The waiting game

Maybe I have a job. Maybe I don't.

At this point it is still uncertain. After last weeks news, I sat there like crazy applying to things I had little desire to do, but figured if they were going to cut my funds I would need to find something like ASAP.

I really don't think I was in my own mind in applying for things. I still am not certain I really am.

And then on Thursday just before I was ready to pack it in for another uneventful day, I was told I needed to start filling out paperwork for a clearance. I could do something for so and so and work under a new group as long as I got one. They questioned why I hadn't gotten one in the past and I didn't give the information that my coworker-their precious one-kept stalling and making excuses. Because at this point it seemed a little elementary to do so. Instead I shrugged and said OK, they said the good news was that they looked as though I would still be employed.

Which meant yes right? I mean nothing to worry about?

Little has been said of anything more. I am filling out the forms and all, but there was no definite yes or no. Did I need to continue to look or no? My husband is convinced that its all going to work out, that we in fact do have the job and that nothing is going to change except the name of my boss.

Why can't I believe him? I would like to. But there is something that holds me up in doing so. Perhaps its the lack of communication. The fact that I don't know anything at all. The fact that I have seemed to have gotten no answers to the questions. And currently feel like I am just sitting here waiting.

For what I don't know.

For them to tell me that I am gone I suppose. I am anticipating this for some reason. No matter what my husband may say, neither of us exactly knows what they are talking about. Sure they could be getting me a clearance but what they haven't said is that they are guaranteeing me that its going to get me work. They said it could not is going to.

Two different things in my opinion.

Perhaps I am not in the right frame of mind to be thinking clearly right now. Maybe I am reading into everything a little too deeply. Thousands of people go day in and day out without speaking to coworkers all the time. It doesn't mean that they are holding anything back.

And Andy may not officially know anything that is going on, he did point out, why would they pour all that time, and money into getting me a clearance if they are going to just let me go in a week??

Maybe I am just upset with myself for letting things get to me as much as it its. I really don't know at the moment.

But something is about to change...