Wishing and hoping 2.0

I got a surprising call on Friday afternoon. One that could change a lot of things....part of me wants to write a great deal about it, only because I have a thousand thoughts going on in my head about it. And yet at the same time, I am so afraid that I just may be getting my hopes up only to be let down, and so if that is the case in a lot of ways I would rather not say anything until after it all happens.

But for the moment I will say I am very excited about the whole thing, at just the mere thought...

And all will be revealed in due time

For now I will ask for well wishes, happy thoughts and even though it has nothing to do with Disney, perhaps...

A little bit of pixie dust..

Wish me luck...

and stay tuned....

8 years.

I was so consumed with my three hour commute home yesterday that I some how missed the fact it was my eight year anniversary with the company.

8 years.

In the eyes of my father and father in law-who has been with the same company for longer. This may seem like a short fleet. I mean hey they have been in double digits for years now. But in this age, where most in my generation bounce around, well this is huge. 

Especially considering its only two years longer than my own marriage.

Maybe I should celebrate this fleet. Throw around some confetti and do my Friday dance even better.  But for some reason celebrating doesn't seem right. Its not that I don't exactly want to. But its just. Things are a bit weird. Around me cutbacks are happening, first in the disappearance of the water cooler, then our healthcare options changed. And so I wonder if celebrating this is even something I should celebrate.

I won't even mention the stress of things.

Supporting several different groups. Pulling as a backup receptionist. And often not having enough time in the day to think about what I am doing. I think about how things where when I first started and wonder just how far I have actually come. 

And how much farther I will go.

Should I make it to another 8.

We built this city.

DC. Traffic.

Say the two words together and you would find it equals nightmare. And the nightmare has become for me a daily routine.

You know it used to not be so bad. Of course I was at the time taking metro to get down to Anderson in Ballston cutting a good chunk of the travel time in half. But then he was moved to the heart of DC, working at the Verizon Center and suddenly we found ourselves both commuting from the city.

Add to that, he is now getting out fifteen to a half an hour later than he was back at the old office. The result folks is not a pretty one. The result is us getting home at 7 something, and even later if we pick my son up from my parents house a good twenty minutes-sans traffic-away.  Maybe this does not seem to horrible. But when you take in the fact we live just about 20 miles away from the office, and we leave the office at 5:30, well when you hit the door at near 8 like today.....well...

I know there is an easy solution, as some would suggest, we could sell the house and move closer to the city. But neither of us want to do that. Find another job, which would be great but not so easy during this time when everyone else is looking for positions, or are in the same situations.

Which means, we are simply stuck. With no other option than to suck it up and deal with it. But as the commute gets increasingly longer, my evenings becoming shorter in more ways than one. Logan doesn't get that time, Andy and I don't get that time. As it is, I wonder if he knows who I m half the time as we barely see him.

Still something has to give.
Because while my commute is getting longer, my patience is getting shorter.

Lockout and layouts.

Usually by this point in the year things are starting to get hectic around the house. Usually by now we are discussing schedules  and trying to figure out how to work around the hockey season. By now my jersey is pulled out of the closet, hoodies are proudly worn, suits are dusted off and pre season is underway.

And I am a week away from being a hockey widow.

But not this year.

For as of this past weekend the NHL has gone in a lockout. Jeopardizing the entire season all together  and breaking fans hearts until further notice. Including my very unhappy husband. After all this is his job, his team and its sort of hard to do when there is no season.Sure he has things to do. To prepare to be able to start things back up on the drop of a hat whenever they do decide on an agreement. Whether its tomorrow or Thanksgiving or February even. He still has basketball to look forward to. OK so maybe look forward to is not exactly the correct term here as he is not a basketball fan by any means. But yes he does have things to do. It just may not be in the form of the busy packed schedule we are used to about this time.

But I will not lie for I have heard him as much as he loves the season he doesn't mind the fact he gets a couple of extra weeks with his son, and yours truly. And I honestly don't think he misses those suits as much as he would like us to believe. Nor does he miss those 1 in the morning drives home.

