So What Are You Going To Do From Here?

A little over a month ago I finally graduated. Yes it was a huge, huge accomplishment. Of course I guess after years of having the question "When are you going to graduate" thrown around it should come to no surprise that it is now being replaced with "So what are you going to do from here."

It is now a question I get asked at least once a day. And it is a question I find I ask myself on a daily basis. Because I thought, I would have known exactly the answer by the time I walked across that stage in May.

But the truth is, there are endless possibilities, and yet not so much at the same time. I promised myself that when I finally finished I would find time to sit down and get back to my creative writing. Vowed that I would even finish at least one of the projects I started years ago. But what I didn't account for was the fact it actually takes time to get your mojo back. It has been months, even a year since I have had such free time on my hands to even sit down and think. Granted I did take the poetry class last fall, but it wasn't exactly the same. And it didn't help me on those written pieces already started. Though it did serve as a good distraction. Still I vow I will get to it, my mojo will once again come back to me.

Then there is my current role, a lot of people assumed I would just up and look, get out of here. But I made a commitment to the company that I would remain here for a year after graduation. While I do not feel stuck in that sense, at the same time it doesn't allow me to explore the possibility until at least this time next year. I am however thankful that they supported me and continue to support me in my decisions. Sure the commute could always be better, but the group of people I support are great. Perhaps it is a  blessing in disguise. Obviously with the recent announcement, I figure it is not the best time to go out and look.

Not to mention, that before I know it, my life is going to change once again. Only for the better. We are excited and thrilled beyond belief. Even if I still go through my panic modes like all of us mommies do.

So perhaps I don't exactly know where I am still going, maybe its a process that is still being worked out and worked on.

Maybe that is all OK. After all life is forever in progress.

And who we are, and where we are going is never finished.

A day to remember

January 28^th 

 To most this is just another day. They will go to school, to work. Come home not thinking of anything. But to me, January 28 has always been and will forever now be one of those days that aren’t just another day to me.  And not just for one reason, but for three, though I fully admit one is quite absurd and silly of me. But this will be addressed. 

You see today marks what I refer to as the Challenger day. The day I watched at the time a bright eyed kindergartener who dreamt of being an astronaut as the beloved space shuttle blew up in to outer space, disappearing before my eyes. It stunned the world, broke my heart and forever changed my dream. It still remains one of the most vivid recollections of my childhood. Ever since I have quietly marked the passing of years on this day in my own silent way, remembering it all to well as if it was not 28 years ago but rather yesterday.

In high school, the date helped me with my history classes. But then something else came to mark the day. For anyone who knows me knows this. I am a walking calendar, especially birthdays. You tell it to me once and for some reason I will never forget it. It doesn’t matter if I knew you in elementary school and haven’t talked to you in years. I still remember it. So when my favorite boy band member announced his birthday was on January 28^th, well I stashed it away, and my fifteen year old self still wishes him a very happy birthday. So what if he has no clue that I am. 

It just made the day that much more important to me. 

When my husband and I found out we were expecting with an early February due date I truly thought, you watch this I am going to deliver on the 28^th of January. The date just seems to stick. I didn’t. He came five days later. And I will be honest when I say, I kind of took one giant sigh I didn’t go into labor on the 28^th.

But now this day, well it marks something much more personal than a shuttle, or a crush’s birthday. Because this is the day three years ago now when I went to work not having a clue that by the end of the day I would be rushed to the ER, undergoing the first of three emergency operations  on my colon and coming out to tell about it. It is not always something that is easy to talk about and something that I wish I wouldn’t have to celebrate or remember on this day. But for reasons unknown it is and forever be marked year by year. 

I am sure we all have days like this, ones that may mean nothing to the rest of us, but the world to us. January 28^th, just happens to be mine.

Blogember challenge day 1: One of the best lessons life has shown you.

Life is short. Cherish the moments. If you were to ask me three years ago if I thought I would have been through 2 car accidents, and 3 emergency surgeries. I would have probably shrugged it off and said yeah right.

Little did I know what life had in store. I had bought a brand new car, so new that it had yet to be registered on Kelly Blue book. I had just made my first payment on it, on a hot Sunday in August we decided to go for a drive, Anderson and I trying to figure out whose car it would be. His old beat up Protege, or my new Sonata. For some reason, we chose mine.  I loaded my son then 1, and my husband into the car, we made plans with my parents to have dinner with them when a kid started texting and ran a red light. The brand new car saved our lives, as the car was completely totaled. Had it not been for taking that new car, we would have lost our lives as the entire front of the car became unattached.

 I was grateful then for our lives but didn't realize this was only the tip of an iceberg.

Six months later as I made my way home on a Friday night, my stomach began to hurt, I ignored it until I could no longer the pain was worse than childbirth! Before I knew it my husband and I found ourselves in the hospital, prepping me for emergency surgery by the end of the weekend. What would follow was a week and a half stay in the hospital, my colon had decided to  tie itself up in knots. While I  tried to be brave the entire time, I admit I was out of my mind scared, an hour later and who knows what would have happened.

It would happen two more times that year. And two more rounds of surgeries and stays in the hospital. I would lose 15-30 Ibs within that amount. While I hate to admit it, that first time leaving the hospital I had gotten down to 80 Ibs. I lost most of my colon, and work. It was not one of my finest years.

I am healed and doing well, though the weight still hasn't all come back on, my eating habits still haven't either. But that year taught me a lot. It taught me not to take anything for granted. It taught me that no matter what someone looks like on the outside, you can still be pretty sick. Believe me I was skinny, I got some crazy looks....it taught me that I could have lost even more and not been with us today....

Now I take the time to enjoy the moments that I have. A lazy day on the beach, a quiet moment after little man has gone to bed. Things like this. I realize life is too short. Things happen. Just this morning as I prepared to write this, word got out that I lost a dear friend of the family. She was 38.  I sat quietly in my cube, remembering her and wishing for more moments with her. 

We don't know what life has in store for us, so we need to make the most of the time. And all of this, because I had some major pains in my stomach. Imagine that.