A Star Wars Bedroom Guide

For the past five years Logan has spent every night in the smallest of the three bedrooms surrounded by his once beloved Cars themed room. The Cars era ended this past weekend as Andy and I surprised him with an updated and upgraded big kid’s room. We knew we wanted to move him over eventually, and when we found out we were expecting baby #2, it was no longer a one day we will, but rather sooner rather than later option. So it should come to no surprise that this Jedi loving kid now has a Star Wars room that is quickly becoming the hit of the town.

I will say Andy should get a lot of credit for this room. He had a vision and ran with it. His ultimate goal was to give Logan a Star Wars room that he would be able to grow with. Something not over the top, but still be a child’s dream come true.

So how did we do it? The process I must admit was no overnight decision. Rather we spent the past couple of weeks behind his back gathering things here and there and putting them aside, including gathering things he already had to include in the decoration. Finally we took my parents up on a sleepover at their house so Anderson and I could get to work pulling off an incredible surprise.

And so began the magic.

 Step One: The paint

After gutting the once guest bedroom clean, Andy got to painting. He choose to paint the room a navy blue and a soft grey, due to their Star Wars connection and the fact he can grow with it. The three walls, including the two on the sides and one long wall are grey and saved one wall the dark navy. The grey walls only needed two coats, but the navy one needed about three but in the end the contrast between the dark side and the light side (yes I did just say that) turned out really nice and gave the exact effect we were going for.

Step Two: The furniture

Once the paint was dry it was time turn the empty room into a bedroom. We were able to repurpose the furniture from the guest room, so that most of the big furniture was not purchased. And we scored with Target as the big colors for the dorm room seemed to be navy and gray this year, including the organization system we picked up, perfect for completing the room. The organization system is great to hide his knick-knacks, toys and books while doubling as a place to display the items he wants to share as he grows. Shelves were added along the walls to prop things up and use to fill up the wall space. 

Step Three: The decorations

With the furniture in place, it was time to have a little fun and decorate. Again we were able to bring a lot of things in to this room that he already had, toys, Lego sets and books to help create the warmth and love of Star Wars. The idea was once again to provide a room that he could grow with.

The Quilt: Was a birthday gift from my mother in law, as were the pillowcases, so needless to say it is one of a kind. And we love it! Fantastic job.

The light saber wall fixtures: Were from Toys R Us. It took us three stores to find both, due to the fact that Toys R Us is getting ready to roll out the new line of Star Wars stuff to fit the movie coming out in December.

Pictures: Came from Pinterest ideas and Target’s selection.

Vinylmations: Walt Disney World exclusives (you can find them on the disneystore.com website as well) we tend to pick one up every trip, they make for great accents.

Bean Bag: Again Target. Dorm room selection.

Death Star Clock: Hallmark, which is where you can also get the Itty Bittys.

So there you go. I believe we were able to create and capture the love of Star Wars while giving him a room that he can grow with for years to come. And what was the verdict from the Jedi who will be calling it his room for the next several years (fingers crossed)? 

He told us he never wants to leave the place.

Mission accomplished.

Goodbye Kindergarten.

So it seems like yesterday I was putting little man on the bus for the first time as a Kindergarten. Oh the nerves, if not for him than for myself. Would he like it? Would he make friends? What about his teacher?

Yet, here we are on the final days of the school year. Now when I put him on the bus he barely blinks at me as he heads off with the group of neighborhood friends. The same ones that not to long ago he never knew lived there. Instead of running to me to give me that big hug before he does so, now he blows me a kiss and does the whole imaginary hug, and I wonder why I was ever so worried about it. He did fine, no he did better than fine he did outstanding.

And it hits me, when he walks off that bus on Friday he will no longer be the Kindergartener, but rather the first grader. As another father said at the bus stop, come September he will no longer be the youngest one at the stop. He will have it down pat.

Lord help us all.

The funny thing is, a couple months ago he said he couldn't wait for summer break. While this still remains true there is a bit of fear in him as well. He mentioned he didn't exactly want to leave Kindergarten. Why? Because he loved it, because he like myself suffers from Peter Pan syndrome, in which he doesn't want to grow up. Because he loved his teachers. Because first grade may be hard.

Somehow, I think he will be just fine....
Come September.

Mommy guilt and holiday parties.

Yesterday among the endless amounts of holiday sale emails, and deals I received one from little mans parent classroom assistant. It was an invite to volunteer and participate in the kindergarten holiday party.  I scanned through it and instantly felt the guilty pains that I have become all so familiar with.

I never fully understood the whole mommy guilt thing until this year, when little man entered kindergarten. Probably because while he has been in Pre-K before this, my mom was able to be there in my absence which at least made me feel a little bit more in the loop of things. Either that or there wasn't quite as many in your face activities that we were asked to do.