He of course has his own opinions of the matter. Siding with the players and still believes that the season will still go on, just with a minor delay. As little man in the background chants Ovi! Ovi! Ovi! and informs me once more for the fifth time in a row that football is boring, I can only hope him to be right. As much as I love hearing my husband talk about his excitement over the baseball playoffs, I must admit its a bit foreign to me.

And ok, so coming from this hockey fan myself...I miss hockey. I have resorted to watching football walking away because I can't stand the fact they stop every thirty seconds for a tv timeout...Seriously.

Since I am out it I figured I would give Anderson a shout out for creating this lovely new layout for the blog. After a summer of hearing his wife ask he finally caved.

Thank you...

Friday Five- September 14: Strong

 Perhaps its just me, but these weeks are flying right on by. Here we are at another Friday Five....this weeks them seems quite fitting since it has been a tough week in general in the household. Theme of the week is strong

1. Who is physically the strongest person you know?

Gonna say my sister on this one, because yeah she is pretty tough and is physically strong-as well as mentally-.

2. What unpleasantly strong aroma have you recently experienced?

Just this morning someone in the office decided to bath themselves in what had to be the worst smelling cologne/perfume. Yes it was that bad that I did not know whether it was generated for a female or a male....seriously some people should know better by now.

3. Many over-the-counter medications come in “extra strength” varieties. What’s something in your life that doesn’t but should?

Baby wipes. I don't use them as much now that my son is three and a half and past the potty training stage. But believe me they come in handy for a whole lot of other things. I just wish they had the ability to suck of the fumes and hold during certain circumstances. 

4. When times are rough, what’s most effective at boosting your inner strength?

Music. Pretty sure it can cure just about anything. But in all seriousness if I am ever in one of those moods. All I need to do is pop in some awesome tunes and am feeling back to my old self in a short while.

5. What’s your favorite song whose title or lyrics contains the word strong?

Stronger by Britney Spears. No explanation except I happen to enjoy it.

And that was this weeks edition of the Friday Five. May you have a fabulous Friday and a better weekend.

here you go again with my heart.

It has not been an easy week in the household. OK more like between the husband and I. As we once again found ourselves this past weekend in a major argument. Of course I had no intention of it getting so out of hand, but somehow it just sort of blew up.

The subject was once again regarding certain areas. My unhappiness at work, at school. And yes even in marriage, which is sad to think. While I thought we were doing a lot better, it seemed we had once again fallen into the routine. I hated the fact nine times out of ten I would come down shortly after we got home to him dead to the world on the couch. The conversations seemed to be nothing unless I talked, half the time I wondered if he was even really listening to me. And the times he was awake he was on that iphone, twitter, facebook. He seemed to be paying more attention to anything but his wife.

Which is why I decided to express my opinions once again to him last weekend. For the most part it went the same way it had in the past when we had conversations like this. He saying this, I thinking that. It was a back and forth sort of battle that pretty much was leading to nothing.  I admitted to not being happy, I know the source stems a lot from the unhappiness at work, and I recognize this. I accept it. And while I am trying to change it, in today's job market that it not exactly going to be easy. Nor is it going to be an overnight thing.

And then he dropped the bomb on me. Saying something that no wife should hear, or have to hear. I won't exactly say what he told me because it is still quite hurtful. I will say it is not an affair-thank the lord-but it is damaging in the bedroom. I sat there and crumbled on the couch. Wondering if this is really what it is supposed to be like, though even as I thought this I knew my answer. No. It shouldn't be.

I went to bed that night contemplating everything he said, and have been doing so since. I have had moments of pure confusion and moments of sadness. At the moment I don't know what to do. I told him I was willing to work through it. But it seems these talks are becoming more and more frequent. And what the words that he had said, whether he meant to say them the way he did, has been more damaging than anyone could imagine.

And I don't know how much longer I can put up with it.

ABC's and 123's

Tomorrow starts a new chapter in my life. I will drop him off as I do every morning with my mother. I will go to work, and when I return in the evening I will no longer have just a toddler on my hand.

