one hurts like hell. I sit in my cube and hide from all the nay sayers looking for any information that they can get from me.-Confession here, my husband works for the team-and while I don't give them any we spend hours discussing it. The reasons, the questions. And I try, oh do I try to encourage them to continue to follow you guys.

But I am losing my battle.
And I need some help.

Maybe its the flu that is going around, or the cameras for this HBO special. Or maybe its the Redskins, after all they have been in a slump for what...years? But whatever it is, it needs to get fixed. The sooner the better.

Again, as I have said, I can't do this alone.

So we need to figure out what is going on here. We need to get back to the team I know and love. No, I don't expect you to win every game. But I really don't want you to lose every game either.
So if we could maybe figure out a compromise.

Well I would be eternally grateful.

Yours-
A frustrated fan.

A heartfelt letter.

Dear Caps-

I think its time we talk.

You are breaking my heart.

What are you trying to accomplish here? Trying to kill me? Trying to force me into not believing you are the team that is supposedly Cup worthy this year? Because if you are, then your doing a wonderful job. Seriously if this is the case then so be it. Go ahead and play like shit, give up, pack it in and call it a season right now.

I will see you next October.

But I thought we were stronger than this, I thought we were the team to beat, not the team to beaten, broken down and thrown out like yesterdays garbage. What happened to the team that in the beginning of the season promised me they would make it farther than the first round this year? Have you lost it so much that you can't gain any ground? Have your young guns already peaked? Please tell me this is not so.

I get it, I know that the sport is hard, the season long. And by no means are we anywhere near being out of it. This I know. Just as much as I know everyone is after us. But seriously, some of these teams were easily beaten...hello Panthers? Its been what how many seasons since they beat us on our home turf?

Well up until last night that was.

You can't tell me you only want to pay attention to the 'big' games. If you are then you are in for a surprise, because yeah the other teams, that ones that you thought were so easy you could win without trying, well they turn into actual teams that are willing to challenge, and apparently beat us.

I also understand that every team has their shitty moments. I am assuming this is what we are going through. But do you think you can maybe stop this? Four games is by far enough for me. Somehow I don't think I am the only one that would agree on this either. I am also trying not to listen to the nay sayers that are telling me the coach should be fired, Ovi should be demoted and that everyone on the team needs to be traded. Because while they may think so, I doubt this would be the answer.

Which leads me, and anyone reading this asking, what the hell is going on and how do we fix it? I will not pretend to have all the answers. I am no coach or even analysis after all. But what I do see is a lack of confidence, a lack of leadership. Maybe Ovi isn't the captain we thought he would be? Maybe we need a veteran in there. Someone who will get mad with everyone and isn't afraid to say anything. That sort of guy. I mean Ovi is wonderful, but does he do any of this? We need this sort of leader.To bad the only one I can think of the moment worthy of the position has his mouth wired shut.

And while I know its a lot easier said than done, we need to win. Stop blaming things such as the flu on your losing ways. Look deeper. You have to want it, to win it. I know you guys are playing for the Cup, but you are also playing for the fans. And without us, you guys wouldn't be the team you are today. Believe me I know I sat through plenty of empty seat games to know how we have changed you, and how you have changed us. But please dig somewhere deeper til you find out what has been missing. Until you find out what playing is worth, until you find out what is missing..I am afraid this is going to go nowhere.

Yes its a game. But it is also your life. Your profession.
You guys are better than this.

I still stand behind you. I still can't wait for the day that you raise the cup at the Verizon Center and blow the rest of the hockey world out of the water. But I can't do this alone.

Don't make me.

Yours Sincerely.
One frustrated fan.

Baby Its cold outside.

If this past week is any indication of just how this winter is going to be. I am...

Screwed.

I don't remember when I started to hate the cold. I mean as a kid, I was never ever this bone chilled cold. I could stand it. I welcomed it. I couldn't wait to get this first snow of the season, even more when there was an actual snow day due to it.

But now, since I have shedded the thirty pounds of baby fat I had-mind you its been ten years since I lost it all.-I just can't stand it. I hate standing there waiting for the van to bring me to work. I hate going out in it period.

I know what your thinking, just wrap up. Wear layers. Which is great. But what if that doesn't work? Because I will tell you right now, it doesn't. For the most part I wear a winter coat around the office for the better part of the day and sit there in my cube miserable. Just wanting something, anything that will warm me up.

Which leads me to my next thought, I have also been dog tired, worn out weak. Its been going on for awhile. And while I used to think it was all just pure coincident, I am beginning to think or wonder if my tiredness and my coldness has something to do with one another. So I decided to finally call the doctors to see. I am no worried, just nervous and figured its worth getting looked at.

