Shopping for the second time around.

It has been 7 years since Andy and I walked in to Babies R Us for the first time with the intention of registering. Back then we eagerly walked the aisle zapping everything and anything regardless if we actually needed it or not. Because come on how could anyone turn down the cutest daddy and me bib? You couldn't. Of course we came out with a wishlist miles long because as first time parents, well you actually need everything.

We learned something in those early days of little man being in our lives. The first, half of the stuff we actually didn't need, that bib, the one we thought was super cute and just had to have, didn't last two cycles in the wash. And third, most baby accessories, were not meant for those with the use of only one hand. That car seat may be beautiful but it requires both hands to unlock and pull the handle up (most of them do.) and that pack in play, the one that is a pain in the butt with two hands, is nearly impossible to do with one hand. Believe me it became just a park and play thing rather than a pack in play, because it was a hell of a lot easier just to keep in stationary than it was to cart from house to house or place to place.

And here I had thought my biggest challenge was going to be changing his diaper with one hand.

Flash forward 7 years now, Anderson and I are standing in the middle of the same Babies R Us now looking for items for baby #2. Once again, the aisles are filled with things we will need again, because lets be honest the things with Logan are either long gone, outdated or were already hand me downs to begin with. And yes there are still plenty of things we probably don't actually need. We make our way down the stroller aisle when woah what do I see? Is this what I think it is? A stroller where all you need to do is push the button with your foot to pop it open, lock it and hit the road! Where was this years ago? I have to test it out to see if it truly does do what they say, and if it is as easy as it appears to be on the instructional video they had going. Wouldn't you know, it is that easy, that sturdy and yes I can do it...I think I am in heaven all over again.

And then they show us the pack in play that you simply push a button and it unfolds, and locks. Meaning yes I can do it. I practically do a little dance around the store. Yes they are pricey, we tend to forget how expensive the baby industry truly is. But I have a decision, do I go for cheaper because it is cheaper or more of a necessity for me because it is something I could actually use? The money just may be worth it. And because of it, the thought only makes me cry harder.

The lady looks at me as if I had grown three heads right there. She is probably thinking its hormones, and I let her think so. But I am crying because for once  I won't have to ask for help. I won't have to get so frustrated with something that I say screw it I will just stay home.

Because for once, something just may cater to me.

So What Are You Going To Do From Here?

A little over a month ago I finally graduated. Yes it was a huge, huge accomplishment. Of course I guess after years of having the question "When are you going to graduate" thrown around it should come to no surprise that it is now being replaced with "So what are you going to do from here."

It is now a question I get asked at least once a day. And it is a question I find I ask myself on a daily basis. Because I thought, I would have known exactly the answer by the time I walked across that stage in May.

But the truth is, there are endless possibilities, and yet not so much at the same time. I promised myself that when I finally finished I would find time to sit down and get back to my creative writing. Vowed that I would even finish at least one of the projects I started years ago. But what I didn't account for was the fact it actually takes time to get your mojo back. It has been months, even a year since I have had such free time on my hands to even sit down and think. Granted I did take the poetry class last fall, but it wasn't exactly the same. And it didn't help me on those written pieces already started. Though it did serve as a good distraction. Still I vow I will get to it, my mojo will once again come back to me.

Then there is my current role, a lot of people assumed I would just up and look, get out of here. But I made a commitment to the company that I would remain here for a year after graduation. While I do not feel stuck in that sense, at the same time it doesn't allow me to explore the possibility until at least this time next year. I am however thankful that they supported me and continue to support me in my decisions. Sure the commute could always be better, but the group of people I support are great. Perhaps it is a  blessing in disguise. Obviously with the recent announcement, I figure it is not the best time to go out and look.

Not to mention, that before I know it, my life is going to change once again. Only for the better. We are excited and thrilled beyond belief. Even if I still go through my panic modes like all of us mommies do.

So perhaps I don't exactly know where I am still going, maybe its a process that is still being worked out and worked on.

Maybe that is all OK. After all life is forever in progress.

And who we are, and where we are going is never finished.

Number 2..here we go.

Well now that the cat is out of the bag, yes the rumors you have heard just may be true. After years of wishing, hoping and asking little  man will finally get his wish of being a big brother if not on Jan. 7th, then by, which is my official due date.

The news could not have been more exciting to him.

I will admit I was extremely nervous to announce this go around. I am older now, as is little man, who will be a month shy of 7 when this one comes along. Yes I know, I have heard the whole age gap debate for years. True it may not work for everyone. And I get that. But it works for us. Maybe we would have liked it a tad bit sooner, but as we all know to well life tends to get in the way. By time we were ready for number 2, I was to close to finishing the degree to actually consider it. So we waited. I am a firm believer things fall in to place when the time is right. In this case, I fully believe it was the right time for us to even explore the possibility of number two, even more so it playing out to actually be expecting.

So how are we doing? When did we know? How did we tell our parents? Questions you may or may not want to know. We found out the first weekend of May, but decided to keep it to ourselves for weeks. And I mean we kept in the sense that I went through my final class, my presentations, my graduation and even my graduation party. I kept it through my birthday on the 22nd.  Honestly I do not know how I did it. Given the fact that unlike when I was carrying Logan this one has me battling morning sickness 24/7...yep that is right, screw just morning but  noon and night as well. We finally broke down and had Logan announce the news to our parents over Memorial Day weekend, yes that means it was almost a month of keeping it to ourselves.

It is amazing how two individuals can be so different from the very beginning. With Logan all I wanted was salt, onions and fruit and veggies that were not sweet but filling (bananas for instance), but this one? Well this one is all about the sweets and seafood, you give me a bag of my beloved pretzels and I will throw them out. And while I still love the fruits, they have to be sweet, the sweeter the better. Unlike Logan who gave me glorious hair and skin, this one find me lacking in the glow and my hair is nothing to write home about. I am assuming this is preparing me for the years to come with now two little ones (or rather one almost big kid and a little one). Believe me I know personalities are just as different with each kid. But I am up for the challenge.

Still it has been incredible. Even if I am running to the bathroom. I feel so incredibly blessed to be given this gift. It was a gift for awhile wasn't sure was going to actually happen again. And while there is still a lot we need to figure out, and it is still relatively early in the pregnancy, I look forward to the joys of the experience all over again.

Goodbye Kindergarten.

So it seems like yesterday I was putting little man on the bus for the first time as a Kindergarten. Oh the nerves, if not for him than for myself. Would he like it? Would he make friends? What about his teacher?

Yet, here we are on the final days of the school year. Now when I put him on the bus he barely blinks at me as he heads off with the group of neighborhood friends. The same ones that not to long ago he never knew lived there. Instead of running to me to give me that big hug before he does so, now he blows me a kiss and does the whole imaginary hug, and I wonder why I was ever so worried about it. He did fine, no he did better than fine he did outstanding.

And it hits me, when he walks off that bus on Friday he will no longer be the Kindergartener, but rather the first grader. As another father said at the bus stop, come September he will no longer be the youngest one at the stop. He will have it down pat.

Lord help us all.

The funny thing is, a couple months ago he said he couldn't wait for summer break. While this still remains true there is a bit of fear in him as well. He mentioned he didn't exactly want to leave Kindergarten. Why? Because he loved it, because he like myself suffers from Peter Pan syndrome, in which he doesn't want to grow up. Because he loved his teachers. Because first grade may be hard.

Somehow, I think he will be just fine....
Come September.