But a pre-preschooler. (What the difference between pre-preschool and plain pre-school is still up in the air. )

I feel old.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to me anyway. Friends, family they could have kids that grew up, moved on and went to school. But not mine. No mine would somehow remain my sweet little boy forever. I was certain of it....

And yet? It begins tomorrow. And despite my every effort, Logan is indeed growing up. Starting with his first day. He is excited about this. Probably a lot more than I am. He has already determined that he wants to learn how to write his name, thinks school will be super cool and hopes that Superman is somehow in his class.

Well two out of the three ain't bad I suppose.

Whether he will still enjoy the whole school idea after a week or two will soon be found out. But for now, he seems to be doing a whole lot better than his mommy is about the growing up thing. I vow I will make it through the day without shedding a tear and then remind myself this will be easier since I am not going to be dropping him off. But who am I kidding? I know come tomorrow morning. I will be staring at the clock thinking and wondering what he will be doing.

Is this what it is going to be like for the next fifteen years of my life? If so I can just imagine what Kindergarten is going to be like. And I don't even want to contemplate graduation.

Lord help me.

Friday Five-Uncreative

 So happy Friday once again. By now most have come off the high of summer. My sisters wedding last weekend was our icing to the summer....it was a fabulous weekend, and a beautiful ceremony. But thats for another time. So without further ado, here it is. This weeks Friday Five.


1. What was in yesterday’s mail?

Bills, an advertisement for a new takeout place and a court notice for the previous owner. Which we still receive mail for...none of them were that exciting to be honest with you.

2. What are the most fun and least fun items on your to-do list for the weekend?

Most fun-honestly don't know. This weekends plan include very little. After the hustle and bustle of last weekend, it may be extremely nice.
Least fun- Cleaning. That's right its a chore I put off until I can't stand it any longer. Apparently I have reached that point.

3. What are you running out of?

Toliet paper. I am assuming I should probably put this on our to get asap list. Since that is in fact pretty important to most of us.

4. What gives you peace?

My son. Knowing he is growing to be such a fabulous little man, its the best feeling in the world.

5. What are the best and worst things about YouTube?

Best- Anything that involves babies laughing.
Worst-Anything that involves Justin Beiber.

Bussssyyyyy Beeeee

The book pretty much describes my life at the moment. With school staring back up last week, my sisters wedding this past weekend and work, my life seems to be the epitome of busy.  Which is probably the main reason why my blog has been suffering as of late.

Believe me this does not please me as a writer I crave and long for the creativity and the time to sit down and write. And before the decided to have me support three groups, time was pretty much readily available. Now however as I support two main groups and pull the reception backup, that time I once had seems to be at times little to none.

I hate it.

Not so much the work because I do not mind to be busy at work. In fact I prefer it. But sometimes I long for the time I once had to think about things. To take it at my own pace rather than cramming every minute with something. Often leaving things to do for another day. 

I do hope to get back into writing and all. But once again I ask that you bare with me as I try to get things in order....

The beginning.

After another unexpected break from my studies I find myself heading back to campus tonight. Its the first time since December of 2011 doing so.

I don't know how I feel. I know I should finish. I know I need to finish. I know I am so close to getting that degree I once was so desperate for that to give up now would be ridiculous.

But on the other-which there is always on the other hand-I am exhausted. My commute is getting longer, my son is getting older. I wanted another one and with the rate I am going, its not going to happen. Studying seems the furthest thing on my mind these days. I just don't have the drive like I used to. Its not that I don't want that degree, its just.

Life happens.

Still I am trying to push myself. Trying to tell myself its just one class this semester-thank god-and you can do it. One day soon you will be walking across that stage, and your son will be looking down at you and cheering for you. Because he is that kind of kid. You will tell him in years to come that somehow I did what was told impossible for me to do in high school. I would be a college graduate. Who cares if the degree isn't all that fancy. And in years to come the fact it took me ten years plus will be irrelevant.

I will be done.