Even if my husband thinks I am absolutely nuts to think this. The other night I was discussing this very matter with him and he kept telling me to wait, that a few days wouldn't really make a difference in the long wrong. And yet as I was describing what I felt like, he was informing me that I was assuming I had something-I mentioned the possible thyroid problem-without even thinking anything through. And how I shouldn't assume, or think I have anything wrong because yeah he is pretty sure nothing is wrong. This is all in my head.

Which is why I have not mentioned the fact I emailed the doctors and will see them if need be.

Why?

I want my mind at ease. Isn't it always better to do so then worry? Or find out to late. Maybe I just need to get new vitamins, maybe I just need to workout a little more, or maybe there is generally something wrong that I may need to get further medication for. I just don't know.

And no this is not what I am thinking.

Besides. This being cold all the time, gets rather old.

Christmas photos. 2010

And so let our holiday picture tradition start. I have never been one to do this before but figured with a little one, I may as well get on the bandwagon and begin taking an annual Holiday picture at the end of the year. And so we made an appointment with Portrait Innovations-which amazingly could fit us in-and were looking forward to it. Of course what we didn't plan on was Logan getting sick, though looking back at things it seems whenever we attempt to do a photo session he somehow gets sick. We had thought about cancelling or rescheduling. But have you seen our schedules lately?

Yea to say that we are a bit busy is an understatement. So we figured we would just make due with it. I mean after all, we only really wanted a nice photo for Christmas cards and nothing more. So if they weren't the worlds best, then oh well. I gathered up some goodies for him, along with some toys and coloring activities and said we would just have to make due with what we had.

When we got there, they informed us they were running an hour behind schedule. They gave us the option of returning later that day-they would call- or for us to wait it out. Seeing that lil man had already spotted the Lego's and was entertained we figured why not. After all getting him back in the car seat was going to be hell. So we would wait. I wasn't sure how he was going to do, an hour wait? On top of the photosession and then the selection process? This may not be good at all. Still I was determined to wait it out and see, after all I could always come back sometime and get them retaken. But I really didn't want to. And he was good thus far.

Of course seeing the others arounds me reaction didn't help. If the kids who were feeling well couldn't handle it how was he actually going to? Was I kidding myself? He was however a good trooper. And thanks to my Ipod and the activities, was a pretty happy toddler who was taking the wait better than most. In fact I felt bad for the parents whose children where having a hard time....

And while it was a long wait, we finally managed to make it back there with a still smiling little boy who you would never know was sick at all. Well except for the occassional sniff and cough.

And we were quite impressed with the photos as well. We had never used them as a photo place before, and didn't know what to expct but the quality and the price really wasn't as bad. I will say they could have been a lot worse.

We left with our wallets feeling a lot emptier than when we arrived. We had not expected to buy anything other than Christmas cards but left with a whole lot more.

Of course how could you resist such an adorable face?

Yeah there was no way we were only going to be able to pick just one.

Believe me on this one.

100 days.

Hard to believe we are once again counting down the days til our spring get away to one of our favorite places around.

That's right. We are going back to Disney in 100 days.

I was looking at photo's of this past trip back in July and it seems like it was just yesterday that we were there and here we are getting ready to get in our final months before we take off once again.

But unlike the last trip, this one is sort of special. Because it is a mom and dad trip only. I am so fortunate to have parents who actually offered to take Logan while Andy and I get some much needed time away together for a bit.

This isn't the first time that we have been able to do this, my mom in fact gave us the same offer when Logan was just six months. Looking back it was one of the hardest things to do, leaving him behind. And yet now I fear it will be ten times worse because unlike when he was six months, he will actually semi know whats going on. He will call for us, cry for us and maybe throw a tantrum or two. Everything I expect.

And yet, I can't tell you how much I look forward to some time as just Andy and Aleisha again-am I horrible to even admit this?-the hockey season has Andy tied up for the better part of the year, and we don't see each other anymore so getting some alone time is sort of a great feeling. Or thought.

So heres to the next 99 days. May it fly right on by with the rest of the year.

Its not the big things that take us by surprise.

When I had my son in the winter of 09' I knew a lot of things were bound to change. I would be a mom from now on. No longer would I be just Aleisha for example. I knew my evenings would be filled with sport practices and homework. And gone were the quiet relaxing lazy weekends were my husband and I would stay in bed for hours.

All things I took in to consideration and even looked forward to in a lot of ways.

But sometimes its the small things, the things we don't think about that catch us of guard. Like sick leave.

Before my son, I didn't care much about sick leave and for the most part I didn't even really touch it. A thing I was thankful for when I was expecting. That's right. I could go for months without so much of a day off. And it wasn't unusual for me to have an excess of over 80 hours laying around. I won't lie, I would take a day or two off when I needed a mental health day not even thinking about it. Because I had plenty and surely I would never really need all that much of it anyway.

