The Waiting Game.

They say its the waiting that's the hard part. And three weeks after I applied for the Moms Panel this year, waiting is exactly what I am doing. Waiting for word, confirmation, or worse a rejection letter. Hoping its the better of the two. But yes, waiting is exactly the name of the game thus far.

I can't say I am being patient. Because every morning, no matter how much I try to not think about it. I wake up thinking, is today going to be the day. Are we going to hear something? I roam message boards, facebook fan pages anything searching for someone that may have the slightest clue to when we will be informed. I relive last years message. Which was sent out mid October. Which means if they stick to the same schedule, we will be hearing next week at some point.

By now I am sure my husband is completely sick of me analyzing, questioning and going over the questions again and again. Even though I know there is nothing more I can. I can't go back and change my answers. I can't second guess myself. And I can't wish I answered them any differently. I am sure he is tired of me hearing about how cool it would be if I made it, it I went to training in December and trying to guess what all entails during the training. I have sent him thousands of links, but none seem to be exactly what I was thinking about.

I am sure he is tired of hearing how ready I am.

And then I sit there and think, I can't and won't set myself up for disappointment. Because lets face it, as much as I want it, I am not guaranteed to get through to the next round. I am up against a lot of good applicants, who feel the same way I do/ Who every day do exactly the same as I do. And I try hard not to think about the rejection yet. Reminding myself that I still have a great chance, and by golly this could just be my year.

But the waiting is killing me. I fill my days with other things in order not to think about it. And I try to avoid looking at my emails in hopes that something magical pops up in that inbox.

Because the moment that I stop. Something will pop in.

And until then, I will just sit here and wait.
Some more.