I remind myself that I am a Senior now, this for some reason just sounds a lot better. I am that much closer. To give up now, would be like admitting defeat. Being a coward. Neither I am willing to do. And if this isn't working I remind myself its just the first day blues. The realization that weekends will now be consumed with studying and papers and projects. And its just the thought that is hard and depressing. Especially on the first day. Give it some time. A week or two in and it will be routine once more.

And if nothing more.

In 16 weeks....it will be all said and done for the semester.

At least for a month and a half anyhow.

Friday Five-Strawberries.

Well now here is a Friday Five I can get behind. Since Strawberries just happen to be one of my favorites..So lets just cut to the chase and get on with it then shall we?

1. What is your favorite way to eat strawberries?

Straight up. Seriously nothing fancy, they in my mind are wonderful just the way they are. However that being said, if I get a little craving, just the right amount of cool-whip can be fantastic.

2. What is your favorite strawberry flavored food or beverage?

Gummy bears or fruit chews that are strawberry flavored. Yes in deed.. I could eat those things up any day.

3. What object in your line of sight is strawberry-colored?

 The office wall. Yes thats right, we have a bright red office wall. I stare at it all day.

4. What geographic location near you could be much cooler if its name were modified to contain the word strawberry, and what would this new name be?

Hmm, The Valleys out west perhaps.  For no other reason than the other things around, seem stupid. So the name would then be Shennandoah Strawberry Valley. Quite appropriate.


5. Here are 500 Wikipedia articles with the world strawberry in their titles. What’s something interesting you learned from one of them?

That there are two places in the U.S.A that are named Strawberry. Yeah I didn't have much time to actually do research here....Obviously.

And there you have it, my Friday Five. Have another fabulous weekend folks!

Wishing and hoping.

So I came across something interesting today while investigating. It just may be something.

Or it could be nothing and I am thinking it is.

While I will give nothing away, and will keep my mouth shut for the moment.

I will however keep my fingers crossed until further notice.

Please. Please. Please.

From zero to150

A few weeks ago I sat behind my cube counting down to vacation. I stared at the minor things I had to do on my desk. None of which looking back now seemed all to import. They were your average day to day routine sort of stuff. Supplies. Setting up for a meeting. Retyping a memo from someone. A report here and there.

I knew in a lot of ways it was relatively easy. And to be honest. The work did not did not meet the full eight hours in a day. Let alone a full week.  And so I was loaned out to other departments, I made binders and sat for both the executive assistant and the receptionist. Because of cutbacks apparently.

Of course I didn't mind. I mean its a job, it did the job. And I was willing.

And then the boss came to me and told me that I would go from supporting the one group, to supporting two groups. Along with the reception and the EA. And all of sudden I went from zero to full speed ahead in regards to work. To the point of exhaustion. While I don't mind being busy, at times I feel like there does get a point where you are in fact to busy. If I am not pulled in one direction, I am pulled in another.

Today I barely had time to pee.

I will say, this supporting two groups has made me a better admin. I feel I have already become more organized, push harder and more willing to pay attention. So perhaps this whole supporting two groups does have its benefits 

Even if does exhaust me.

Now I know I am not going to be covering the reception desk forever as one of the receptionist is out on vacation til Wednesday. But I am going to be covering both the two groups projects for the rest of the time being.  And somehow I must learn to manage this full speed ahead ordeal before it drives me insane.

Friday Five-Statehood.

Well folks it is Friday. Thank the lord. I have to say I am slacking lately in updating the blog. Seems I have not been in my right frame of mind since returning from vacation. Hopefully this will change. But for the meantime, enjoy some Friday Five Questions. This weeks theme: Statehood.

1. Hawaii’s nickname is the Aloha State. If your neighborhood were to be admitted as the fifty-first state, what would be its nickname?

Living in Centreville VA, the town -when it was name - was the halfway point between Warrenton and DC, and the hub of a lot of things. The Civil War was fought here. It was a stopping place for officials for the night and meeting places for generals. Picnics and festivals would be held here. For this I would probably call it 'Center of it all' 

2. What do you own fifty of?

Pens. I have a thing for collecting them apparently. Hotels, state line rest stops. Mickey, Minnie...restaurants. Black, blue, purple and red. It seems I am growing quite the collection. I don't really use half of them either which is kind of sad. But for some reason I apparently have them just laying around. Because well you never know when your going to need one.