But now that I have my son I can't seem to keep it. I am barely lucky to have stored 40 hours before either my son-which in turns gets brought to me-or myself get sick. I look back at those days not long ago when having days built up was so easy and think, man....

Perhaps I bring this up, because I have spent the past two days in bed, with the cruds and while I sit here typing this I still feel like crap but know I need to go into work if I want to have any sick leave still available.

Just in case.

Or maybe its because recently my friend had suggested we take a mental health day sometime in the near future, to do a girls day. And while I thought how lovely that would be, at the same very moment I was calculating just how many hours I would need and how many hours I need to save up, once again in the likelihood that something would come up.

I am in no means complaining about my son, or having to deal with sick kids and leave. But sometimes it just amazing how much life has changed. How much in the span of two years I have gone from careless twenty something who lived for the days of being carefree and spontaneous to a thirty year old mother of one, who seems to have to plan and prepare.

Including her sick leave.

Just in case.

Black Friday

I am not the kind of person who gets excited over black Friday. I don't get up at the crack of dawn just to save a couple of dollars. I would much rather spend those hours in bed. The stores will be there tomorrow and the deals aren't all that cracked up. And surely not worth me losing sleep over.

Of course now that I have a kid that seems to have changed. Maybe. We spent Thanksgiving with my family this year. The last before my aunt sells here house, in the spring. The plan was for my sister to watch Logan, my nearly two year old son on black Friday so that my best friend and I could go to our annual Thanksgiving hockey game. A tradition we started nearly six years ago. Since my sister actually was planning on doing black Friday, she volunteered to watch lil man over night so to avoid the predawn wakeup call.

Now I don't know about ant other couples with kids but true alone time, without the kid(s) doesn't happen to often. And when it does I like to enjoy the adult time. You know like seeing a movie-which hasn't happened in a good while- but it being 9:30 pm on Thanksgiving night the theatres would be packed. I should I know I worked them many ions ago and promised myself never again.

So what are two adults to do? Open a bottle of wine and enjoy the evening? Nope. We decide to head to ToysRUs which opened at 10 with all the other nutty shoppers.

I don't know what my husband expected but I'm pretty sure it wasn't the half mile line just to get into the store. And yet like two fools we joined them and waited talking with fellow shoppers to pass the time. Nor did we expect for it yo take a half hour just to get in the store.

Thankfully when it was our turn there was no pushing, trampeling or any other barbaric acts one sees on the TV,in fact I was pleasantly surprised at just how calm and organized it all was.

Until we got in that was. The shelves which had been stocked well before now stood bare and empty, and the store had only been opened for a half hour. I thanked the lord Logan is only two and didn't want that Mega Buzz everyone was grabbing up. Instead we headed for the trains and preschool/toddler toys which remained on the shelves a lot longer than the Buzz. We flew through the store grabbing what we could before realizing that our bag was full, plenty for lil man this year.

But if we were shocked by the half hour wait, we had a bigger surprise coming in the two hour wait to checkout. Yes that's right two hours. I think we fit to know the people around us rather well in those two hours.

When we finally checked out somewhere around one We realized two things. One being we had a tuqlly finished our son in the span of one shopping trip. The other?

That this was quite possibly the stupidest thing we had ever done.

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With tomorrow being Thanksgiving and the holidays right around the corner, I think many of us forget the real reason for the holiday. That being said, I figured I would go ahead and list just a few things I am thankful for. So without further ado.

I am thankful for:

-Logan for without him I am lost. He will never know how happy he has made his mommy.
-My husband, for being there no matter what.
-My job which isn't the greatest and sure I may bitch about it but I know how lucky I am to still have a job.
-My supportive and loving family-inlaws included.
-Being alive-after the massive car accident this past summer I realize how precious life really is.
-My drive-the strength to continue to pressure my education.
-Friends-who allow me time to be myself, yet are their when I need a hand, an ear and two arms.
-Music, silly but without it I am lost.
-Shelter, my house may not be the newest, or the most organized but its a home and its filled with love.
-A nice long hot bath for allowing me some time to be on my own.
-My education, because without a book in my hand, I am at a total lose of anything.
-My money sense and the ability to save. Its come in handy from time to time.
-Summer just because its my favorite season.

There a thousand more things I can think of and the list could always grow but these are just a few of the small things that make me grateful.

Taylor Time.

Dear Taylor Swift-

This past weekend while my husband was at work I sat in the midst of the living room engaged in a heated game of hockey with my almost two year old son Logan. I say heated because despite the fact that he is nearly half my size and quite the number of years younger, he has quite the slap-shot developing.

Lucky me.

