You see two and a half years ago when my son graduated from the crib to a big kids bed Anderson and I were elated. Sure this meant he was no longer our baby, but the freedom it gave outweighed this.
However what we didn't count on was this. Now that he has his own big boy bed, it meant free reign of the house, and minutes away from mommy and daddy whenever he wanted. Often I would wake up the moment his little hands went around my neck and snuggled. I even relished in it, knowing that these moments wouldn't last. I was informed it was just a phase he would soon grow out of and before I knew it he would be staying put in his own bed and we would miss the nights when he would crawl in and snuggle with mommy
This was two years ago.
He is still doing it. And while I love it, love the fact that this kid loves me more than anything and all he wants to do is be close to me. It puts a smile on my face and puts aside most everything.
But here's the thing, there are times when all I crave is a full nights sleep. One that is not interrupted with a slap to the face in his sleep, he is now reaching the squirmy stage of sleep when staying still is not an option, and despite the fact he is the smallest of the three of us, he seems to take up the most room. And sometimes I want one night where I am not being smashed up against the two-Anderson and little man-that I can't breath.
Such as the case as last night. We tucked him, turned off the lights and told him to sleep tight before heading off to bed myself. Two hours later little man is telling me about monsters and zombies and what not and how he was dreaming about them....
Its a routine conversation in the middle of the night. He is not crying, at times laughing while I try my best to be awake enough to half listen for a minute.
As he goes on, and on I look at the clock and think, please just go to sleep. I want a night just one to sleep.
Am I bad mom for saying this? For thinking how much easier it would be to sneak into the other room and just sleep for a couple hours? I suggested this to Anderson the other night, the only response I seemed to get, was the next morning I found him in the other room and I still was curled up next to my son, the sleep still not restful. Am I bad mom, a bad wife for being jealous of my husband who may be interrupted but surely nothing like I am?
Sometimes I wonder.
Still I struggle to figure out how to address this, we have talked to him numerous times regarding the need to stay in his bed. We have marched him back to bed, he only comes back. We have put up a baby gate, he is getting to tall for them, and smart enough to figure out how to free himself. We have offered rewards, they do little and he may swear he will stay in bed, nothing seems to work. I have read blog after blog of suggestions, none of which seem to work. The only thing we have yet to do is lock the door.
And while I know it won't last forever, and I am truly trying to enjoy this and remember that fifteen years from now I will miss it. At times, I wonder if I truly will.
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