3. What’s the nicest beach you’ve been to?

Probably Vero Beach in Florida...it was just so peaceful, relaxing and I loved the sea turtle life right on the beach...I dif recommend it.

4.A pizza with ham and pineapple is often called a Hawaiian pizza (something that annoys many of us who live here and can’t stand that flavor combination). If you live in Hawaii, what should rightfully be called a Hawaiian pizza, and if you live elsewhere, what would go on the pizza named after your area?

Ah DC metro area has a lot of transit people. So I would make it an everything pizza. You name it, it would go on it. I know its not very original but not to many locals or people that are born here, stay here. So you need to appeal to everyone.

5. What mental and emotional states do you hope to attain this weekend? 

The state of I don't care and I am not going to think about it until Monday.  Why? Because really I just don't really feel like doing anything and work is the last think I want to think about.

May you all have a fabulous rest of your Friday and even better weekend!

Brothers of the Sun.

Well its official. Summer has just about come to an end. Sure labor day has yet to hit. But for me, it is all about over. And how do I know this? Kenny Chesney has come and gone. And as always and a must for me, I spent my Sunday amongst thousands at FedEx field hoping just maybe to make the summer last that much longer..  This year's tour included however Tim McGraw as part of the Brothers of the Sun tour. And like so many years in the past this years show did not disappoint. On stage, the performances were exciting. Tim's songs seemed to only add to Kenny's already incredible set. Though I have to say as a fan of Kenny's I tend to prefer his set more. This is just me though.

But what I want to touch upon this year is not the entertainment on stage. Because for the most part-and if you are someone who has repeatedly gone to his shows you know-Kenny's shows don't change much from year to year. The songs may vary slightly but the shows for the most part stay the same. So we will not talk about this. Rather I will talk about the entertainment off the field. Because sometimes this may be just as entertaining and thought pondering enough as the show on stage itself.

This years crowd brought out the drunk in people.

In fact it is perhaps the most amount of drunks I have ever seen at a Kenny concert. I know, it has become almost a sort of expectations that when you go to a Kenny show, you drink. Sort of the same thing as Buffet, but usually I have been able to go and not feel as though I am the only one not drunk. But this year, I felt. Just that. The only non drunk.  I don't mind people drinking, truly I don't. Its not something I enjoy but whatever. What I do mind is the fact that people get so drunk, and there are so many of them that it becomes sort of a distraction and makes the show a little less distracting. I don't enjoy getting puked on by the guy behind me and then after he goes for more beer. Because apparently that is exactly what he needs more of. Or the guy in front of us that is so drunk he pretty much starts disrespecting his fiance and getting totally in her face to the point you feel sorry for her. I expected him to start punching her. Thankfully he passed out before he did so. 

Granted there were the drunk fights, the hauling away in handcuffs because of something one drunk guy said to another. Again to be expected. But I don't enjoy watching a guy completely lose everything for twenty minutes and when they finally take him away on the stretcher he is wearing a barf bag. I begin to wonder how anyone can truly enjoy themselves if they are that gone. I did not spend that kind of money to get thrown out, that plastered and that embarrassed myself.

Some songs say it all....

As Tim's Live like you were dying came on the guy in front of us grabbed his wife and started slowing dancing. His friend beside us followed suit.  Then out of the blue, they broke down and cried. Three grown men, all ex military. And they cried. I sat watching and for some reason I was just really touched. So much so that I began to cry.  I mean the song is pretty, but for some reason, it just got to me. After we found out the men had just lost their father. Totally made since.

Twenty minutes later one of them was taken off in handcuffs after getting in a fight...

And some outfits are better left at home.

Yes cowboy boots are great, and hey this is after all a country concert. And bikinis are perfect for the summer. So are cut offs, tank tops and sundresses. But sometimes these things don't mix. And while I give mad props to people that try to pull it off, wearing shorts that are five times to small and shirts that expose a little to much, I would rather not see. No I am not saying that you can't wear these things. But wearing something that actually fits and is your size, goes a long way. And believe me, makes you look a hell of a lot more attractive. No matter what sex you are. I know there were guys out there that could have been schooled in some fashion 101.