 But I get it now. Because as much as I want to be able to attend every party, volunteer opportunity, luncheon and concert they hold within school hours the sad truth of it is. I have a full time job in DC, where it would take just as long to get to his school as it would to come in to work. And the forced leave at the end of the year does not allow me much flex time at the moment to just up and leave to volunteer. As much as I would like to.

But each and every time I get these emails I once feel the tug of war, and the guilt that comes with it. I know the reality of things. Time flies. Little boys grow up way too fast and these precious moments will fade in to the clouds. It is moments like these when I find myself struggling with the commute, the pile of work at my desk and listening to coworkers talk about what they missed out on.  Am I doing the right thing? I know why I am working and I know I need to work. Life is not like it was. But still I find myself debating if there is a better option. If I am perhaps missing out on something.

I am sure I am not alone in my sentiments. I know it is a struggle many of us deal with. The balance between home and work pulls us to our very core. I know the desire to be there is great, but the reality is far different.  Just as much as I know I am in for many, many years of feeling guilty about things. I can't spend as much time with him as I want.  It will be a struggle I should get used to I am assuming.

And yes, it is a real thing.

I scanned the email a second time until I got to the bottom where I hit the decline button (feeling a tad bit better that I could at least bring something in to the party). Still my mommy guilt was definitely working in over drive.

One year I promise myself I will be able to, until then I just hope he understands.

Day seven: I am Thankful for the small things.

This morning my son came crawling in to snuggle right before the alarm was to go off. As he wrapped his little hands around my neck and hugged me I wanted to stay in the moment forever. I wanted to capture it and put it away for the day he is 17 and no longer wants to have anything to do with me. 

This of course is not the first time he has done this. But each time he does, it turns out to be one of my favorite moments of the morning. It is also one of my most happiest moments of the morning. Probably because it happens to be the same time I realize how truly blessed I am.

I lay there in bed this morning, and listened to him chatter on and on. I admit half the stuff I probably didn't truly comprehend though I am pretty sure it was Star Wars related. And smiled. Yes, it is the small things in life like the extra five minutes of snuggle time that I am thankful for. It is just laying there cherishing the moment, not wanting to let it slip by me.

Sure fancy cars and huge rings are nice. But there is something so special and beautiful about the simple things. And none of these things seem to last and have the same sort of memories that the simple things can.

Often I think we take these simple moments and things in life for granted. How many times do we rush around to get ready, end up at the breakfast table and stare at our cell phones? I know we all do. But sometimes, well sometimes what we are missing is huge. 

Take a moment, look up. It’s catching your son snorting chocolate milk out of his nose so hard he is crying. Or watching him write a complete sentence and then reading it without any help. Yes, they are simple. But they are also amazing to catch.

It is those simple moments that memories are made from. And they are those moments that you will look back and think, why didn’t I do something about it back then?

I decided to stay in bed with him as long as we could. We giggled as he tried to wake his dad, and we danced around the room at the knowledge that it was in fact Friday.

As we left the house, I realized I did not make the bed.

And you know that was alright by me.

I am thankful for: Day Two.

I have written several posts about the special bond I have with my son, so it should come to no surprise that he is by far one of the things I am most grateful for.

One of my greatest achievements is being a mom. Growing up I was one of those girls that dreamed about having a kid, it was part of the reason at that time I wanted to be a teacher. I didn't care if it was a girl or boy just that it was a healthy. I suppose we all want the same thing.

I have to say when it comes to the kid department, I definitely lucked out. I have the worlds greatest kid. No joke. And he is my pride and joy. There isn't a day that goes by that I marvel at his achievements, his inner ability to be empathetic to anyone he comes across, including his teacher this past week. His attention to everyone's else baffles me and makes me proud to be the mom of the man he is becoming.

It takes a special kind of kid to hug his mom and ponder how you can play something with one hand because he wants his mom to experience the same sort of magic and fun that he gets to experience.

Special indeed.
And yes he is love.

No matter what kind of day I have had, he is there. He keeps me going. I can have the most craptastic of a day and the moment he comes running through the door displaying that gorgeous little grin, the craptastic day just vanished. It is moments like that when I find myself forever grateful for him. 

And I am grateful for the opportunity to be a mom. It is not something I take lightly as I know so  many who would love to be in my position.

Being a mom?

Well that, I am grateful every day for it.

A new chapter in raising a disabled mom.

Little man and me.

A couple years ago I wrote about what it meant to be a disabled mom raising a child. The surprising advantages that it has–and yes there are advantages–and the fears. Yes there are those as well. I got a lot of reaction from the piece, and was one of my first heavily viewed posts.

