You make me feel so emotional.

Nearly forty-eight hours after the loss in game 7, I am still in some sort of weird state of....disbelief. I haven't figured out a better way to put it.

I should be used to this, the early exit from the playoffs. After all, we are becoming quite notorious for this. Every year I push the team, I back them and support them. I sport my jersey, I rock the red and tell myself this is the year....our year. Its a motto we seem to be living by. As Cap fans we have gotten used to the maybe next year mentality. Always next year. And yet every year I am only disappointed when we bow out in round 1. Or get swept easily in round 2. 

I swallow this pill and attempt to find not only meaning behind the whole thing but look for the bright side of things. As Anderson says, we get our summers back, I get my husband back. I am married again for another blissful two months before the madness begins again. Life goes on. As does the Caps, and the organization. And soon the disappointment that was once felt has passed, renewed with a sense of hope and joy as the next season approaches.

And so thus begins the cycle once again.

But this year, well this year it just feel different. It is different. Maybe its not so much the fact we lost the series, as it is how we lost. a 5-0 loss. Seriously?? After the games beforehand and leading up to the game 7 had all been determined by one goal, to go out like that? Well it was a blow. It was a how the hell did this happen sort of feeling. I understand there is never any guarantee that you are going to win a particular game, or series. But to have you season end with a shutout on home ice does not necessarily give anyone the warm and fuzzes. Even as heartbreaking as a loss in triple overtime may be, I would have to say I would prefer that over this. At least it would have been a fight til the end.

I had not watched the game, I was in fact studying for an exam. I didn't even know anything had gone on until after the game when Anderson came down the stairs. The moment he did, I knew it was over. He looked just as defeated as the team did. 'Its over.' he said. Since then, there has been little talk regarding hockey, and little interest in watching the remainder of the championships.

I expected some of this, after we are defeated every year there is always this decompression time around the house. But I have never seen him like this, and I myself have never felt like this. Words just seem to not be there. What do you say really? Sorry, better luck next year? They put in a good effort, that was up until game 7?? Or that they started the season with such a horrible record that we should be proud that we even got into the playoffs, so what if we didn't make it past the first round? Nothing seems to be right really. And are poor constilation prizes for what any fan truly wants, and has been all but promised to us.

I do not know. I do not have the answers to any of it. And because I really don't want to hear anything more on the whole subject of why we lost, and the way we lost I have avoided the majority of mass media. It is simply too soon to figure out where to go from here, what to do next. The emotion of the whole thing is still raw and gut wrenching its almost painful.

And yet, come October, I will do it all over again. Because I like torturing myself apparently. Maybe I have gotten used to this feeling. Maybe I know nothing other than this. Or maybe just maybe I have fallen into the trap of, well this year will be our year.

Who knows.