Yes, I have learned a lot this year from the show. At times I was annoyed-again the whole puking on thing just wasn't enjoyable.-at times I was amused-like the woman behind me giving me the bedroom look and telling me she would do anything right now-and at times I was touched-as already explained.

But you better believe I will be right back in those stands again next year.

After all, its Kenny. How could I not?

No matter the color.

Sometimes I marvel at just how much one piece of medal can bring so much happiness to some. And yet is not enough for others.

As I have been doing so for the past two weeks now I sat in my living room watching as another athlete stepped on the podium, took a hold of the flowers they were handed and bent down to receive their medal.

Their look on their face was almost a spitting image of Maroney's reaction to winning silver. I wondered when taking home such was considered a failure. Is it the pressure? Is it their country and the emphasis that nothing is acceptable besides a gold? Is it their own self who sees such a thing as not winning but being the last loser? Not the winner? I don't know but for whatever reason these athletes feel the need to stand up and give a sour face. They look disappointed. Sure I get it, you train every day you fight every day. This is your dream. And in a matter of seconds, you fall or your hand isn't the fastest to touch the pool. And your dream of that gold is now a dream of silver.

But at the same time, its freaking silver people? I for one thought Maroney's chances of even getting on the podium fell off the waste side the moment she fell. Shouldn't she knowing this be happy with this silver instead of looking like she is so un-thrilled?

Yes, solver can be so disappointing

And yet...

There are so many who don't even expect to medal at all that when they do, it is not the look of disappoint but the one of pure joy. The happiness no matter what color seems to be so thrilling to them. This is the one I expect from top athletes.  After all, its not every day that someone will be an Olympian. Call themselves a winner. You are among the top of the top. Whether its first, second or third place. You are at your best.

With the games coming to an end tomorrow I just have one simple advice and request from those still competing. Be proud of yourself, of your achievements and your accomplishments. For you are among the few that have done what you are doing. Stand up there, not in tears of what could have been. But for what you have done.

And smile.
It is far better to be remembered as the silver medalist than the girl that pitched a fit on the podium.

Five Question Friday-Miscatagorized.

After a couple weeks of not being in town, I am once again returning to my old ways. Which means, bringing my Friday Five back as well. So here it is, this weeks theme: MisCategorized.

1. What public behavior is not a crime but should be?

Wearing baggy pants below your junk. I am sorry I do not need to see it. And while this may seem unfair to men. I will add there are a lot of females that let everything hang out in certain clothing. Yeah I would rule those out as well. And I know you know exactly what I am talking about here.

2.What food item doesn’t have a recommended daily allowance but should?

Tough call here, since as I am racking my brain. I suppose junk food. I mean hey sometimes you just want a good oreo cookie and you don't care about the rest...nor should you.

3. What’s not a word but should be?

Fantabulous...

Because, it is that fantastic of a word. Thank you Sue Sylvester...

What day of the year is not a holiday but should be? (Yes: I’ve used this question before, but I never get tired of it!)

The day after 4th of July, or rather July 5th. Because everyone is celebrating the 4th, and I have always thought it ridiculous that we have to come back in, after all most of the celebrating happens after nightfall...

What behavior is not generally a professional expectation but should be?

I moved cubes recently and am sitting by quite a lot of managers. Which is fine, until they all have conference calls going at the same time. And none of them close their doors...I would like to think out of respect for everyone, please close your doors during conference calls on loud speakers...please.

And there you have it folks. Have a fantabulous weekend!

Will he or won't he?

For the better part of the past two weeks the office water cooler has been humming about the Olympics. For good reason of course. And while Michael Phelps's participation may have come to an end last weekend, the talk surrounding him here has not.