It remains one of my favorite pieces I have ever written.

I came across it the other day, and as I reread it, I realized just how blessed I truly am. How that little boy still remains the same sweet empathetic little 3-year-old he was back when I wrote the piece.

You see just this past weekend I found him sitting around our living room, a hockey stick in hand. He had the contemplated look on his face and for a moment my thoughts weaved from should I be worried about him to he is up to something, and if he was do I even want to know? Still I watched as he pointed the hockey stick and started making blaster sounds around the room, which sound suspiciously like the Stormtrooper guns. He would stop every now and then to ponder something. What that was, I wish I knew. He would adjust his hands, shake his head and then move on waving the idea away. His mouth getting a work out as it flipped from side to side. Now would be a good time to figure out what is in his head.

I assumed of course it was just a game of imagination, of Jedi meets Darth Vader, clearly never figuring out what side he was on, as he was playing on his own. This is why he asks for a sibling. But as I watched him, I noticed he was using only one hand, the other balled up.

“Honey, is everything OK?”

“Well I was just thinking…” oh dear, this could be dangerous. “You know that laser tag place; well I know you can’t play or use the guns because of your hand. (The laser tag guns required two working hands) But I was thinking of ways you could shoot with one hand, Mommy.”

Even if I had no interest in playing, the moment was beautiful. Given the choice, I would absolutely play laser tag with him. We sat in the living room for a moment both of us enjoying the silence. “One day it will get better.” He finally states. It’s a moment I knew would come, just as I know I will have to eventually tell him what happened. But I love that he is so matter of fact, as if by saying it would make it so. Still I know I need to admit the truth, even if he is five.

“No sweetie, I will be like this forever.”

“You mean like always? It’s never going to?” Those grey eyes grow bigger with the realization of it all.

“Always.” And there it is, the silence once more. I do not fear rejection as I did years before when I told men. But rather I let it sink in.

“Mommy, if I had one wish do you know what I wish for?” I do not know where he is going with this, but we had just watched Aladdin, so wishes and Genies rank big right now. I’m thinking it’s to be a real life Stormtrooper perhaps or another trip to Disney World?

But what did my son wish for? “I would wish for your hand to be better, so you could be just like everyone else.”

“Oh Logan.” It is not every day a five year old would wish for his mom to be like everyone else. For a moment I do not know what to say. But then again, what do I expect this is the same kid that actually holds my right/bad hand while crossing the street. This is the kid that actually helps me in opening things if I have a hard time doing so.

“But you know what? Even if your hand never gets better, it doesn’t matter. Because I love you, just the way you are. And being a little different, well that is alright, too.”

Did I lose it then? Absolutely.

To my Jedi Logan, on the eve of Kindergarten.

Well my young Jedi. Here we are, on the eve of your next great big adventure.  

Kindergarten.

Yes, that's right. Tomorrow you will wake up and to you it may be just another day. But to me? Well everything changes. No longer will you be my little loving Star Wars fan, whose greatest thrill is trying to figure out if you want to be a Stormtrooper or a Jedi when you grow up. No longer will you spend your days with one of your favorite people ever, your Lolli. Believe me I think she will miss you just as much as you will miss her.

No, tomorrow you will strap on that big boy backpack, grip the Star Wars lunch box and board that great big yellow bus for the first time and head off to school. Yes, you will no longer be my little boy in the same sense you were when you got up this morning.

It is a day I have dreaded since the moment I first held you in my arms five and a half years ago.

I can't promise there will be no tears when we walk you to that great big yellow school bus, for I am sure there will be. But don't worry, I will be just fine. You pinky promised I would. And I can't promise you  that I won't be worried about you. Will you be shy? Will you make friends? Will she see you as the smart little boy that I know you are? But as your mom, I will never stop worrying about you, and these questions will always be in the back of my mind no matter what grade you will be heading in to.

And on the eve of the next big adventure my young Jedi, I want you to know how proud you make me to be a mom. How I look at you and think how incredibly blessed I am to be your mom. My wish for you is for you to never lose your sweetness. May you always treat your classmates, your teachers and whomever may walk in to your life with the same sense of empathy and care that you show me. Remember to look both ways when crossing the street. Always treat people with kindness and don't let others treat anyone else with anything less. Dance, even if it is just in the living room with me on a Saturday night. As much as we may not say it, we are super proud of you. Run in mud, get dirty every now and then, it is okay.  Don't grow up to fast. Enjoy your childhood. You will always have a friend in me. There is no shame in being a nerd. Ask your uncle. Lastly, yes you may have to grow up but don't forget to keep a little bit of child in you. After all, it is what dreams are made off.

May the force be with you my young Jedi.