So there I was getting the crap beaten out of me by a happy go lucky toddler who could care less about anything other than the sport when halfway through his 'gooooaallll' he stops mid sentence and freezes in place. He begins to babble something that I am sure makes perfect sense in his precious mind but takes anyone over the age of two a little longer to figure out.

'Pretty. Pretty Pretty.'

I begin to blush, I mean who wouldn't fall for this line? Especially with those blue/green eyes of his? I began thanking my son when he shook his head and continued to mumble. And then thats when I saw it. A commercial on the screen and it was, you. Promoting your Speak Now album. And suddenly I knew it wasn't me that he was so in love with. But a gorgeous blonde who had somehow captured his attention.

He quickly abandons the hockey game, and I assume he is satisfied that he has won as he quickly finds the remote-which is sort of scary to even know that he knows exactly what this is-and turned to me.

'Pretty watch pretty.' He then tapped the television, to make his point clear.

I do what any mom would do and begin searching through VH1, MTV and CMT hoping that I would get lucky enough that one of them may be playing something of yours.

They weren't.

But lucky for me, our local cable network offers a thousand of your videos on demand for free and I spent the next hour watching 'Love Story.' And 'You Belong with me.' Though his personal favorite seems to be 'Mine.'

Now while watching your videos with my son I discovered a few things about him. First my boy likes blondes, second he can dance. And third, he has already come to terms that he is going to marry you.

Seriously.

During the video for 'Love Story.' we watched and my little Logan got this huge beam across his face. He seemed to be enjoying it very much. That is until the Prince came across. And then he turned to me and clinched his teeth to say... 'GRRR..GRRR GRR.' He looked confused and began to mumble and babble again, happy to see you solo once more. This seemed to be a common them throughout all of your videos and your love interests.

It was his first experience with jealousy. I am afraid it won't be his last.

Still I figured I would ask, and so with my own heart breaking, after all I am no longer number one in his eyes-I asked if he loved you. He smiled and shook his head. Yes. I then decided to ask if he was going to marry you. Again he smiled and shook his head. He then pointed to the blonde haired boy in the 'You belong with me.' And said...'No...Pretty, Mine....Pretty mine.'

So dearest Taylor, you see my son has every hopes of marrying you. Please don't break his heart.

Love-
Me.

PS. I look forward to welcoming you into our family.

I've got the music in me.

See the image to your right over there.

Yea, I will confess I can not live without it. Literally I am one of those people you see on the subway, the kind that sleeps on the way home, their earbuds plugged in. I am the kind that listens to it at the mall while walking it. The kind that is constantly having to get a new one-like every two years-because I abuse the shit out of it.

Yes I listen to it that much.

In fact I view my Ipod like my husband views his phone. He is never without it, and gets quite lost without it. So this morning when I got in the car only to realize my Ipod wasn't with me. I sort of freaked out. Sort of. But I figured it was somewhere, it had to be. I checked my coat, my bag and even my car, nothing. My husband ran back into the house to do a quick search, he came back empty handed. Which at the point I began to freak a little more. Or ok a lot more. I mean really where could it be? It hadn't gone to far. It couldn't have. I ran my agenda from the night before in my head. Suddenly I think I remember never even bringing my Ipod into the house. Did I? No I am pretty sure I didn't. I had my hand full. Even with the handless device that my keys offer, it is still hard to do. So then I tried to recall if I locked my car and couldn't. A fact that got me even more irate than anything.

We ended up driving off, without my Ipod, which I have convinced myself is stolen at this point. Chalking it up to being pissed off at myself since if my car was unlocked then it was an open invite to anyone to take it really.

My Friday was ruined.

My husband, who always tends to look at things as a half full view went on about how its at home he just overlooked him. And I sat there trying to tell him that he is wrong. That I knew it was gone. We sat there as the lights flew by us, screaming at the top of our lungs trying to prove that we were the ones in the right.

He was mad because I was dramatically overreacting to the simple thought that my Ipod was stolen, without proof that it actually was stolen. And I was pissed because he just wanted me a happy little smily person and didn't want me to be at all upset what so ever.

All over a freaking Ipod.

We rode all the way to my parents house in silence still fuming over everything.
As we departed, him to his office, me to the metro I was still fuming, though maybe not so much, and as my van picked us up and brought me to the office I was at least calm when I heard about a woman who watched as a guy in a wheelchair was hit by a car in the morning, she watched the entire thing go down.

And it hit me then, just how stupid being so concerned with the possibility of an Ipod theft really was. We still had our health, my marriage and my son would still be singing to T.O Cruz's Dynamite on our way home. But to say that my Friday was ruined because of a missing Ipod? I'm pretty sure that one shouldn't be classified at an end all to be all, and I am prety sure if you were to ask the dude that got hit, the one in a wheelchair.

Well I am sure he would be willing to trade a missing Ipod, with me any day.