The most common debate. Will he or won't he? Retire, not try for Rio in four years, call it quits. It seems a pretty even split some believing that yes he truly is done. While others doubt him, saying the love for the sport and his seeming to be competitive nature will have him not only missing it, but determined to return. After all in four years he will only be 31. And they are willing to put money down there will be another incentive. Ryan Lochte. And as long as he is going to attempt to defeat Phelps, Phelps in return will answer.

It seems as though most analyst agree.

But here is the thing. If he continues, and goes on to Rio what then? Lets say he makes it through trials but doesn't live up to the expectations he has had of the past two games? I can only imagine the headlines, the discussions then of him being the athlete that has peaked and will never be as good as he once was. At that point people will question his motives in coming, saying how he should have stepped aside for the sake of a new swimmer.

Yes I get the wanting to be on top for as long as possible, but really wouldn't it be better for him to go out while he still is on top? And shouldn't we just be happy for him and his twenty-two medals. After all I am pretty sure its a record that is going to be hard to break. At least for a good long while anyhow.

I for one would rather him end on top than to be like so many athletes, Favre comes to mind. Who were so wonderful in their day, their peak and yet they refused to say enough when they should have. And so what happens? They turn into the laughing stock of the league. Of the nation.

They get hurt, they quit. They resign. In hopes for that fame they once had....when really they should have said enough was enough when they had a chance.

They should have gone out as champions.

I am not saying I want Phelps to really quit, because I admit it would be hard. I loved watching him perform at his best. But at the same time, maybe I don't..

Maybe there is something to be said as going out on top.

The new normal

Perhaps I should get used to this. My new normal. Though what that is, is beyond me. Its knowing now, whenever I have pain in my stomach it means a trip to the hospital. Just to be sure. Because well you never know. It means random spasms and bloating for no apparent reasons. And it means that no doctor can really give me a full answer because they aren't even sure exactly what is going on.

This is my new normal.

It means things could be going well for a few months that I totally forget the fact I had three surgeries last year. So well that you would never even know this. And in the next instant, a minor stomach pains means something so much more. Leaves me questioning things.

This is my new normal.

I try not to think about how my life has changed in the year and a half. The weight I have lost, the appetite I have lost. I have tried to focus on things like my son, and my husband. And the good things in life that I have had. Because otherwise the fear that something would return and send me back into the hospital and on the surgery table

Sometimes its a lot easier said than done.

Especially when that pain comes so unexpected. And you know exactly what that means. You push yourself as much as you can to avoid the inevitable. But in the back of your mind you know its just a matter of time before you call the doctor and hear the words that you don't want to hear at all.

This is the sort of normal you have to get used to...

Like it or not.

Not always the hometown fan....

Nearly a week into the games I have found myself in full Olympic mode. I can't help it I just can't seem to get enough. I run home, throw off my heels and turn on whatever event they may be showing and start cheering sometimes at the top of my lungs.

But I have found something else out. Sometimes that cheering? Well it isn't just for the home team, or the favorite. In fact sometimes its not even for any of the people that are in the hunt for silver or bronze. Perhaps I should be ashamed for admitting this.

Don't get me wrong. I am proud to be an American. I love my home country. But that doesn't mean I don't think other countries/athletes are any less deserving. Maybe I will blame it on the stories, those behind the athlete stories that they present. The ones that make you want to cry because their mother gave up everything to drive them to practice. Or the ones about their hometowns rebuilding after the hurricane/earthquake/natural disaster. And how they overcame so many obstacles along the way.

And often I think well look at so and so, they weren't even supposed to be here. Its those moments that stops me. Because right then I know I should be rooting for the US but at the same time  I find myself rooting for them as well. The unkown little country, or the host country or whomever. Sure they may be the underdog and there seems to be no shot in hell that they will beat Phelps or Franklin but still, you never know. Even the most invincible seem to fall under pressure.

I suppose this is the great thing about the sports. For a moment things are put aside. For a moment an American can fall in love with an Australian. Can find them selves bawling when the Canadian anthem is being played. Or cheering when a Japanese swimmer puts up a fight in the pool. And not have to feel guilty that they are doing so.

Because for a moment.So is the rest of the world.

Go Team Go.

No matter what color,you wear, what language you speak or what country you represent.